Page 34 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Moonlight (Midlife Menace #2)

Before I could tell Shu I’d changed my mind, he waved his wand over me. I slapped a hand over my mouth when my scream came out as an ear-piercing bleat.

“Just greaaat!” I tossed my furry hands in the air, my voice involuntarily vibrating with each word.

“Now I neeeed an adult diapeeer.” I no longer had on my boots, but I still wore my miniskirt.

I could distinctly feel a strange, tickling pressure in my behind, and I prayed it was just my twitchy tail and not goat choco puffs.

The Enchantress blinked at me. “I didn’t know you had bladder issues, though you are close to menopause.”

I snarled at her dig at my age, though it came out as a keening “baa,” making me “baa” even harder. “It’s for the goat tuuurds!”

“Nobody cares about that.” She waved away my concern. “Striga are used to Satyrs crapping everywhere.”

Yeah, we were, but we still didn’t like dodging goat turds while walking behind satyrs. This was one reason satyrs were considered the dregs of the magical world.

Shu turned poor Frederica into the biggest centaur I’d ever seen, with thick, muscular horse legs, impossibly broad shoulders, and a barrel chest. Her ears drooped just like her dildo horns. I was certain other striga would suspect she was part troll.

Next came my son. I tensed, fearing what he’d look like, but Des made the cutest satyr, with a mop of shaggy, dark hair and wide, soulful eyes. He laughed and bleated while peering at his fuzzy hands.

The Enchantress stood in front of Shu with an upturned chin. “Make me a Fae with pale skin and silver hair.”

“Whaaat?” I bleated. “No, you haaave to be a satyr too.”

“Nobody respects satyrs.” She gave me a sympathetic frown. “At least as a Fae, I’ll be able to ensure our entrance into the box.”

The bitch. I stomped a hoof. “This is trollshiiit.”

The Enchantress made a big show of checking an imaginary watch. “The game starts in ten minutes.”

“Come on, Maaama.” Des tugged on my sleeve, making cute little bleats. “I waaant to see the opening when they release the gooopher gnomes on the field.”

Shu turned the Enchantress into a lithe Fae with pale skin and long, silvery hair. She admired his handiwork in a compact mirror before winking at Nimue. “Not bad.”

Of course, she’d say that. She didn’t have to worry about goat turds falling out of her butt.

“Hang on,” Shu said. “I have to disguise everyone else.”

Bea fluttered down to us, her wings feverishly buzzing. “I don’t need a disguise—” Her head twitched. “—a disguise.”

I cocked a hand on my hip. “Why nooot?”

Her smile reminded me of a vampire with a fresh jug of O negative. “Nobody pays attention to sprites.”

“Actually,” Ethyl said as she fluttered in front of Bea, “it’s pixies nobody pays attention to.”

Bea gave Ethyl a withering look while turning up her nose. What was that all about? I guess Bea thought there was only enough room for one squeaky little winged witch.

Ethyl harrumphed , crossing her arms with a scowl.

“I pay attention to youuu, mein blume,” Frederica bleated while looking lovingly at Ethyl.

“I have an idea,” Shu said, then waved his wand at Bea.

In the next instant, Bea had transformed into a pixie who resembled Ethyl, only instead of rainbow wings, they were a blend of sparkling silver and lavender, with purple hair, tights, and accessories to match.

Bea threw back her head and let out a squeal that shattered the glass chandelier above us.

I threw up a protective chamber before the glass rained down on our heads. The glass hit the translucent umbrella above my family, falling down the sides like cascading beads. Nimue had pulled the Enchantress into an alcove, shielding her with her own body.

I winced when sharp talons bit into my skin.

“Get off me, Puffy.” I shooed the invisible dragon away.

He huffed a sulfuric breath into my hair and then fluttered away. Des held out an arm, and Puffy obviously landed on him, because my son’s shaggy hair ruffled from the dragon’s breath.

“That’s unnatural,” Ric murmured.

I knew he was speaking of Bea. Ric and I shared a look, and I wondered if the ghosts had fled the house because of the sprite.

She certainly sounded like a banshee, but those spirits weren’t corporeal.

The drawings of banshees didn’t show them as pixies, but rather as full-sized ghouls.

I popped the bubble while giving Bea a wary look.

Eyes wide with fright, she tugged at her purple hair, her voice having a strange, hollow echo as she snarled at Shu. “What have you done?”

Shu backed up, pressing into me. “It’s only a slight change.”

“Change me back!” she shrieked.

Shu trembled against me. “The spell wears off in a few hours.”

She thrust both fists into the air. “Change me back now!”

Nimue slithered toward the shrieking sprite. “Bea, you mussst calm down.”

“No!” she screamed. “I will not go as a pixie!”

“What’s wrong with pixies?” Ethyl snapped, her cheeks turning flame red.

Ignoring Ethyl, Bea hissed at Shu. “Change me back!”

“Like he saaaid,” Ric said sternly, his goat vibrato sounding far less threatening than his lion’s rumble, “it will wear oooff.”

Bea’s face turned an alarming red, then purple, then blue, and I threw up another protective chamber before she screamed so shrilly, the windows blew out of the front of the house.

I clenched my lipstick wand, tempted to zap her, but then she let out a moan and fluttered to the floor like a butterfly with torn wings.

The Enchantress walked up to her assistant and tapped her inert body with a foot. “Thank the Goddess.”

I popped the bubble again and stepped forward. “Is she okay?”

“Who cares?” The Enchantress shrugged. “We’re better off without her.”

Nimue rubbed her hands together, her neck gills rapidly contracting. “Let’ssss leave before she wakesss.”

I wondered why the Enchantress had Bea as an assistant. It was clear she and Nimue didn’t like her. Not that I blamed them. I’d felt sorry for Bea when she first came here. Now I was terrified of her as I wondered what in the hex she was.

Shu turned Ethyl into a sprite, though she looked nothing like Bea.

Instead, she had brown hair and tanned skin, making her look like a water sprite.

He made Nimue a centaur, though she was smaller than Frederica.

She clomped around the floor, her hooves echoing through the halls.

He made himself a leprechaun, shrinking himself by two feet.

He appeared ready to jump from a cereal box, with his green top hat and emerald velvet coat. Well, at least it wasn’t purple.

“Change everyone’s clothes to crimson,” the Enchantress said to him. “We’re sitting on the Fiery Dragons’ side.”

Des practically jumped out of his hooves as he thrust a fist into the air with a hoot while Shu waved his wand, giving us all Fiery Dragons’ jerseys.

I didn’t miss the panic in the Enchantress’s eyes when Bea stirred. Yeah, something was definitely amiss if the Enchantress was afraid of her own staff.

“Let’s go now,” she whispered.

“All right.” I nodded toward Bea as she let out a delicate moan, a sharp contrast to the terrifying creature she’d been moments ago. “She won’t be happy when she finds out we’ve left her.”

The Enchantress turned up her nose. “It’s her fault for being obnoxious.”

I bit back a laugh. The Enchantress calling someone else obnoxious was like Ric calling out another man for being too handsome, or me criticizing another woman for loving sex and chocolate.

Of course, I absolutely agreed with the Enchantress, though I feared Bea was more than obnoxious.

She was creepy and strange and, I suspected, harboring a sinister secret about her true identity, for it was clear she was more than just a sprite.

Whatever she was, I was relieved to be leaving her behind.

ONE MOMENT, WE WERE in the center of Ric’s island home, and the next, we were standing in a darkened alley.

The facade of a familiar arena was visible a few blocks away, thanks to my brilliant son’s teleporting abilities, though I pretended I’d transported everyone.

We were back in Rome near the famous ancient Colosseum.

Most everything in this section of Rome looked just like the human version, but we were in a different dimension here, one only striga could see.

In this dimension, our Colosseum had been restored to its original glory, towering columns that housed an arena big enough to host dragon battles, which it commonly did when it wasn’t used for ruggel.

We quickly exited the alley and crossed the street. Thousands of striga descended upon the Colosseum, many with painted faces and either crimson or green jerseys, which meant Ric’s old team, the Fiery Dragons, were playing the Hexing Hydras.

Just great. The Hexing Hydras were known for being vicious cheaters. This game was going to be even bloodier than usual.

The Enchantress nodded to a row of buildings across the street. We followed her, standing on the corner while Nimue clomped toward what appeared to be a scalper hiding in the shadows of another alley. She returned with tickets, handing them to us.

“We separate into groups here,” the Enchantress said, “and we meet back at our seats.”

Ric nodded. “You cross first, then we’ll follow.”

The Enchantress moved as lithe as a tree nymph down the street, she and her bodyguard disappearing into the crowd.

Ethyl pressed against Frederica, giving me a hopeless look while Shu fidgeted with the strings on his crimson sweatshirt.

“Stay close behind,” Ric whispered to them.

Frederica nodded, and we were off. Ric and I held Des’s hands as we walked swiftly down the block and crossed the street, our hooves clomping on the cobblestones.

Ugh. Walking was so awkward, though I did move faster with such powerful goat legs.

Each step pained my hooves, and I felt like I’d topple at the slightest breeze. How did these satyrs live like this?