Page 56 of Take the Blame (Seaside Mergers #3)

Everything. My parents' company had everything to do with me, and not just because it was a part of my childhood. But because I started working there in a sense from as soon as I could solve complex formulas. Starting with kids programs after school, then going into mentorships and finally working independently even before going to college. Mar too. Education was important to my parents, and it was also important that education be applied frequently. They’d never shied us away from tinkering, exploring, or experimenting.

Which is how we’d gotten so ingrained in the business in the first place, going so far as to having our own products and ideas put into production.

Selling such relics of our childhood felt surreal, but also, I’d left it a long time ago. So it was no longer any of my business.

“It has more to do with her,” she said. My eyes flickered up with interest, unable to stop myself from listening when it had to do with my sister.

“I know you gave your shares away to her, Auggie. And I understand why. I know you did it because you wanted her to have some control to come back to if she ever wanted to, but it’s not going to make a difference if it’s all gone. It’ll all be for nothing. ”

“What will?”

“Staying in business in the first place!” She snapped.

“Do you honestly believe we’ve stayed in a business that pushed your sister to run away because it’s something we can be proud of?

It’s a reminder every single day of the things we lost. Of our biggest mistakes.

I wished we could give it up the second we realized that it stole her, but we couldn’t.

Not when she could need somewhere to come back to one day.

And now he wants to throw all those years of work and waiting away just because he’s tired! ”

“I try not to think about it at all, Mom,” I said, though my thoughts were reeling. Shocked that they had thought to leave something familiar for Mar to come back to. I understood, I’d done the same thing.

“Well, it’s all I think about,” she said. “How to redo that day. How to make up for it. How to get her back.”

I shuddered, everything she was saying brought up the worst memories.

Memories of coming home to find Mom crying and Dad on the couch with his head in his hands.

Memories of tearing up the stairs and thinking I would find Mar dead or broken but finding her gone instead.

Finding out what our own hand in this actually was.

How we pushed Mar away when she needed us to pull her closer, basically inviting her to run away.

Memories that made me sick, and I refused to reopen after having them tucked away for so long. It wasn’t that I was running from them, I was just tired of reliving things that wouldn’t change.

The fact of the matter was, Mar had left ten years ago. Ten years without a trace. She wasn’t coming back, at least not home. It had taken me a long time to wrap my head around it, but when I did I’d moved on. It was probably time that Mom and Dad did too.

Slowly, I pushed the thoughts away, burying them deep where they belonged. Right alongside hope that anything would come of our efforts, even including my own sorry attempts. “So, what are you expecting me to do here? ”

“Talk to your father. He’ll listen to you and maybe?—”

“Absolutely not.”

“Augustus—”

“No, Mom. I’m talking to you because you’re here and you’re you. But I’m not going to talk to him. He made it clear the last time we spoke that my voice wasn’t needed.” I said. “I can only imagine what he said to Mar to make her want to leave.”

“It isn’t your father’s fault she left.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“He did his best in that situation, Augustus. How were we to know that it would trigger… this. How could we have known?”

“You could have stood up for your daughter. Protected her. Took her side. I would’ve if I was there.”

“Auggie, just talk to Dad. I think you two would agree on a lot more than you?—”

“I said no. I have nothing to say to him.” I said. “Just like he had not a care in the fucking world when his daughter was hurting and felt so alone that she decided that leaving would be better than staying another day with you… us .”

She whimpered. “When did you get so stubborn?”

I sighed. I hated that voice. It was her hurt voice.

“Dad’s right, Mom. You should just sell it,” I said, trying to sound gentler. “If it’s so much of a hardship, just let it go. It’s been long enough.”

She shook her head, but it was soft. Defeated almost. “I don’t think we should. I think she’ll need it one day.”

“She left, Mom. It should be easier to wrap your head around now than it was back then. She left because we failed her. We didn’t stand by her when she needed us.

We dropped the ball and Mar’s never been shy about her decisions.

She didn’t trust us anymore. So she left, and either we were bad enough or her new life is good enough that she hasn’t come back. It’s time to face the music.”

“But...” she looked at her hands, her feelings pouring through her body language, her shoulders hanging low and defeated. “What if she comes back?”

“She’s not,” I said, sure now more than ever after putting it together that It had been my parents calling all the time, not my sister. “Not back there, at least. I think it’s pretty damn clear by now.”

She fell silent, admonished by an answer I’m sure she wasn’t wanting to hear.

And I felt bad. She’d always been so soft-spoken when it came to speaking up to Dad.

A strong-willed woman with no voice. It was sad.

Sad enough that me, her son, had recognized it even at a young age and started speaking up for her.

She was probably waiting for me to do the same now.

Desperately hoping for someone to stand their ground for her. But I just couldn’t.

Awkward silence stretched, her looking at her hands and me looking at her. She looked so unchanged, the same as the day I’d last seen her.

“Can I…” She stopped, peeking up and back down again. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Are you going to come home?” she asked. My face must have morphed into the equivalent of an animal skittering away because she quickly added, “Not forever. Just to visit.”

“Visit what?”

“Me,” she said. “Please?

“Ma—”

“Or I could visit you! Wherever you are I’ll come, I just—I miss you. Dad does too but I know you don’t want to hear that. I miss both my babies and if I have to live without one, I want to at least be on speaking terms with the other. Please, I just want to see you. I love you.”

And that’s what made it so hard to be so utterly done with her.

She wanted to see me. She loved me. She’d kept up with me quietly for ten years without contacting me until she needed my help.

Respecting my wishes until absolutely necessary.

Being patient, and strong, and much more resilient than anyone expected her to be.

She carved a hole into my chest the size of herself every time I spoke to her.

She was a weakness of mine, without a doubt.

But she was also a bridge. If I spoke to her, I would slowly but surely start sinking back into her world. Our family. Him. And what kind of stand would I have taken for Mar, who was on her own, if I just came crawling right back to mommy after feeling a little lonely?

“I don’t know if I can do that, Mom,” I said.

“Auggie,” her voice broke. “It’s been so long. I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to die like this. Estranged from you. Barely talking to your father. Mourning your sister. It’s no way to live.”

Pain shot through every inch of me at the thought of what she just said. Sure, I’d been away from her, but I’d known she was okay. The thought of her being gone was painful. The thought of her being gone forever was excruciating.

Slowly, I said, “Give me your phone, please.”

She fumbled but did it quickly. And before I knew what I was doing I was checking her contacts list for my cell number.

Surprisingly, she didn’t have it. Which was weird, since I was sure it must have been her calling me all this time.

Maybe she was using a special kind of phone or operating through a private investigator.

I’d have to ask Clay’s brother about the options.

For now though, I focused on controlling my shaking fingers as I added my number, saving myself as “Auggie.”

Passing the phone back to her, I pointed to it like a reprimanding parent. “My number. No one else gets this, understand?”

She nodded fast, her eyes welling with tears. “And I can use it?”

I sighed. “Let me think about it, alright. Give me a little bit to wrap my head around it. ”

“And you’re staying here? In this place? You’re not leaving again?” she asked.

An image of the best smile flashed behind my eyes and the pain I was feeling just intensified. All thoughts that I’d pushed aside for later surfacing now. To my mom I just sighed.

“For now, Mom. I don’t know about the future.”

In the old days this would never happen.

We never interacted like this. I had always made it my sole mission to make my mom and my sister smile and make my dad proud.

We’d be laughing if things hadn’t changed.

She’d be scolding me about my tattoos but secretly she’d be proud.

We’d be better. But now—now we were this.

And somehow through the course of us talking I’d gone from not wanting to talk to her at all to not wanting her to leave like this.

Which was a sure sign that I was losing my mind.

Patting the table, I forced myself to lift from my seat. “Alright, time to go. I have clients soon.”

“Oh, okay.” She lifted too, scooping her purse out of her lap and swinging it over her shoulder. When she stood up straighter, her arms spread wide again and my heart broke. So did my smile.

“You’re a trip,” I said as I closed my arms around her.

She seemed frailer than she used to be. Smaller. But isn’t that how things went? You grow while your parents who once seemed like giants finally came into full view. It spooked me seeing this woman in full view the first time. Seeing how much she couldn’t do to protect us—wouldn’t, out of fear.

But now, instead of the urge to run away from that like I had when I was still a boy, a conflicting sense to protect her from it rose in me now as a man. I squeezed her tight, not sure when I would see her again.

Not wanting to let her go, my voice most definitely shook as I added, “And I love you too, alright?”

Tears shone in her eyes as she pulled back, but something else appeared that wasn’t there when she came in. Something I felt guilty for giving her without the knowledge that I could follow through.

Hope was a powerful thing, and the way she was looking at me was dripping with it. Damn, I found myself caving to that look.

I needed to get her out now before she had my bags packed and me agreeing to move back into my childhood bedroom.

“You drove?” I asked her. She nodded. “Alright. Out of here. I’ll text you okay?”

Wow, way to stay strong, Aug .

“Okay,” she said. “Bye…for now, then.”

“Bye for now, Mom,” I agreed.

So much for coming out of this one unscathed.