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W hen I woke up the next morning, I wasn’t surprised to find Zack wasn’t lying next to me anymore. After all, he’d been snoozing like the dead for hours while I lay next to him, adjusting my legs an inch at a time, trying to make myself comfortable.

It had been a futile task.

When I’d finally fallen asleep, I’d crashed hard, so I wasn’t sure when Zack had finally gotten up.

I also had a bit of a headache when I lifted my head from the pillow, but my soul was singing.

The moment I’d been waiting for forever had finally arrived.

Zack was mine and I was his and now I felt more fulfilled than ever.

Unlike my mom’s failed relationships over the years, I had found a best friend who was also a lover, and I knew it couldn’t get better than that.

But my naivete clouded my judgment.

Sitting up in bed, I took my time, as every movement brought a fresh stab of pain.

My lady parts weren’t hurting quite as badly now, but it would take a while before I felt like my normal self.

I wondered how long it would take before I was ready to try having sex with Zack again—or, I corrected the words in my mind, making love , as he’d said last night.

Somehow, that seemed less sleazy and more dignified.

I knew it was a term Ava would have approved of back when we’d been silly girls talking about this sort of thing.

Moving more slowly than usual, I dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, my usual morning attire—comfortable but modest. My grandpa would approve.

He hadn’t been that thrilled that I was residing in a small apartment with three “grown men” (I had to remind him more than once that they were my age), but he relaxed when he found out I had my own bedroom with a lock on the door.

But what grandpa had perhaps feared had happened anyway, and it probably would have happened even sooner had Zack been open to it. I smiled again, happy to my core that my life was finally shaping up to be what I’d always dreamed of.

It didn’t take me long to realize that things in the house might be awkward for a while as we all adjusted.

I wondered if Zack would move into my room and make it official, and I considered suggesting it later.

First, though, I wondered if we would tell Braden and Cy or if we’d just let them figure it out.

For all I knew, Zack had already told them or maybe they’d figured it out when we hadn’t rejoined the party.

So even though my brain was on cloud nine, an awkward feeling gripped me, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I pulled on my fuzzy socks and decided I wouldn’t say anything unless someone asked. That would be the best way through the uncomfortable part.

First, I had to urinate.

Passing through the kitchen, though, I was relieved to find that no one was up.

I’d heard someone earlier, I thought, but I couldn’t remember who’d had to work this morning.

If they felt like I did, with a headache, sour stomach, and dry mouth, they might not have wanted to go.

Unfortunately, I also had a soreness between my legs that was making it hard to walk.

But I was by myself. Since the bathroom was empty, I brushed my teeth and washed my face before exiting.

When I got to the kitchen, I saw that the pot of coffee was still on. Coffee wasn’t normally my thing, but warming my throat sounded like a good idea. Soon, I was sitting at the table sipping a spoonful at a time, once again wondering where Zack had disappeared to.

After a few minutes, I heard a bedroom door open but I couldn’t make myself look up from the cup. Even with Zack, I was going to feel a little strange for a bit.

But it was Cy, his now-long mane pulled into a ponytail, wearing jeans and nothing else.

He walked over to the counter before saying what I’d thought just moments earlier.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy to see coffee already made.

” Soon, he sat down next to me and took a long sip of the black liquid.

“Thank you, Braden. I think the poor guy was probably still two sheets to the wind when he caught the bus this morning.”

“Ugh.” I probably would have had to call in sick if I’d had to drag myself to my job. There was no way I could have handled the smell of eggs and greasy sausage with my queasy tummy.

“You doin’ okay?”

I couldn’t be sure, but I hoped he was talking about the liquor. “Yeah. You?”

“Better now.” His dark eyes looked tired but no worse for the wear.

After a minute, we heard the sound of several aluminum cans crashing against each other in the living room, and I wondered if Zack had been sitting in there, doing work on his computer.

I felt hopeful—eager and excited to see him again—but I didn’t look directly at the doorway.

I didn’t want Cy to know how desperate I was to see Zack .

Unfortunately, it was Wes. He didn’t look much worse for the wear, but his shirt was off, confirming that he was indeed pretty scrawny underneath it all.

He had a tuft of light brown chest hair right between his pecs, pronounced because his skin was so pale.

But he had a tattoo on one of his pecs, and I wasn’t about to look at it to figure out what it was.

The guy said nothing as he made his way to the bathroom.

“If looks are any indication, he’s feeling worse than you and me.”

Indeed.

Things were about to get even weirder, I figured. I hadn’t expected Wes to still be in our apartment, but the way we’d been consuming everything in sight the night before shouldn’t have made it surprising. I still didn’t feel comfortable around the guy, though, so I considered going to my bedroom.

But then I heard another bedroom door open—and that could be only one other person.

I took a deep breath, overwhelmed by a need to hide my face or start giggling. I needed to be mature. More than that, I didn’t want to talk about it or even acknowledge it around other people. I wasn’t ready.

So I stirred my coffee like it was the most interesting thing I’d seen in years.

I could see Zack enter the kitchen out of my peripheral vision, and I couldn’t help myself. I looked up and smiled.

But I couldn’t read his expression.

He, too, got a cup of coffee. “You guys gonna want more?”

“Yeah, keep it comin’.”

“No, I’m good.” I looked over at Zack but he was focused on making the brew. By the time he sat down at the table, Wes had exited the bathroom.

“Holy shit! Did we get fucked up last night or what?” While I appreciated that Wes was trying to put on a positive face, his voice could have shattered windows—if there’d been any in the kitchen. Peeking his head in the fridge, he asked, “Got any Mountain Dew?”

“Coffee’s brewing.”

“Fuck that shit. What about a Monster?”

“Nope,” Zack said. “There might be a Dr. Pepper in there if you look hard enough.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

The guys talked for a while about some road construction downtown, but my mind was on Zack and Zack alone. When Cy got up to go shower and Wes meandered toward the living room, Zack said, “Wanna go for a drive?”

I wasn’t sure why he was asking, but I wasn’t about to turn him down. “Let me just get some different clothes on.”

Standing up from my chair, I felt a stab of pain, but I was definitely feeling better. Still, I didn’t want him burdened with guilt, so I made my best effort to walk normally.

I threw on my standard outfit of jeans and a different t-shirt before combing my hair, then put on a little eye makeup and left my room.

The sheets on the bed were still rumpled, and I knew if I pressed my head to the pillow, I’d be able to smell Zack.

Forcing a smile through the ache, I donned my heavy jacket as I re-entered the kitchen.

“Ready.” I was excited to hear what Zack had to say.

Fortunately, he didn’t walk down the hall outside our apartment or the stairs as fast as he usually did.

I was starting to think maybe he, too, was hungover.

“Seems wasteful to take that damn van everywhere.” It was his only transportation, though, since he’d left his old Green Machine at his mom’s house.

My poor car had been neglected a week after we’d moved in, so I said, “I can drive.”

“You up for walking a little? To that coffee shop on the corner? ”

I laughed. “We just had coffee.”

“Yeah, but they have the best cinnamon rolls. You ever have one?”

“No. I’ve never had their coffee, either.”

“Then that’s where we’re going. My treat.”

We could have stood out on the freezing sidewalk for all I cared. I was just thrilled that we were spending more time alone together. We took our time and I was content if Zack believed excess alcohol consumption for the night before was the reason why I, too, was walking slowly.

When we stepped outside the apartment building, I took a deep breath and then looked up at the sky. Gray clouds blanketed the city and added cool humidity to the air as I wondered if maybe our first snowfall of the year was on the way.

We walked in silence, the air feeling heavier as we made our way to the coffee shop a few doors down, perhaps mirroring our thoughts. Maybe down the road, I’d admit to Zack that he had taken my virginity but I didn’t want to tell him now. The time didn’t feel quite right.