Page 2 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Moonlight (Midlife Menace #2)
Luci
We all wore western gear of some sort. Ric looked like a yummy cowboy villain dressed in all black, from his Stetson to his boots, his dark hair tied back in a queue, and he’d grown a full beard that shifted my libido into overdrive.
Squeezed between Ethyl and Des in the back seat was Shu, the electric Elvis cowboy, wearing a white rhinestone wide-rimmed hat and matching chaps, boots, and leather jacket with fringe hanging off the sleeves.
Ethyl wore a fuchsia cowboy hat, jeans, and boots to match her pink hair.
Des refused to wear a hat and boots, but he did agree to a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.
I was in a cute little denim and lace knee-high dress that twirled when I spun and matching blue boots.
You might be wondering why we decided to leave the safety of Ric’s warded mansion with a personal chef, movie room, and hot tub (Goddess, that hot tub!) while my aunt’s mercenaries and demons were hunting us.
Oh, yeah, Auntie Dearest had put a price on our heads after we refused to be good witches and serve in her army.
But back to why we were crazy enough to leave our little slice of paradise.
Unfortunately, not all the magic in the world could erase Ethyl’s childhood memory of watching a demon kill her mother and cousins while she hid in my pocket.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. There was a spell, but it might erase more than just a few memories.
Besides, Ethyl didn’t want to forget that day, lest that demon come after us again.
Since magic couldn’t cure her anxiety, we were forced to rely on the next best thing—human drugs.
This particular prescription had done wonders for her anxiety over the years.
Yeah, she tended to miniaturize and disappear when stressed, but her reaction was much worse before the medication, when she would disappear for days at a time.
Since going into hiding in Ric’s gorgeous mansion a month ago, Ethyl had handled the stress of Aunt Serena calling for our immediate capture and arrest fairly well, all thanks to the medication, which, unfortunately, needed to be refilled.
Because of the wards on the house, making it impossible for delivery drivers to find us, we had no choice but to leave the safety of our shelter.
The truck hit a bump that made Frederica loudly moo in protest as Ric turned into the pharmacy parking lot, the top of the trailer barely squeezing under the drive-through overhang.
I squinted at the glaring sunlight when Ric rolled down the truck window.
It was unusually bright outside on this cloudless day on the outskirts of Santa Fe, one reason we picked today to venture out.
Demons and the mercenaries hunting us were less likely to attack in the light of day.
Too many human witnesses. Because most witches were nocturnal, we set out at the butt crack of dawn, actually, more like 8:30, but since I hadn’t had my morning coffee yet, it might as well have been midnight.
An older human woman shoved open the rusty, sliding glass window, glaring at us expectantly from over the rim of her thick glasses.
“Howdy!” Ric said in a cheesy Texas accent while chewing on the end of an unlit pipe.
The trailer rattled, and Frederica made what was supposed to be a cow sound, but even her moo had a southern twang to it, kind of like mee-youuu!
Note to self: mythical creatures have no idea how to interact with humans.
The elderly pharmacist gave us a questioning look. “Pick up or drop off?”
Ethyl leaned over my seat, dangling her ID card. “I have a prescription on hold, a three-month supply.”
I took the ID from Ethyl, leaned across Ric’s lap, and handed it to the pharmacist with a smile. She snatched it from my hands with a frown before scowling once more at the trailer. Then she slammed the window shut.
Ric nervously tapped the steering wheel, whistling some honkytonk tune, and Ethyl bit her bottom lip, her eyes darting from window to window.
Shu tapped his boot to the music, the fringe on his sleeves rattling like a serpent’s tail.
Des focused on killing bad wizards on his tablet.
Little puffs of sulfuric air blew my hair, and I knew Puffy, the disappearing pygmy dragon, was sitting on my headrest. I prayed he didn’t splatter white dragon doo on Ric’s leather seat.
The pharmacist returned with a paper bag in hand. “Seventy-five dollars with your discount card.”
Ethyl nearly blew out my eardrums with her squeal. “Seventy-five dollars! What about generic?”
The old human rolled her eyes. “This is generic.”
“Here!” Ric thrust a hundred-dollar bill at the pharmacist, impatiently waving his fingers. He cleared his throat when she arched away from him, clutching the bag with narrowed eyes. “We’re in a hurry to get back to the rodeo.”
I stifled a groan, then breathed a sigh of relief when the human handed him the bag, ID card, and his change.
He tossed the bag and ID to Ethyl, then peeled out of the drive-through, eliciting an indignant “moooo” from Frederica when the trailer lurched forward.
We had just pulled onto the road when I heard a loud zap! The green light ahead quickly turned to red with no yellow in between.
I dug my fingers into Ric’s thigh. “Magic!”
Ric stepped on the gas. “Hold on!”
We ran the red, another car narrowly missing the tail end of our trailer.
Frederica let out a terrified “moomooooo!” when Ric punched the gas, kicking his diesel truck into turbo drive.
I heard a whoosh and then a vroom beside the truck, surprised to see a motorcycle keeping pace with us. I couldn’t make out the face of the rider behind the dark helmet, but I did recognize the long, onyx wand he clutched in his hand.
I quickly cracked the window and zapped him. His bike transformed back into a broomstick, shattering when it hit the pavement as he tumbled down the road and into a dirt embankment.
Ouch. That had to hurt. Oh, well. That’s what he got for messing with the wrong witch.
Ethyl screamed and miniaturized, fluttering into Shu’s pocket when something hit the roof with a loud thump .
I zapped the roof with my wand, and it lit up like a Christmas tree, electrocuting whoever was on top.
They tumbled off the back, smacking into the trailer before hitting the pavement.
An agonized cry rang out when the trailer bounced.
I didn’t want to think of the splat that was left on the road after being run over by one thousand pounds of Frederica.
If it was at all possible, Ric sped up when a massive flock of birds flew toward our windshield.
“Birds!” Des pointed at the growing black blobs in the sky as they dove for our truck.
“Not birds,” Ric grumbled with a thick Latin accent. “Harpies.”
Harpies? Ahh, troll turds!
No doubt sent by my darling Aunt Serena. Who needed enemies when you had family?
“Hang on, everyone.” Ric grabbed the gearshift with whitened knuckles. “This is going to be a bumpy ride.”
He shoved the gearshifter back, and I lurched forward, then fell back against my seat as if struck by a great wind.
A giant crack rent the air, and the road ahead transformed into a huge, swirling vortex.
I sucked in a scream when the truck veered sharply downward like we were on the roller coaster from hell.
Shu grabbed the back of my seat, his eyes wide with shock. “Totally gnarly!”
Frederica’s moos grew more desperate. Des raised his arms, letting out a cry of delight, Puffy landed on my head in a panic, his claws digging into my scalp, and I suddenly wished I’d worn an adult diaper under my dress.
I LET OUT A GROAN, rubbing my sore scalp, when we landed with a jarring thud. As soon as my world stopped spinning, I turned around to check on my son.
He was smiling from ear-to-ear while palming the air, which meant Puffy was sitting in his lap. “That was fun!”
The others in the truck cab were rattled, like me, but otherwise unharmed.
I looked out the windows, startled by the strange tropical scene, when just moments earlier, we’d been in the arid mountainous desert of Santa Fe. “Where are we?” I asked Ric.
“My private island,” he said, his deep Spanish accent restored as he flashed a carefree smile and opened his door.
Too shocked to process how I felt about our sudden change of environment, I was struck by a wave of tropical heat as birds chirped all around us. I was still disoriented when, ever the gentleman, Ric opened my door and helped me out, then assisted the others.
“Totally radical!” Shu spun a slow circle as he removed his fringe jacket and cowboy hat.
“Someone please help me with Frederica.” Ethyl fluttered above us, startling angry birds from the treetops before she landed behind the trailer.
My legs felt like they were encrusted in concrete blocks as I trampled soft grass while following Ric to the back of the trailer.
Last night, when Ric had told me he had another hiding place, I hadn’t known he meant a private island.
What other secrets had he been keeping from me?
I inwardly chastised myself for being unfair.
I shouldn’t expect him to spill all his secrets at once.
We’d only recently become officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
Just last night, I’d agreed to a relationship trial run, though I hoped and prayed I hadn’t made a mistake, especially considering we would still be stuck with each other if it didn’t work out.
“Are we safe here?” I asked him.
“Perfectly,” he said as he pushed the rusty bolt off the doors and freed Frederica.
She emerged as her minotaur self, appearing ten shades of pissed off, her shirt torn and her dildo horns (made of soft keratin) wiggling like Jell-O.
Ethyl flew at her lover, smacking into her chest like a bird striking glass. “Freddie, darling! I’m so glad you’re okay!”
“No thanks to his driving,” Frederica grumbled, her German accent thick, while she motioned toward Ric.