Page 19 of Soft Rebound (Mad City Moments #2)
“I don’t think that’s true,” I say. “I am sure there are plenty of people in the same situation as you. Figuring this out as adults.”
He looks at me so pleadingly, so desperately, I have to drop my food and walk around the table and wrap him in a tight hug. He slowly rubs my back.
“Thanks for being so cool about this,” he says.
“Of course,” I say. “I just wish you’d have told me sooner. Maybe I could’ve helped you meet someone.”
“I don’t think I was ready. I kept feeling it would go away, honestly. But it just wouldn’t.”
“I know,” I rub his upper arm, trying to soothe him. “I don’t know how I never picked up on it, honestly. It’s so obvious in hindsight. I’m sorry I was too clueless to be there for you in a way you needed. Like, it wasn’t even on my radar.”
“It’s how we grew up. There wasn’t space ... to be different.”
“Definitely not. I’m so sorry, Bobby.”
“Well, I’m still young. And you live here now, so maybe I can cruise for some Wisconsin dick when I come to visit.”
“Cruise for dick? Is that a real expression?”
“Maybe. Among the uncool, probably.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I am sure there are gay people in St. Cloud, too. Have you thought about going on the apps?”
“Oh, God, the apps. I did use them a couple of times when I was out of town, but not in St. Cloud. I’m afraid it’s too small. Someone will tell.”
“I can help you make some profiles. I bet Roxie knows all about making good profiles on dating apps.”
“Who’s Roxie? The new friend?”
“Yeah. She’s pretty cool.”
“Is she the one who made you think I might be gay?”
“No.” I pause. “It was ... someone else.”
He raises his eyebrow. “Someone you know well enough to discuss your brother’s sex life with, but whose name and purpose in your life you don’t want to reveal to said brother?”
“Yeah. Exactly like that.” I look very put-upon. “Now finish your dinner, it’s getting cold. It’s also getting late, and we should both get some sleep.”
“Look at you, sounding like Mom. All self-righteous and stern. And with selective hearing, ignoring obvious jabs from me.”
“I’m not ignoring anything. It’s just late and you’re being annoying.”
“I thought I was being charming.”
“Charming, annoying. It’s a very thin line.”
He chuckles. “You know, I’m not due back at the shop till Monday,” he says. “I thought I would help you move back.”
“Bobby, I’m not going back.”
“I know, I know. I was mostly teasing. It was clear you weren’t coming the minute I saw you walk down that hallway. You looked so relaxed, Lizzie. Like when you were a kid. I haven’t seen you this happy in years.”
I take a deep breath. “So you’ll be okay telling Mom and Dad I’m not coming home?”
“Yeah, I will. But don’t be surprised if one of them comes next, intent to drag you back.”
“Can you tell them I’m doing well here?”
He nods. “I just hope you get a job soon. Once you do, it will he harder for them to claim that you need to return.”
“I’ve been to a bunch of interviews. Some of them went really well. I am hopeful, and I’m going to keep interviewing until I get something.”
“And you’re not lonely?” he asks.
“I promise I’m not lonely.”
“You’ve got Roxie.”
“I do.”
“And not just Roxie.”
I lower my gaze. “Something like that.”
He grins. “Okay. I get it. Good for you, sis.”
“You don’t think I’m a terrible person for moving on so fast?”
He looks shocked. “What? No! Why?”
“I don’t know. I should be mourning the engagement.”
“Fuck that. Jake did you a favor, Lizzie. The fact you’re so happy now shows that beyond the shadow of a doubt. Fuck his pompous ass.”
I wrap my arms around my brother again. “Thank you. It really means a lot.”
“It means a lot that I hate Jake?”
“No. It means a lot that you’ve got my back. That you don’t think I’m awful for moving on so fast. That you don’t hate me for moving away.”
“Of course I don’t.” He squeezes me tighter. “I want you to be happy. I’d love it if you were closer, but that doesn’t mean I won’t want what’s best for you no matter where you live.”
“You could also move here, you know. People drive cars in Wisconsin, too.”
“I just might,” he says. “Especially if you and your dating-apps wizard friend hook me up with someone here. Although Dad might come and murder us both.”
“He won’t. Then he’ll be stuck with Mickey and his tiresome ass.”
Bobby laughs.
“So you’re staying through the weekend?” I ask.
“Yeah. I was thinking I might as well have a little vacation away from St. Cloud.”
I clasp my hands with delight. “Excellent! We can go do all the touristy things that I’ve felt too shy to do on my own. And I will help you with the apps.”
When Bobby goes to use the bathroom, I fix his bed in the spare bedroom.
And then I remember I should text Joe.
Liz: Sorry, I have to cancel our thing tomorrow
My brother just came into town
He will be here through Sunday
Joe: Okay. Have fun!
Btw, while I love our nekkid escapades, I will remind you that I wouldn’t mind hanging out while everyone is fully clothed and other people are around
Just in case you want to live dangerously and let me meet your brother
Liz: Look who’s got jokes now
Joe: Coward
Liz: Btw, you were right
About my brother
Whom you will NOT meet
He is gay
Joe: grinning face emoji I like it when I’m right
Liz: eyeroll emoji Don’t get used to it
Joe: Wouldn’t dream of it
I was looking forward to seeing you tomorrow though
Liz: Me too
We’ll get together next week
Joe: Okay. Have fun
Liz: Thanks
Our exchange leaves me anxious and stiff. He’s not happy I won’t see him, and, honestly, I’m not either.
But he keeps throwing out these bids for more, even though he knows I’m not ready. He keeps pushing, nicely and gently, but it’s still pushing and it makes me want to push back. Push him away.
All the way away. ?