Page 70 of Sway’s Peace (Delivery Service #2)

But that just deepened the furrow in Sway’s brow. “You say that like you expected this.”

Loyalty made that non-committal motion again.

“You did expect this? But…”

“I told you. I met this group before.” Loyalty looked out the open hole.

“I was in my previous body then, so I couldn’t talk.

I guess they must have assumed I had the understanding of a beast as well, because they were quite free with their opinions.

Of me. Of the universe. Of people like you.

I don’t mean murderers. I mean specifically farasie that break their pacifism.

They look down on your kind more than anyone.

They would consider you murdering someone to be worse than me doing the same.

They expect it from me. But you’re supposed to be one of them.

You defying their ideals, proving that farasie aren’t naturally, biologically superior and pacifistic, is cause for hatred. ”

“You came here with me because you knew they would turn on me,” Sway muttered. “That’s why you insisted on coming. Even though your mate is waiting for you.”

Loyalty chuckled. “She always said I had more guts than brains. My people earn our names, you know. Bet you can guess how I earned mine. But I can’t help how I feel.

Maybe it’s because the universe sees me as some kind of monster, but I want to treat the people who are kind to me even better.

Like I can prove, at least to them , that I’m not one. ”

They lapsed into a long silence as Sway contemplated his words.

Honestly, he expected that kind of loyalty from his crew. The people he’d escaped Rik-Vane with would have stayed with him as well if they’d had the same suspicions as Loyalty. If they knew that his kind would have turned against him like this, they would never have left.

But that was his crew. Males he was bonded to closer than brothers. Males that he would entrust his life to at any time – and had in the past.

Loyalty was just… Loyalty. Just a male he met by chance.

People called him a monster, but really…

“You’re no monster,” he said, his voice low. “I’ve met real monsters. I worked with them. Was controlled by them. Even helped them. You’re not one.”

Loyalty smirked. “Thanks. But I never said I was. I know what I am.”

Sway chuckled. “How was the name you earned not Confidence?”

“I know a female named Confidence, actually! Most arrogant thing you’ll ever meet.

Brags constantly. Look at my accomplishments.

Look at the male I chose. Look at the den I built.

She’s never met a problem she wasn’t absolutely certain she could solve.

But you can never accuse her of being concerned about what others think of her. And, annoyingly, she’s often right.”

“Friend of yours?”

“Mate, actually.” Loyalty laughed. “She’s precious. She’d love to meet you. Even if you are a murderer. She wouldn’t care. So long as you’re not murdering the people she loves.”

“Your people are a bit cavalier about death.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Loyalty lowered his leg, crossing them as his tail swept over the ground, upsetting the remains of the nest. “Our belief on death is that it isn’t the end.

That no life really ends, it just transforms. So, death is not a tragedy.

My people believe that when we take over the body of another, their life isn’t over.

It’s just joined to ours. We are a sum of all the creatures we’ve inhabited.

They stay with us. They become part of us.

The male I took this body from isn’t gone.

There is always part of him here with me.

Until the day we die, we are one. He lives through me.

What your people see as a monstrous act of horror, mine see as a sacred act of joining. ”

Sway was stunned. “I didn’t know that.”

“Most don’t.” Loyalty put a hand over his heart, smiling as he felt it beat.

Like the thudding of the borrowed heart was a great gift he cherished.

“We don’t tell you. On purpose. We may be part of the Coalition, but it is a place we earned out of guilt for your people trying to claim our land and harm us in their ignorance of our sapience.

You fear something we consider beautiful.

You revile it. Why would we open ourselves to you when you would no doubt take something so important to us and besmirch it? Just because you don’t understand it.”

Sway couldn’t argue with him. He had a point. He understood what Loyalty was saying, but he imagined most wouldn’t. They’d mock the argument. They’d try to cut it at the knees by saying it didn’t matter how he dressed it up, it was still murder and parasitism.

Loyalty lowered his hand again, focusing back on Sway. “But your people look just as horrific to me.”

Sway blinked, confused. “What do you mean?”

Loyalty frowned at him. Studying him. Like he was trying to figure out something complicated. It took him a while to answer, and when he finally did, it was slow and purposeful, like each word was measured before it was spoken.

“What your father has done is something so horrific… I honestly feel sick having been forced to witness it.”

Sway blinked at him, stunned by the vehement disgust in the statement. “What?”

“I told you. Family is everything to my people. From the moment we are spawned until the day we die, we are with our family. We are guaranteed their love and protection. It’s not uncommon among my kind for an entire family to be tried as criminals just because one committed a crime.

They will always try to cover it up. Try to protect the one who erred.

Even if they do not approve of what they did, the punishment should come from within.

Anything from outside, even a justified punishment, is considered an attack.

“So, to me, your father turning against you is the highest form of betrayal I can imagine. If I killed someone tomorrow, my father would kill someone else to conceal the crime. My mother would kill any witnesses. My siblings would lie and destroy evidence. My mate would probably burn down the investigator’s home just to make sure they didn’t have a chance to come after me.

And I would do the same for any of them.

None of my people would find it strange or wrong either. ”

Sway frowned. But Loyalty laughed.

“It must sound odd to you. But that’s how my people feel.

It’s what we believe in. For a parent to turn against their child, to abandon them, for any reason…

I cannot imagine anything more cruel or horrible than that.

It does not matter what you do. It does not matter what you did .

Even if the entire Song turned against you, your father should have stood with you.

Should have defended you. If he loved you as a father should, no one in that Song would ever have known your crimes. ”

Sway stared at him. Stunned. By the concept. By the sincerity burning in his gaze.

Loyalty let out a sigh, turning his eyes. “That probably makes no sense to you, but-”

“No,” Sway cut him off. “It does. It makes perfect sense. I… I know that feeling. That feeling that someone will always be at your side, watching your back. Someone who will kill for you. Who will do anything to protect you. I don’t just mean Grace.

I mean… Like a family. I know the feeling of what it means to have a family like that. ”

Understanding dawned on Loyalty’s face and he chuckled.

Sway knew exactly what Loyalty was describing. Because that’s how it felt being among his crew. The males he escaped with. The males he was building a future with.

If they had to kill someone to protect each other, to protect their freedom, their way of life, they absolutely would. Tanin would never let any of them come to harm from an outsider, but if he had to, he would – and had – punish them for wrongdoings.

The family Loyalty was used to was actually exactly what Sway was familiar with as well.

He already had all that. And maybe that’s why he’d never felt comfortable with the idea of Veesway as his father.

Why it felt so wrong trying to bond with him.

None of his crew would really be considered a parental figure – except maybe Garnet, with how she acted like everyone’s mother, constantly looking after them.

But he still had a family to bond with. A group that he was part of.

This other, new group his father was part of, even when they had been reaching out to him in welcome, was not his group, his family.

And that’s why he didn’t want to stay. It’s why, even when he felt like he was connecting with his roots, with his people, he felt no call to become one of them.

Because he wasn’t one of them. He was…

He was still a monster.

Sway’s smile faded as he stared at the ground.

The memories were there again. They always were. Just sitting there, haunting the back of his mind, just waiting for his attention to wander, his defenses to drop, so they could force themselves on him and remind him that he did not deserve peace.

“How do you do it?”

“Hm?” Loyalty cocked his head. “Do what?”

“How do you live as a monster?”

Loyalty didn’t respond immediately. He looked Sway over carefully for a long time before eventually saying-

“I don’t apologize for it.”

Sway frowned. He honestly expected another protest. For Loyalty to rage against the universe that classified him as thus.

To insist he wasn’t one. Sway wanted to know how he was supposed to fight against that label.

He wanted some secret for refusing to let himself be called that. Pride or determination or something .

But Loyalty was just accepting. Not resigned. Not even begrudging.

“Your people don’t apologize to me for being monsters,” he pointed out. “They aren’t apologizing to you, and you’re the one they’re being the most monstrous towards.”

“They aren’t…”