Page 39 of Soft Rebound (Mad City Moments #2)

Joe

I give my therapist , Simone, a synopsis of what Lance told me. Her forehead furrows as she listens intently.

“That must’ve been quite a shock,” she says. “Hearing that Kim is having a child with someone else.”

“I felt physical pain,” I say. “It was almost unbearable. I felt so ... betrayed. If Kim had cheated on me, I don’t think it would have hurt worse.”

“Well, I know that children are very important to you. And Kim said she didn’t want them, period. That sounded like an irreconcilable difference. An incompatibility.”

I nod. “But then it turned out it wasn’t an incompatibility. She just didn’t want them with me . It changes everything for me, Simone. Everything I’ve thought about our relationship. About myself. I felt so completely worthless... It broke me all over again.”

“Joe, let me stop you there for a moment,” she says gently. “Tell me about Liz.”

“What about her?”

“Well, you’ve been together for a few months now and things seem to be going well. So I wonder how you feel about her?”

“I ... I like her a lot.”

“More than Kim?”

I nod. “Much more. I love everything about her. The sex, our connection is so much deeper. We like each other’s friends. It’s easy to have fun together. She’s a great cook, too. It’s all pretty great, honestly.”

“And does she want kids?”

The question takes me by surprise. “I don’t actually know,” I say. “I’m pretty sure she does. Like, she might’ve mentioned it? Or maybe I’m imagining it. But I think she does.”

Simone smiles. “Well, you should probably ask her. But I will remind you that you said you loved everything about her. Do you love her?”

I raise my eyes and meet Simone’s. “I don’t know.”

“It’s been nearly a year since you met her. You do know if you love her or not.”

I cast my eyes down on my hands. My fingers are interlaced between my knees.

“I know the answer, Joe. I see how your face looks when you talk about her. But I want you to know it, too.”

I sigh and nod.

“Good. I take it she doesn’t know how you feel?”

“No,” I say. “We’ve never ... I don’t want to spook her, honestly.”

“It will only spook her if she doesn’t feel the same.”

I feel the chilling grip of fear. “What if she doesn’t?”

“You’d know by now. The connection you said you feel? That cannot be faked.”

I sit back and think. I loved Kim, I really thought I had, but we were never lost at sea like Liz and I are, when we completely let go together.

There was always a soberness to Kim, a withholding, and I could sense it because I withheld myself, too.

I used to think that’s just how things were, with everyone.

“I think you’re right,” I say. “I think I realize what you’ve been trying to tell me since I started seeing you—that Kim wasn’t my person, but I can only see it now,” I say, “because I know how the real thing actually feels.”

Simone nods, her mouth stretching into a wide smile. “Yes.”

“Wow. This therapy business really works.”

Simone laughs, then quickly regains composure. “So, do you understand now that what you had with Kim wasn’t a lie? I never thought Kim deliberately meant to hurt you. She just felt, on some level, that you weren’t right for each other. She loved you as much as she could, I think.”

“But what about children? She insisted she never wanted them.”

“I think her not wanting to have children was genuine, or genuine enough. She was willing to do it for you, because she loved you. It was her relief over the miscarriage that torpedoed your marriage, not that she absolutely refused to have one with you.”

“Maybe she’s also doing it for this guy?”

“Maybe, but I hope not. It’s not really fair to the child to be brought into the world by a mother who doesn’t want them. Knowing how things ended with you, do you think Kim would do it again?”

“No,” I say. “Not Kim. Not a second time.”

“So maybe she really wants a child with this new man. Maybe she feels he’s the right match for her.

Women sometimes change their mind about motherhood.

Not always, of course, but sometimes they do.

Maybe that’s what happened with Kim. She found someone she loves so much she wants to have more of them. ”

“Wow, Simone, that’s so cheesy,” I say with a small chuckle. “But I get what you’re saying. Strangely, it does make me feel better.”

“Anyway, what I’m also trying to say is that the way that things transpired wasn’t a tragedy. You couldn’t see it while you were in the middle of it, but it brought you to someone much better suited for you. Someone with whom you can have everything.

“And hopefully you can be happy for Kim someday. I’m sure the divorce was hard on her, too. I know she’s been the villain in many of our sessions, but she’s just a woman, Joe. It seemed to me that she did her best to make you happy. You two just ... weren’t meant to be.”

This hits me pretty hard. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Obsessing over how wronged I was. I rarely wondered how Kim was doing. If she’d ever had a rough time after we’d split.

“I need to be a better partner to Liz,” I say. “Better than I was to Kim.”

Simone nods. “Empathy goes a long way.”

****

A fter the session I feel much better. Calmer. Clearer.

I text Lance.

Joe: Sorry about how I left yesterday. You took me by surprise

Give Kim and her new family my best

I should’ve pulled my head out of my ass and genuinely asked if she was okay all this time

I should’ve listened to you yesterday

I’m sorry man

I will do better

It takes an hour for me to receive a response.

Lance: Finally

Not sure how that huge head of yours stuck up your ass hasn’t given you hemorrhoids

Kim’s always been pretty protective of you

She always asks about you

Worries if you’re okay

Joe: I’ve always thought she just wants to keep tabs on me to one-up me

But maybe not

Lance: Dude

You know my sister

Joe: Yeah, I do

I forgot that

Head up ass and all that

I finally get we just weren’t right for each other

I guess it took finding someone who is for it to go through my thick skull

Lance: It was made harder by having head up your ass

Lots to buttcheek interference

Joe: laughing crying emoji

I’m sorry about your having a hard time with Sarah

I promise I am here if you need to talk

And I won’t freak out as I did yesterday

Lance: Good

When you learn to behave, maybe you can come over

See my kids

Joe: mind blown emoji

Lance: I talked with Sarah

She’s a Team Kim diehard

But she’s *not* rooting against Team Joe

Joe: That’s an improvement

Okay man

Good to clear the air

I gotta go see about a girl

****

I t’s about 8:00 PM on a Friday when I message Liz. I text her several times, but I get nothing back.

Joe: I missed you these past two days

I wanna see you ASAP

Are you home?

Can I come over?

No response. I probably deserve the cold shoulder.

I think about going to her place to surprise her, but it’s Friday night, so she might be out. I hate that I don’t know what she’s been up to.

I wish I didn’t have to wait till tomorrow to see her.

Around midnight I get the following text.

Liz: Roxie and I are eating pizza and drinking

Like a lot

We’re having a sleepover

I’d much rather sleep with you

I’m used to sleeping with you now

You smell good and you’re so big and warm

But you don’t like me anymore

I guess you realized how boring I am

Just like Jake did

Only it took him a lot longer

It makes me really sad

I really really like you

I feel terrible that she’s feeling sad. That I made her sad.

I call her but it goes directly to voicemail. I could go see her tonight, but it’s really late and she likely wouldn't hear the buzzer.

I guess it will have to wait till morning.

So I just text her back.

Joe: I really really like you too

You are not boring

I missed you so much today

And yesterday

Let’s never sleep apart anymore

I’m coming over tomorrow for lunch

I will bring food

Yes, for Roxie too

?