Page 64 of Shallow

All because ofme.

During all this time, not once did I call. Not once did I reach out to apologize or right my wrongs. Nope, I drank my Cristal, went to the most elite Hollywood parties, and dropped my panties for the most sought-after men. I put Carrick Kincaid out of my mind, and when he managed to crawl back inside in the middle of the night, I’d just chase him away with more booze. More pills. Moredrugs.

More. More. More. Until life was continual numb days bleeding into numbnights.

Cary’s career isdead.

My career isdead.

Cary’s sister isdead.

Kirkland isdead.

Everything is dead, and every death stems from onereason.

Me.

I start laughing hysterically. Not the amused laugh that bubbles up as a chuckle from the base of your throat. No, this is the demented howl of a crazy person who’s just slashed somebody’s tires, then skewered and char-grilled their cat. I’m losing my mind, and I haven’t even been here a month. I’ll never makeit.

But right now, I’m sitting in the only place in the world that doesn’t hold memories I want to claw out of my head. In fact, this room has become somewhat of a sanctuary. A place that timecan

Allmine.

Crawling on my hands and knees, I barely make it to the cream-colored futon tucked away in the far corner of the room. Pulling a blanket off the top, I cocoon myself in the middle of it and finally let ithurt.

I now see the life I could’ve had instead of the one I chose. In a cruel twist of fate, my punishment is to watch someone else live it every day for the rest of mylife.

Cary got two years, and I got sentenced to three. That’s a total of five. We’ve spent seven apart. I’m no mathematical genius but karma always has a way of evening thescore.

Twenty-One

Cary

“Don’t doanything to make these people call the cops on you, boss,” Tiny warns, leaning over the steering wheel while peering up at Shiloh’s multimillion dollar home. “’Cause if you do stupid shit, I don’t have money to bail your ass out ofjail.”

I raise the half-empty whiskey bottle to my mouth and smirk before taking a drink. I can’t promise anything. Apparently, I woke up with an agenda full of stupidshit.

After using her for my twisted fantasies, the only thing I could think of to do was to get shitfaced. Hell, at this point I can’t even say it was a fantasy. The thing is, I don’t regret pushing us both to thebrink.

That’s probably some fucked-up psychological shit I don’t even want to getinto.

Halfway through a bottle of Jack Daniels, Frankie and Tiny took my keys and forced me in my own car. According to them, Shiloh and I had to work out this bullshit between us or they threatened to lock us inside the hallway bathroom until wedid.

Which I’m perfectly okay with, considering what almost happened inthere.

Without another word, I slam the car door and make my way up the winding driveway leading to Shiloh’s house. By the fifth time I ring the doorbell, I’m antsy as hell. The straight Jack didn’t help anything, but the fact that she’s not answering irritatesme.

By the time she opens the door, I’m worked up into fighting mode, ready to tell her to go to hell and buy her a one-way ticket myself. But one look at Shiloh’s tear-stained face and my angerfades

She leans her forehead against the doorframe. “How’d you get inhere?”

“I worked here for four years. You think I don’t remember the access code?” She doesn’t answer me, so I step forward. “I need to talk toyou.”

“I think you’ve saidenough.”

“I haven’t even gottenstarted.”

Lifting her face away from the doorframe, she inhales deeply while wrinkling her nose. “You smell like ass. Have you beendrinking?”