Page 25 of Soft Rebound (Mad City Moments #2)

“It’s okay. I can handle it.”

“You get no time off,” Bobby says.

“It’s better than it used to be,” I say. “Work isn’t so awful anymore, so I can do some cleaning and cooking during the week.”

“This is no way to live, Lizzie.”

“You’re the one bringing me extra work. I can’t stop now, because you won’t have an excuse to see Trey if I don’t.”

Bobby runs his fingers through his hair. I don’t see him in the hat anymore. “I know,” he says. “I’ll figure something out if you stop doing accounting for Dad.”

“You know, you could tell them you’ve met someone in Madison,” I say. “You don’t have to specify who it is. You’d be telling the truth.”

“I can’t tell them anything. They’re going to start planning a wedding. Part of the reason why Mickey isn’t getting married is so they’d stay off his case.”

“I don’t think Mom and Dad are Mickey’s problem. He just can’t make up his mind about Emily.”

“You’re wrong about that. Emily is it for him.”

“So, what’s he waiting for?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I think he might want to jump ship. Like you.”

“Mickey? Are you fucking serious?”

He nods.

“Now I feel even worse for having left.”

He shrugs.

“You’re making me all depressed again,” I say. “Why are we talking about this?”

“I have no idea.”

“All right, enough depressing talk of Mom and Dad and everyone jumping ship. I know you are dying to go see Trey. Go! Have fun. I’ll go out with Roxie.”

****

R oxie and I do go out , and two guys come over and sit with us. Roxie and one of them are currently at the bar, flirting hard, and I’m pretty sure she’ll take him home. I’m at the table with his friend, who looks like a more approachable version of my brother Mickey.

“You remind me of my eldest brother,” I say to the guy. “Only you seem way nicer than him.”

“Thanks, I suppose.” He smiles and rolls the bottle between his fingers, but doesn’t look me in the eye.

“This isn’t really your scene, is it?” I ask.

“Not really,” he says.

“So what do you like to do when you’re not being a wingman for your buddy there?”

“I didn’t think I would be a wingman. I thought we’d catch up and get some beers. But I guess he really likes your friend.”

I feel a little pang of disappointment that he’s clearly not interested in me, but it’s likely for the best since I’m really not interested in him either.

It strikes me as such a waste of energy to even think about being attractive to the people whom you don’t find attractive, but I guess that’s what it means to be single and female.

“Look, I think the two of them are hooking up for sure,” I say. “We can save ourselves by leaving early, if you want.” He shoots me a bemused look and I laugh. “Leave separately, of course. No need to prolong the agony.”

He looks very relieved, and honestly my ego gets a bit bruised. He must see it on my face, because he jumps in. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re really very pretty... It’s just that I am kind of into someone already.”

“And your buddy here doesn’t know.”

He shakes his head. “It’s ... complicated.”

“Let me guess. His sister? His ex?”

“His ex.”

“Oh, that’s rough. But you can’t help it if it’s true love.”

“Yeah, he wouldn’t understand.”

“Does she like you back?”

“I am pretty sure she does. But I think she’s really worried about the backlash from Wyatt. So she pushes me away.”

“That really sucks. When you know someone likes you as much as you like them, but they still stay away.” Not that I would have any recent personal experience with this particular scenario.

“Tell me about it.” He takes a sip of his beer.

“All I can tell you is that it sucks as much for her as it does for you. Probably even more.”

“You think so?” He looks at me with so much hope. It’s sweet and very sad.

“I know so. Being the one pushing away when the feelings are there is probably harder than being pushed away. At least when you’re the one being pushed away, you have righteous indignation. When you’re the one doing the pushing, you’re the villain. And you keep doubting yourself.”

“You sound like you know a bit about it.”

I shrug one shoulder. “Not your exact situation, but something similar. But I get where your girl is coming from.”

“So what should I do? I’m losing my mind here.”

“If you think this is the right thing, you and her, then you have to be patient. And maybe step away for a bit if it’s too hard to be around her, but make sure she knows you’re there and will wait.”

“Damn.” He rubs his face in frustration. “How long should I wait?”

I laugh. “I don’t know. I guess it depends on however long whatever it is that’s holding her back keeps holding her back.”

“But what if she’s never ready?”

I shrug. “That’s possible.”

“Man, I’m feeling even worse now. Thanks for listening, but this is all so bleak.”

I pat him on the hand. “Are you ready to lose your buddy over his ex?”

“Wyatt? I’d rather not if I can help it.”

“You have to talk to her. Ask her point blank what it would take for her to let you two give it a real shot.”

“She said she didn’t want to come between me and Wyatt. He and I have been friends since childhood.”

“And how long were those two together?”

“Oh, God. Years.”

“And you’re been in love with her the whole time.”

He nods.

“Damn, dude. Did she know?”

“I think she might’ve. On some level at least. We were all very good friends.”

“Why did the two of them break up?”

“He kept cheating on her.”

“Shit.” I scrunch my nose. “So Wyatt is a proper weasel, isn’t he?”

“Sometimes. He never deserved her, that’s for sure.”

“How did she find out?”

The guy hangs his head.

“You had a hand in it?”

He nods, a flash of panic in his eyes. “Please don’t tell Wyatt!”

I chuckle. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure I’ll never see Wyatt after tonight. But if you can make that girl happy, you do what’s right. Don’t let one selfish guy stand in the way of the happiness of two people.”

“So do you think I should tell Wyatt?” He’s looking at me like I’m an oracle, holding the keys to all the knowledge in the universe. If only he knew what a clueless mess I’ve been, he’d never ask me for advice. But I’m rooting for him and his girl, and I suppose that counts for something.

“Look,” I say, “I think you should make peace with the fact that Wyatt might not be your friend anymore when you tell him you love his ex. I wouldn’t do it until she’s at least agreed to go out with you. If she’s not into you, there’s no point in blowing things up.”

“I am pretty sure she’s into me.”

“How do you know?”

He looks at me askance, a bit of mischief in his expression.

“You dog! Okay, okay. So, how was it?”

His eyes bug out in shock.

“Go on,” I say. “You can tell me. We’ll never see each other again.”

He sighs. “It was fucking profound, that’s how it was.”

“Aww!” I lean back against the seat and press a hand to my chest. “That’s so romantic!”

He takes a swig of his beer and looks to the side, a small smile on his lips.

“You wanted to talk to Wyatt tonight?” I ask.

“Yeah, but then you and your friend showed up and now he thinks he’s going to score.”

“Do you want me to help get him back on track?”

“Can you do that?”

“Of course. Give me five minutes. Talk to Wyatt and go get your girl!”

I move toward Roxie and whisper that there is an emergency, that we have to leave immediately, and that I will make it worth her while.

She looks a bit annoyed, but I make puppy-dog eyes at her and she finishes her drink quickly, takes a deep breath, and leans toward Wyatt to apologize.

He looks surprised and then annoyed, and then says something really snarky about her leading him on, and suddenly I don’t feel bad at all for spoiling this hookup for Roxie, and I don’t think she minds it either, because the guy is a complete douchebag.

In less than five minutes we’re both out, and as we leave I turn around and see Nice Mickey, whose real name I never caught, smiling and giving me a beer-bottle salut . I reply with a small wave and mouth, Good luck!

The whole ride home I feel pressure in my chest and can’t stop thinking of Joe. It’s funny how the regret of not being with him feels just like the fear of being with him used to feel.

****

B y the end of my second month with Qpik—also the end of November—I feel settled. I see Roxie for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays and for coffee before work on Monday. On weekends, I sometimes go out with her to bars, and sometimes a few of her other friends join us.

The work no longer feels overwhelming, although I remain quite busy and eat lunch at my desk on days when I’m not meeting Roxie.

On Fridays, Bobby comes with receipts from Dad’s shop.

He spends all the time with Trey, except that the three of us get brunch together on Sundays with Trey’s mom.

Sometimes Trey’s sister Taniyah and her son join us, too.

Even Roxie has tagged along once or twice, because apparently she really likes brunch.

I can’t believe how much Bobby has changed.

He’s definitely picked up some style pointers from Trey, who is the best-dressed man I’ve ever seen in real life.

But it’s more than that. I think they’re in love.

There’s an aura around the two of them. I know it doesn’t really glow, but one can feel the pull between them, and I recognize it.

I recognize it because I’ve felt it, and I can now honestly say I’d never felt it until I met Joe.

I am positive that Jake and I were never in a bubble.

Not like this. Nothing even close to this.

Occasionally I ask Trey how Joe is doing. Trey stiffens and says Joe’s fine, and thanks me for asking. He doesn’t say anything else and considers me for a long moment, like he’s trying to read my mind and figure out what I’m feeling.

Roxie sometimes asks how I’m doing with the whole Jake and Joe thing. I tell her I’m okay. It’s kind of okay but also kind of a lie. She doesn’t pry, but she, too, considers me for a long moment, like she’s trying to read my mind.

The fact is that I am doing fine. Job is settled, I have friends, it is fine. Everything’s fine. But in the rare moments when I allow myself to admit I might not be fine, I feel a gnawing at my core, a pull of loneliness, of aimlessness. This is all fine but also very much not what I wanted to do.

Bobby tells me that Jake is still going strong with Bethany from our old work. I shrug. I mean, what’s there to say? I hope they’re happy, I suppose.

I honestly don’t care what he does now, but I do wonder if he cheated on me when we were together.

I ask Bobby if he knows anything, and my brother shrugs and says he will check.

He lobs the question back at me and asks if I think that Jake cheated.

I reach deep within, all the way to my gut, and realize that, deep down, yes, I know he did.

I start wondering what I would need to be happy. If I’d need a new place, a new job, a new career. If I’d need more friends, more hobbies. If I’d need a man, a family, a child.

I have more free time than I ever did before because I used to spend so much of it on Jake. I chuckle to myself when I realize Jake was like social media turned flesh—something I spent way too much time on, only to end up feeling pretty horrible about myself.

I would still like to have a family someday, but maybe that day isn’t soon, and the fear of the man being another Jake colors this particular dream with dread.

But the idea of going back to school to get a degree in education keeps popping into my mind with increasing frequency.

I actually think I might enjoy teaching kids math.

****

A fter four months of working for Qpik, at the freezing end of January, I relent under Roxie’s pressure and start going on dates through dating apps.

Over the next month, I match with a good a number of men.

We meet for coffee or dinner and they are all okay, a few of them quite good-looking, but I feel no spark with any of them.

The conversation is strained and I just can’t seem to bring out my charming self, even though I know she’s in there somewhere because she had no problem showing up for Joe.

Instead, the whole time I feel like I’m floating above the scene, watching myself with these random people, hearing myself sound robotic and dull, barely present in the moment.

Roxie says I’m not giving these guys a real chance. She’s right, but it also seems like most of them are just there to hook up, so I don’t think I’m actually breaking any hearts.

I thought I was ready to be all casual, too, but I soon realized I didn’t want to hook up with any of them, no matter how hot they were (and some were really hot, and they all seemed willing).

And the reason is that I’ve already had the world’s best hookup. I don’t want an inferior version of that.

Somewhere along the way, I realized hooking up would never be enough for me. Somewhere along the way, I realized I wanted to date again, but not just anyone—a very specific someone.

****

T he next time I see Trey at brunch, I ask him again how Joe is doing. He says fine, and watches me carefully, as he always does when I bring up his colleague.

When I smile sheepishly, he raises an eyebrow. “What exactly are you asking me, Liz?”

I square my shoulders. “Is he seeing anyone?”

A few moments pass before Trey decides to put me out of my misery. “Not that I know, no.”

I grin. I can’t help it. I’m feeling a little giddy.

Trey’s forehead wrinkles. “I love you, Lizzie, you know I do,” he says. “But I don’t want you messing with my man Joe again.”

I nod. “I know. I get it. And I don’t want to mess with him. I promise.”

“Okay,” says Trey, still looking at me suspiciously. “So what exactly do you want?”

“I’ve been meaning to call him, but even that seems like too meaningful of a step,” I say. “I wish we could reconnect ... with a little less pressure.”

Trey rubs his hands and bares his teeth in a grin that’s one part mischief, three parts pure evil. “Say no more.”

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