Page 24 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Moonlight (Midlife Menace #2)

I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT to expect from the video, but I experienced an odd disconnect from the woman who’d felt like a cornered gnome just moments earlier.

The Enchantress didn’t come off quite as rude from this side of the screen.

She just seemed like someone trying to get to the truth.

I couldn’t deny feeling slightly guilty for my reaction toward her, though only slightly.

Why didn’t she warn me that my full torso and even the tops of my thighs would be on the screen?

I’d heard the camera added ten pounds, but I was convinced it added twenty.

Certainly, I hadn’t put on that much weight after doing nothing but watching movies, eating pastries, and having sex for a month.

The sex should’ve balanced out all that sitting and eating, right?

Handing Ethyl back her phone, I leaned against Ric on the wide pool lounge chair, the late morning sun beating down on my face and warming away my worries.

The entire family was at the pool. Des practiced his cannonballs while Puffy let out excited squeals and flew erratic circles over him.

Frederica read a book about hungry, horny werewolves on the grass beneath the shade of an umbrella, and Shu laid out on a blanket just outside the shade, wearing nothing but a too-tight pair of swim trunks and more baby oil and Drakkar Noir than belonged in a retro vampire orgy.

Eyes glued to her phone, Ethyl swiped across the screen. “The comments are mostly good.”

“I know,” I said, hardly believing what was happening. “There are a few troll comments,” I added.

She shook her head. “But other striga are shutting them down.”

Ric wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. “So it worked?”

Was I a fool for believing our fortunes were about to change?

“Maybe the Enchantress asked you the tough questions to make you seem more authentic,” Ethyl said.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I ruminated on the possibility. Maybe she wasn’t trying to make me look bad. And maybe period fairies would come flying out of my butt with a new box of tampons.

“I’m reserving my judgement for now,” I said to them. “We still have more interviews this week.”

Ethyl fluttered to her knees, pressing her phone to her heart. “But if they all go as well as this one, maybe we can turn strigadom in your favor.”

“Possibly,” I said, inwardly cringing when I remembered how the Enchantress had treated me before I’d tried to send her packing. “But I’m not getting my hopes up.”

Des pulled himself onto the deck and wrapped a towel around his waist. “I saw your video, Mama,” he said as he sat at the foot of our lounge.

“Did you like it?” I asked.

“Yes.” He flashed a timid smile, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. “Is she nice now?”

Ugh. He wasn’t falling in love with her again, was he? I scooted against Ric and patted the spot beside me. “I’m reserving my opinion for now.”

Des grabbed his backpack off the opposite chair and sat beside me. Frowning, he pulled his tablet out of the bag. “Dad keeps calling,” he said as the tablet rattled in his hand.

Aww, troll dung! I had forgotten all about my annoying ex. “Did you answer?”

“No.” He shoved the buzzing tablet into my hands. “Will you talk to him?”

I heaved a groan as the tablet kept rattling like a death knell. “Okay.” I supposed it was my job to fend off Farty Face.

Ethyl let out a squeak and fluttered toward Frederica.

“Hey, buddy,” Ric said while slowly standing, stretching all those glorious muscles toward the bright sky. “Do you want to go do some cannonballs?”

Des jumped up from his seat, his eyes lighting up. “Sure."

As soon as they were out of earshot, I reluctantly answered my ex’s call, my shoulders falling when his fat, ugly head filled the screen.

I heard noxious giggles in the background, which meant Felicity Fartface, aka Homewrecker Demon Barbie, was listening, which meant she was also controlling him, probably in the same way that demon had been controlling my grandmother, Maga Sagredo.

I gritted my teeth. “What, Colin?”

The spores from his rancid breath fogged the screen. “You knocked out my father?”

I flashed a triumphant grin. “And his mistress.”

His eyes practically crossed. “Betty is his secretary.”

I laughed. “They were barely dressed, and he was chasing her around the boat with a stiffy and a bottle of dicker-uppers.”

He jerked back. “I don’t believe you. He’d never do that to my mom.”

“Why not? You did it to me!”

He pouted like a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. “My parents have a better marriage than we had.”

What an idiot. “Apparently not.”

A sibilant whisper echoed from somewhere off-screen as he averted his gaze.

No doubt, his demon wife was telling him what to say.

I squinted at the screen, searching his eyes for any sign of demon possession.

I sure hoped not, because I knew it would break Des’s heart.

Luckily, I didn’t see any flashes of red.

“I saw your video,” he snarled. “You’d take Des to war instead of leaving him with his father?”

“You can’t protect him.”

His jaw dropped. “Who says I can’t?”

“You’re a second-rate witch, Colin.” I heaved a relieved breath, thankful we weren’t married anymore, and I no longer had to lie to stroke his ego, kind of like all the times I had to tell him his penis was “big enough.” “You won’t survive a confrontation with demons.”

His eyes narrowed to angry slits. “So, is this how you get back at me?”

“Yes, Colin.” I bit back a curse. “It’s all about you. How did you guess?”

“I can protect him.” He nodded toward something off-screen. “We’ve hired extra security.”

“Who is ‘we?’” I pressed, though I already knew the answer.

“Felicity and me.” He beamed, like he was proud of himself for having rich parents who could pay for real witches to keep them safe. “We have a team of striga security watching the house.”

I had a feeling Homewrecker Demon Barbie had done the hiring, and these security guards were more succubi or Vindicti priests who worked for the demons.

I didn’t flat-out tell Colin that his new bride was possessed, because he probably wouldn’t believe me, and if he did, she’d kill him.

Even though he was more annoying than a cheesy-smelling, tampon-stealing gnome, he was still my son’s father, and I couldn’t let him get himself killed.

There was the chance that Felicity could infect him with a succubus, too, but I held out hope that his butthole breath and pencil dick would repel demons.

Besides, demons preferred to possess powerful witches.

I surmised some unlucky succubus tribute had been forced to take over my ex’s new wife to get to me. Luckily, their plan had failed.

While rubbing my throbbing temples, I heaved a weary sigh. I was so tired of this same old argument. “I can protect Des better than they can.”

“Luci!” He waved a fist at the screen, his face turning redder than a dragon’s pecker. “I have rights!”

“You have a lot of money and no common sense. That’s all you have, Colin. Don’t call again unless it’s to visit with your son. I’m not leaving him with you, and that’s final!”

And with that, I hung up on him. Then I blocked his number for good measure. I’d unblock him in a few days after he hopefully calmed down, though I knew chances of that happening were about as slim as his condom size.