Page 19 of Sway’s Peace (Delivery Service #2)

Sway

Sway had tried to think of a way to message Grace and take back his agreement to this meal. But he couldn’t figure out how to do it without hurting her feelings. He didn’t want her to be upset. Which stood in such direct contrast to all the things he wanted to do to her.

He wanted her to cry. But he wanted those tears to be from pleasure, from overstimulation, from the rush of sensation and emotions he caused her. He didn’t want tears of sadness or hurt or fear. They weren’t the same at all.

He wanted her bound and thrashing, but not fighting or resisting.

He wanted her to plead with him, but he wanted her to never stop taking what he gave her.

No. If he was being honest with himself, it was even simpler than that.

He just wanted her. To hear her voice. To see her smile.

To be near her. He wasn’t used to feeling desire, so that already made things strange, but he also wasn’t used to actively wanting to be near someone like this.

He didn’t know what to do or think about it, only that it was making the disquiet in his mind worse.

At the same time, he didn’t actually want it to end. He knew he should tell her no, let her go, but he wasn’t a good enough male to sacrifice his own desires like that. Especially not when they were so new and unknown.

Honestly, if he thought about it, this was probably just a result of his life on Rik-Vane.

His only experience with sex was heated, loveless, and demanding. His body probably didn’t know any other way to experience pleasure.

Or any kind of joy, for that matter.

For so long, the only positive Sway could say his life had was that he’d managed to survive the day, and sometimes, the positivity of that statement was debatable.

Everything good and peaceful in him had been mercilessly, painfully burned away.

Parts of himself were so lost, he’d forgotten what they felt like.

Parts he was still trying to rebuild and restore.

Grappling with this new side of him, with these feelings he’d never experienced before, was something that would take time.

But it didn’t necessarily mean he had to deny Grace.

And he didn’t want to.

He really didn’t want to.

Sway wasn’t sure what was going to happen with her. With them. But he wanted to find out. He didn’t want to reject her. Or this new part of himself.

For the first time in his life, he regretted that he didn’t have better clothes. Males were meant to display themselves for their females. To show off their feathers, their bodies, without shame. But all he had were work clothes. He owned literally nothing else.

So, he chose his least raggedy ones, tried his best to make himself look good with what little he had, and showed up to their designated meeting spot early.

It was the first time he’d left the Humility in a while.

Besides the short trip to her office, which was work related, not anything personal, he rarely stepped foot off the ship.

Since he chose not to fight, he was a possible liability to the others.

If he stayed on the ship, at least he wasn’t a burden.

It felt strange to just go out for no official reason. Like he was walking into a place he didn’t belong.

But once he got past that initial discomfort, he found he rather liked the spot that Grace chose for them.

The artificial nature was pretty, it smelled unfamiliarly fresh, and the scent of food made his belly tighten with hunger.

Having been on the Humility for so long meant that he hadn’t eaten anything that hadn’t come from their food synthesizer in that same time.

He bought small, packaged snacks that he had picked up with their supplies, but those weren’t freshly cooked either.

In fact, they were all likely synthesized as well.

Smelling good, fresh, real food was made his stomach hurt with the desire to eat.

But he remained calm. Sitting there. Patiently waiting. More than eating, he wanted to see Grace first and enjoy this meal with her.

He was so busy imagining her there with him, smiling and happy in that perfect way of hers, that when she finally stepped into view, he was sure it must be a dream. He’d created a fantasy so powerful it manifested as a hallucination. Surely, a creature so lovely couldn’t be real.

Grace had chosen a simple, dark blue dress with short cap sleeves and a skirt that swirled around her thighs. Her hair was loose and unbound, not even a headband to keep the black tresses back today. No jewelry, no accessories – just Grace. Plain and simple and beautiful.

He was so glad he hadn’t talked himself into not seeing her.

She crossed the short distance as he stood, her smile widening the closer she came until she was beaming, standing right in front of him.

“Hey,” she greeted, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet. “Were you waiting long?”

He couldn’t recall anymore. It didn’t seem important. “No. Not at all.”

“Great! Shall we get some food? I’m so hungry. There’s this great vegetarian stand over here. It’s so good. Heavy on the nuts, with the best spicy sauce you can have them pour on anything. I even got them to put it on another stand’s dish once.”

How did her voice sound even better the second time he heard it?

There was music less melodious compared to her tone.

He followed her like he was a puppet on a string, trailing at her whim, as she led him to the stand in question.

She probably could have walked him off the side of a cliff and he would have gone right along with her just to hear more.

He couldn’t recall what he ordered. Whatever she recommended. He was just happy to listen to her talk about her day as they ordered, got their food, and went to sit at one of the little two person tables set out of the way.

He might not remember what he ordered, but he devoured every word she spoke. Listening like the small inanities of her day were the most important thing he’d ever heard. She could just start counting to a billion and he’d be enthralled with each number.

His desire for her stirred up all those dark and bad thoughts, but her voice brought him such peace.

“You sound like you enjoy your job,” he said as he poked at his food.

It appeared to be some kind of mash in a bread bowl covered in the spicy nut sauce she’d spoken of.

He didn’t recognize it immediately, but it was clear Grace enjoyed it by the way she hummed in appreciation after taking her first bite.

That hum did something to him. Something good. And something very, very bad.

“It’s a pretty nice place to work,” she agreed, nodding happily, oblivious to things she was doing to him. “The pay is great. And I get to meet so many interesting people.”

“Ah, I see. You pick your favorite from each crew and take them out for a meal as a matter of course. Should I be jealous?”

She giggled, the sound making him smile. “Not even. Actually, this is the first time I’ve gone out with someone who wasn’t a colleague. I tend to keep to myself. Home, work, and back again.”

“Nothing wrong with being a homebody.”

“There is though!” She frowned, pointing at him with a spoon loaded with a bite of food. “I came out here for adventure! For excitement! For something different.”

“On a starship repair station?”

“No,” she laughed. “Not the station. I meant space in general.”

He cocked his head curiously. “How did you end up here? You’re not mated. Are you?”

In the eternity it took for her to shake her head and answer, his heart pounded with anxiety. Maybe she was just being friendly, after all. Maybe he was reading something he just wanted to believe in the way she looked at him.

But no. She gave him a knowing smile. “No mate. And I know that’s how most humans find their way out here. But no. I’m actually a sponsor case.”

“How did you manage that? And where is your sponsor now?”

“Oh, we split a long time ago. I haven’t needed a sponsor in years.

We actually met on Earth’s moon. I was part of the human lunar experiments.

And I was one of the few who took them up on the offer to follow a sponsor out into the Coalition.

She was one of the caretakers of the dome that we were living in.

Her name’s Kiir. She’s a domini. Super friendly and sweet.

We lived on Holotulle while my sponsorship was ongoing.

That’s when I first started working for Uver Prime.

But she wanted to find her mate and have a family, so she went back to her home planet.

I decided to stay and take the promotion to dock master out here.

I’ve only been a dock master for a few tendays.

It’s great. Really. Just… it’s not what I wanted. ”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t really have the right to complain, I know.

” She poked awkwardly at her bowl. “But I never wanted to end up back in an administrative role. Datawork and managing teams and coordinating jobs. I did that on Earth. I left specifically because I didn’t want to keep doing it.

Because I didn’t want to keep living the way I was.

I really don’t like doing administration.

It’s boring. I wanted adventure and excitement.

Fun! Crossing galaxies to get away from being a paper pusher only to end up a data pusher is just ironic. ”

“Excitement and adventure aren’t necessarily good things,” he said calmly.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” she frowned before shaking her head, fixing a smile back on her face. “It really isn’t that bad. I’m just being ungrateful.”

Sway cocked his head. Not just because of what she said.

Though that was interesting too. But it was the tone that really caught his ear.

He was a farasie. His people were able to hear with much better clarity than most species.

She covered it well, but he heard that subtle dip when she said the word ‘ungrateful’.

There was a weight to the word he didn’t think she intended to show.