Page 111 of Shallow

Like so many other times before, I feel him. Turning around, I walk in a daze toward my window like a moth drawn to the flame. Lightning flashes in the background, and I see him clearly. He’s standing in my backyard, staring up at my third-floor window with his hands shoved in the pockets of his black jeans. He’s drenched, his white t-shirt stuck to his body, and his dark hair hanging over his nose like a mask. Our eyes connect and something breaks inside ofme.

Time reverses, and I can’t breathe. Seven years ago, he stood in this same spot. In the same color shirt and pants. Drenched from the same kind of thunderstorm with rain dripping down hisface.

“What are you gonna do—standout here in the rain and guard me like some straydog?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you so obsessed with me,Carrick?”

“I’m not obsessed, but making sure you rest peacefully tonight will allow me to do ittomorrow.”

“You can’t saveme.”

“Then I’ll just protectyou.”

He wasn’t callingto demand another chance. He was calling to check on me. If I still had a heart, I’d close the curtains and walk away, forcing him to open a vein and let my poison drain out. If I still had a heart I’d do all those things, but I can’t because it’s standing outside mywindow.

I hurry down two flights of steps, through the foyer and living room, across the newly mopped kitchen floor, and out the back door. He hasn’t moved from the spot where he was standing, his eyes steady on me as if he knew I’dcome.

I run as my bare feet hit the wet grass, stopping a couple feet in front of him. The rain becomes heavier, pelting against my face like one big sheet and drenching my pale yellow nightgown. It’s only then that his gaze drops, his breathing growing heavy as his eyes roam over mybody.

“You have to go home,Cary.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice is hoarse—almost as if he’s been standing out in the rain far longer than Irealized.

“Are you crazy?” I whisper-shout. “If Bianca catches you creeping around here in the middle of the night, she’ll pull the trigger first and ask questionslater.”

“You wouldn’t answer mycalls.”

“So you decided to stand in the middle of a lightning storm and hope I’d come to my senses before you gotelectrocuted?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he says with a slight smirk. “I was counting on you being a creature ofhabit.”

Fucking dick. Here I am, running out into a goddamn rainstorm because I’m worried about him, and he’s using one of my most cherished memories againstme.

“God, you’re so…” Frustrated, I throw my hands in the air and turn to leave. “Go home,Cary.”

Grabbing my elbow, he spins me back around. “What’s with you, Shiloh? When you took my hand outside the station, I thought maybe things could go back to the way they were, but then you freeze me out for two days. Is this still about the money? I’ve already apologized, and I told you I’ll return every penny ofthat—”

“Christ, here we go again about the goddamn money,” I interrupt, rolling my eyes. “Will you get over thatalready?”

“How the hell can I get over it when you’re going to keep punishing mefor—”

I scream because after all this time, he still doesn’t get it. “For fuck’s sake, I knew about the money all along, allright?”

It’s like a blanket suddenly drapes over his face, turning his expression to stone. “What the hell did you justsay?”

“Jesus, Cary, how stupid do you think I am? Do you think I didn’t know what I was doing that night? I know what I put back in my purse and what Ididn’t.”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “No, that can’t betrue.”

“Come on, think about it. How convenient is it that my checkbook just happened to fall out of my purse right as I got out of your car?” Giving him a look meant to cut through our constant bullshit, I lower my voice. “Cary, I gave you the push youneeded.”

“You set me up?” He takes a stepbackward.

I shake my head. “No, I forced you to take something on your terms that you refused to take on mine. I asked you so many times why you’d willingly take Taryn’s money but refuse to take mine. You could never give me an answer. You stillcan’t.”

“But the media…you allowed me to be publiclyhumiliated.”