Page 64 of Take the Blame (Seaside Mergers #3)

My angel appeared in front of me in a second, soft brown eyes squinting like laser pointers. Cool fingers touched my cheeks and the sweetness of her caress surprised me. There was gentle chastising in her voice as she tsked. “Harper, are you allergic to cats?”

I looked down at the ball of fur that had returned to my feet yet again, remembering how not long ago she’d been curled up in my lap as I gave her pets and scratches. I think she could tell that I needed the comfort, which is why I just shrugged. “I don’t know, but I think I like this one.”

“Come on,” she said. her hand tangling in mine as she shooed the little feline away. “Your eyes are watering like crazy.”

Oh . Now that they mentioned it, my eyes were a little itchy. But I wasn’t complaining as I wrapped my hand around the touch I’d been missing since I arrived here, letting her lead me around the bend of the basement back into that little kitchen from before.

Patting the counter, she instructed me to sit, and I slid up like I was told. I watched her as she moved about the small, dark kitchen. Pulling down a bottle of pills before depositing one in my hand and handing over a bottle of water.

“Take that,” she ordered. “Please.”

I did what she asked, swallowing the pill raw and using the water bottle to press against my temple.

You know when someone points something out to you and you suddenly feel terrible?

That’s how I felt now. Just how after Clementine had pointed out how fast I was running from forgiveness, it suddenly seemed clear.

Something else was clear too as I watched the girl I adored running a cloth under cold water. I was done with not having her. And when she materialized back in front of me, stepping between my spread legs and leaning close, I let my hands fall to her waist and pulled her in closer.

She didn’t fight, simply lifting her hands up to my face, one lifting my chin and the other bringing the cloth to my eyes as she gently began to wipe at them.

Her breath smelled of citrus as she blew lightly along them while she wiped.

I never thought I’d miss the smell, I’d smelled it just a couple days ago, but somehow with her upset with me, it felt like it’d been a hundred years.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong, now that I’m dying?” I asked.

To my surprise, she huffed a quiet laugh. “You’re not dying, you just can’t touch Lila anymore. You’re definitely allergic.”

“Oh, damn. She was nice.” The little thing had started following me ever since it saw me and her owner talking and I dropped her a little bit of food on the sly.

Alta raised her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. Then, because I’m dramatic, I pouted. “Nicer than you today.”

She swallowed, not finding it amusing. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I paused, waiting for her to say something but she didn’t.

I could clearly tell by the tension in her shoulders that she was holding something in that head of hers, but still she kept it from me, as if I’d be like her family and shut her down the moment she asked me to listen.

The next time she moved to wipe my eye, I stopped her, looping my hand around her wrist gently.

“Baby, please. No more of this torture.”

She stopped, her storms present again as she looked upon my face. Her eyes rooting around mine like they were hunting for gold. Finally, with the frown I’d gotten used to all day, she spoke in a ragged whisper.

“You haven’t told anyone here that we’re together,” she said, her eyes zeroing in on me for a reaction. The only one I knew for a fact I gave was the pull of my eyebrows, confused as hell.

My heartbeat hammered as seconds ticked between us. I cleared my throat. “Well… are we together, Alta?”

“We’re sleeping together,” she said.

“But that doesn’t mean anything.” She sucked in a tight breath, immediately attempting to pull away.

I tightened my grip on her, pulling her back.

“No, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I mean, just because we’re sleeping together doesn’t mean we’re together-together.

Or do I have that wrong when you ask if you should leave every time we finish? ”

“I ask that to give you an out,” she said.

“And I’ve never asked you to do that,” I said. “Sweetheart, I’d keep you with me all day, every day if it were up to me. But I’m following your lead here. I made my propositions from the start, and I’ll call this what you want, but I’m not going to assume, Alta.”

“So you’d rather ‘not assume’ and what? Dodge all the questions about what we are? Come to my family’s Thanksgiving for Clay ,” she sniffed. Was it me or did she sound hurt after ducking me all day?

I blinked. “Alta, I answered that way because I have no idea how to answer that question. Not unless you want me going out and exposing my whole heart to everyone before I show it to you. The last thing I want is to call this something you’re not comfortable with and see you walk away because I fucked up and ran my mouth in the wrong way. ”

Her head snapped back, her blinking eyes fluttering like each pass would help her see me better. “You think I would leave if you told people we were together?”

I shrugged. “I don’t like to think of you leaving at all, to be honest.”

“Harp,” her voice was light, yet I felt myself shudder as I retreated into my feelings.

She watched me; then like a flip of a switch, an angry, indignant realization washed over her face as she narrowed eyes on me.

“Augustus Harper, people are not just going to leave you like you think they are.” She said and when I ducked my head, she moved her hand to lift my chin back up.

“They’re not, Harper. I’m not. I don’t want to. ”

I looked away. The rush of tonight's emotions drowning me all at once. I heard her swallow, her voice coming out guarded and cautious.

“You don’t believe me?” she asked.

I shrugged.

“Why?”

Lifting my head, I stared straight into her eyes. I could tell she wasn’t telling me everything again, and it was killing me. “Because Alta, I’m fighting with all I am to stop you from becoming everything to me.”

She blinked, that little notch splitting the middle of her forehead as confusion reached her expression. “If that's how you feel, then why fight?”

I sighed, so tired of fighting these feelings. “Because I’ve already lost everything once. I’m not ready to lose it again.”

Eyes that never ceased to remind me of clouds bore into mine.

I called them storms because of the emotion she could never hide in them, and the determination behind that emotion.

She tried so hard to be understood by those who didn’t get her.

I felt like I understood everything about those eyes. About the heart they mirrored.

Which is why my heart dropped when she said, “I don’t want to do this anymore, Harper.”

I jolted physically, my entire body racking backward to take her in.

I went so still, the only thing moving were my eyes as they skated all over her, searching for an answer she wasn’t supplying quick enough.

My heart felt like it was too heavy for my chest, too broken for it as I waited for her to say something.

Croaking, my voice sounded dark as I asked, “You what now?”

She ripped away from me, raking a hand through her hair as she paced the floor before me. Stopping, she lifted her eyes to mine and took a breath before starting again.

“Harper. I don’t want to do it anymore because I don’t want to only get to see you or touch you or be with you when I’m frustrated. I want more than that.”

I stopped cold, my stomach feeling sick by the way it was rising and dropping all over the place. While her words sounded distressed, they were good, right? She was saying what I thought she was saying, wasn’t she?

To be clear, I asked, “Okay… Like what?”

“Like… well, how I like it when we go out for food, or when we watch movies together, or even when we just talk. I like that you met my mom and that, even though Ox will probably never admit it, he kind of likes you. And I want to know more about you. I want to know about where you grew up in Connecticut, or why you know how to fix an oven without looking at instructions. I want to know more about your sister—not just now that she’s gone, I want to know the good stuff too. ”

“I want to be around you. I—God, I’m not explaining this right.” She cut off, and I slid my fingers under her chin to lift her face to mine, finally rousing myself out of my shell-shocked state to meet her where she was right now .

Looking right into her stormy depths I said, “Just try. I’m listening, Alta. Always.”

Her breath shuddered as she continued to look up at me. “I don’t want to use you up anymore, Harper. I never really did. I just want to be around you. That’s enough for me… it’s everything to me.”

My voice was slow even to my own ears as I asked carefully, “So what you’re saying is, you want to date?”

Dropping her eyes to the ground she pouted, “I don’t know.”

“ Alta ,” I warned. She wasn’t telling the truth, this girl always knew what she wanted.

She wasn’t fooling me. “Cut the shit already. I know you. If you’re mad, tell me you’re mad.

If you’re upset, tell me why. If you want to date me, let’s fucking do it.

But you don’t hide feelings with me, remember?

I’m not everyone else. This is you and me, baby. Just tell me so we can work it out.”

“Okay, fine! Yes. I guess I want to date!” She exploded only for all her steam to fizzle out immediately as she wrapped her arms around herself, peeking up at me. “If that’s okay.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

She winced, “I’m sorry, I?—”

“Why the fuck are you apologizing for something like that?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, I never want to assume.”

I scoffed at her, my head shaking. “Let me tell you something straight right now, always assume that I fucking want you. With you I’m everything I want to be.

With you I’m lit up from the inside out.

You inspire me, challenge me, make me better, turn me the fuck on.

You take me there, Ally. Wherever it is I need to go.

How could you think I wouldn’t want to make what’s between us official? ”

Shrugging again, she answered, “Well, you didn’t mention anything about dating in our agreement and?—”

I sealed my lips over hers before she said a single other word.

“Rhetorical question, gorgeous,” I growled over her lips.

Laughing, I nibbled at her perfect smile.

Pressing mine to hers in question that she immediately answered by the parting of her lips to let me in.

The soft pass of her tongue against mine sent a shiver down my spine that had nothing to do with cold.

An exhilarating feeling skating across me, like I’d just been granted the most important gift of my life. “We fit so good.”

“Really?” She shuddered.

“ So good, baby,” my voice went gruff, husky, dazed and I couldn’t help smiling again as I sealed myself to her, unaware or just not caring about who could walk in on us at any time. Lowering my voice, I murmured across her lips, “Does my girl need to be reminded how good?”

Her breath hitched, her eyebrows raised. “Your girl?”

“Always my girl,” I admitted. “Have been from the moment you walked into my damn shop.”

It felt good that from associates to friends with benefits to having feelings for each other, it didn’t matter what we called ourselves anymore–because it turned out that she needed me the same way I needed her.

Body and soul.