Page 16 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Moonlight (Midlife Menace #2)
“Last century Martha Stuart,” I said with a smirk.
Shu cocked his hands on his hips. “Schweet!”
Des stabbed his juice box with a straw, plopped onto the white leather sofa, and turned on the ruggel game. His mop of hair blew back from his eyes, and I saw claw marks in the fabric on his shoulder and knew Puffy was probably trying to steal sips of juice.
“Don’t get comfortable,” Ric said while looking out the windows at the evening sky. “We won’t be here long.”
I turned at the sound of a thump , followed by an obnoxious, familiar giggle.
Ethyl fluttered back, smacking her head on the ceiling with a squeak. “Did you hear that?”
“Someone’s coming!” Ric hissed while quickly crossing to me.
Frederica let out a frightened moo and pulled Ethyl to her chest.
I motioned Des toward me and waved my wand, creating a translucent invisibility bubble around us a heartbeat before a witch with bunny ears and a white, puffy tail poking from underneath her skimpy nightie came hopping into the room.
I knew of only one bunny shifter, and that was Betty Bunnington, my ex father-in-law’s secretary.
“Where’s my big, bad wolfy!” She hopped to the edge of our bubble, her nose furiously twitching. “I’ve been a baaad bunny!”
And who should appear next but my ex father-in-law, Mr. Bardus, wearing nothing but a leather thong and leather suspenders that criss-crossed his bulbous stomach and hairy man boobs.
“Come here, fluffy cheeks!” he blurted, grasping his dangly bits in one hand and holding an open pill bottle in the other. “Daddy took another blue pill, and he’s ready for you to suck his pudding pop!”
Ethyl and Shu laughed, Ric swore, Frederica mooed, and Des gasped while taking my hand. I gathered enough sense to cover my son’s eyes, but the damage had already been done. I didn’t think there was a spell strong enough to bleach that memory from our minds.
I tensed when the naughty bunny giggled and hopped right into our bubble, instantly popping it.
Betty screamed and Mr. Bardus hollered a second before I zapped them with sleeping spells.
Betty twitched, falling onto the floor, a trio of little golden bunny poops falling from her behind.
Mr. Bardus hit his head on the edge of a table before crashing to the ground, blue pills scattering all over the carpet.
I winced, feeling slightly bad, but it served him right for being a cheat.
Whispering a healing spell, I waved my wand over Mr. Bardus’s forehead while trying not to let my gaze stray anywhere beneath his head, though I was painfully aware of his erection pointing at me like an arrow of shame.
Ethyl frowned at Betty. “That’s not Mrs. Bardus.”
“No.” I grimaced. “It’s his secretary.”
She let out an obnoxious snort. “Like father, like son.”
“Yep,” I grumbled, thanking Ric as he threw blankets over them, though now Mr. Bardus looked like he was sleeping beneath an erect circus tent.
“Impressive,” Ethyl whispered in my ear. “Maybe tiny-dick syndrome skips a generation.”
I swatted her chest. “Ethyl!”
“What happened to Papi?” Des asked.
I bit my lip, looking to Ric for assistance, but his cheeks colored as he gave me a helpless grin.
“Papi’s tired, so he went down for a nap,” I said, then I loudly whispered to Ric. “Can you get rid of them? Maybe put them in a bedroom?” I pointed in the opposite direction, where I knew there to be four staterooms.
He made a face while staring at Mr. Bardus’s eternal boner. “Sure.”
“Ya, I help,” Frederica said, picking up Mr. Bardus like a sack of potatoes and throwing him over her shoulder.
Ric hoisted Betty in his arms, swearing when more little rabbit turds fell onto the floor.
“I’ll go with you,” Shu said, waving his hand with a dramatic flourish. “I need to see the rest of this boat.”
Time slowed to a crawl while we waited for them to return. Des went back to watching his ruggel game as if he hadn’t just witnessed his grandfather’s blue pill blunder.
Ethyl nervously fluttered around the room. “Okay, where is she?”
By “she,” I knew Ethyl meant the Enchantress. “She supposedly rented a yacht at this club,” I answered. “She should be here any minute.”
I was relieved when Ric, Shu, and Frederica returned to us.
“Frederica dropped him face down,” Ric whispered. “I hope she didn’t break it.”
I cringed, instinctively crossing my legs. Even though I didn’t have one of my own, I still felt the phantom pain at the thought of being dropped that way. Not that Mr. Bardus didn’t deserve it for being a cheater, cheater, bunny turd eater.
I jumped, aiming my wand at the stern door when it rattled, then burst open in a spray of glitter.
A chill raced down my spine as cool air blew into the room, and I gaped at the sprite not much bigger than a ten-year-old child who fluttered inside.
With the exception of her translucent wings, she looked like a cross between a baby vampire and a porcelain doll, with a wide forehead, high cheekbones, pale face, long, black hair, and dark goth-like makeup smeared under her eyes that put my under-eye circles to shame.
I was honestly surprised she wasn’t wielding a bloody knife as I waited with bated breath for her head to start spinning.
She tossed even more glitter all over the floor and furniture like a possessed flower girl.
“Oh, commoners of the magical realm,” she called in a creepy, childlike voice.
“Commoners?” I grumbled.
“Prepare to be amazed by the most beautiful and entrancing striga in the universe,” the sprite continued, her voice taking on a dreamy tone.
“Eyes that sparkle like twilight stars, skin that shines like polished onyx, lips like dewy, morning rose petals, and a body that would make a siren sigh.” She spun in a circle, like a sprite tornado, then swept a hand toward the door.
“I present to you, the most beloved and divine witch in all strigadom, the Enchantress.”
I raised my wand when the ugliest creature I’d ever seen slithered into the room.
It was an unseen striga with the torso of a witch and the lower half of a snake, though her skin was green from head to toe.
I tensed, alarm bells going off in my head when the creature glared at me through slitted eyes while crossing tattooed arms over her broad chest. I didn’t know what manner of beast this striga was, but she had gills on her neck. Was she part snake or siren?
The beast’s sharp gaze swept the room before she slithered aside, revealing the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
We collectively gasped while gaping at the violet-eyed beauty with dark hair in intricate weaves plaited on top of her head.
Those videos of the Enchantress didn’t do her justice, because she was even more stunning in person, and she smelled good enough to eat, an intoxicating blend of vanilla and lavender that put my buttery cinnamon rolls to shame.
Her smooth, dark skin practically glowed from within, enhanced by her powerful alpha witch aura, and her shimmery lips were so pouty and kissable, I realized if ever a witch could turn me gay, it would be her.
For a moment, I thought about taking a dip in the other end of the cauldron, but then I remembered I had Ric.
I cut him a side-eye, noticing he was gaping at the beautiful witch too.
I wondered if he’d also thought about kissing those succulent lips, not that I had any right to blame him.
The Enchantress released the beast’s hand and stepped forward, clasping her hands to her heart.
“Oh, my,” she cooed, “you brought a welcoming party.” Her voice was far too sultry and smoky, as if her lungs had been soaked in aged whiskey and dark chocolate.
“Hello, my darling Enchanters.” Her smile was more dazzling than the noonday sun as she splayed manicured fingers across her chest. “It is I, the Enchantress, here to bless you with my presence. You, there.” She pointed at Frederica, her airy tone becoming more forceful.
“Be a good minotaur and carry in my luggage from the deck, but gently, please, and be careful not to get your big fingerprints on the selkie leather.” She waved away Frederica like she was shooing a fly.
I expected the minotaur to protest, but when Ethyl elbowed her lover, Frederica skulked to the outside deck. I only hoped she wasn’t seen. Beehive wig or not, she was still a scary sight to mortals.
“Thank you for acknowledging my higher station by dressing in humble attire,” the Enchantress continued.
Wait. What? Had she just insulted us? I was still so mesmerized by her beauty that I almost didn’t care.
Heat crept into my cheeks when she turned hardened eyes toward me. “I kindly ask you to please lower your wand.”
I quickly pocketed my wand, obeying her like I was in a trance.
“You’ve already met my servant, Bea. This is Nimue, my bodyguard.” She motioned toward the scary snake creature. “She means you no harm.” Her dazzling smile widened. “Now, who do we have here?”
“My family and friends,” I answered, repeating the lines I’d rehearsed, so she wouldn’t suspect the real reason Des was with us. “We’ve agreed not to separate. Last time we did, Frederica was almost killed by the Tribunal.”
“You mean the demons controlling the Tribunal?” she corrected.
Something in the smugness of her tone gave me pause, and the trance I’d been under started to wear off. “Well, yes.”
I thought I saw a flash of malice in her eyes, but surely, I must’ve imagined it. “I’m disappointed I don’t see any of your auras.” Her sharp gaze focused on me. “Especially yours.”