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I wouldn’t have been able to handle any relationship Zack chose, but Ava? It felt like he’d shoved a dagger between my shoulder blades—and I wasn’t sure if I should be angrier with her or him.

And I didn’t know how to stop that jealous, vitriolic beast from bursting out of my chest.

“Ready?” he asked, walking with a swagger I’d never seen before.

Son of a bitch.

Did he know I’d seen it? Did he care? I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but by the time we reached our class, I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. “How serious are you guys?”

“Who? Me ‘n Ava?”

“No, you and Braden.” He started laughing as we made our way to our seats in the noisy classroom. Fighting to keep my voice steady, I said, “Glad you still have your sense of humor.” Ava might drain that dry pretty quickly.

“Do we look serious?” I raised my eyebrows and shrugged, forcing him to say, “She thinks I’m hot. How am I supposed to resist that shit?”

The bell rang and the few kids who’d been standing in various areas in the room made their way to their desks. Still trying to maintain a calm demeanor, I sucked in a deep breath through my nose.

Mr. Brennan droned on and on about nothing I cared about anymore. Would I really use this stuff playing drums? Instead, I focused on my interior, trying to tell myself that Zack would soon see the light.

He would, right?

“That’s bullshit, Braden. Would you be able to bring a girl to practice? Or could I bring a boy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should ask.”

“We gotta stay used to performing around people, Dani.” Oh, thanks, Cy. The one time you decide to chime in on anything.

Fuck.

I started banging on the drums, hoping to let out my anger and frustration before Zack brought in his new girlfriend.

Ava.

Yeah, now she’d gone from being not-so-serious to being more. I could hear Zack’s voice in my head: How could I resist? I’d tried to move on and now I was going to have to deal with her watching a practice. Zack was so fucking inconsiderate.

When they finally walked through the door, Ava in a tiny skirt hanging on Zack’s arm, she said, “Thanks for inviting me, babe.” As I stopped playing, trying not to look at her or puke, she addressed me anyway. “Dani, Zack tells me you’re a hell of a drummer.”

I forced myself to make eye contact but my flat voice said it all. “He’s too kind.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” Like she was an expert in metal music now, all of a sudden. Maybe Zack had a magic dick.

Oh, God. Why did I know they were already having sex ?

Zack was wanting to play a new song that we’d only practiced a couple of times before now—which made me all the more pissed off. It would be bad enough rehearsing shit we were good at in front of someone not in the band.

In front of Ava.

This new song was called “Turn Your Back,” and I was pretty sure it was about Parker leaving the band.

I still needed a lot of practice but I’d be damned if I let on.

I don’t know that I’ve ever beaten my drums harder than I did that night, and even when I screwed it up, I owned it.

I didn’t say a single word, but I just played on through.

Something interesting happened, though. After a while, I almost forgot Ava was there, finding a place of near nirvana as I transcended my emotions to be suspended in peace.

It was at that moment that my playing became perfect.

As if time was moving in slow motion, I was able to watch myself hitting each skin and cymbal at the exact right moment, and it was as if the guitars and Zack’s voice were muted.

Oh—and he was singing, too, something he’d usually reserved for when we’d gotten really good at playing a song.

But it wasn’t until I came down from my music high that I realized that was exactly what had already happened. And how the hell had we done that? Were we getting that good and that in sync with each other that we could get a song down that quickly?

Because it wasn’t just me who’d needed to be in the zone.

Maybe it was due to having an audience there—but I’d never admit it.

We practiced another couple of songs, and I tried not to look at Ava while we played, but once in a while, I’d glance her way. Fortunately, she wasn’t returning the favor. Her eyes were glued to my man .

Ah, but he wasn’t my man, and I knew it. In fact, at this point, I started believing I’d never have a chance.

I needed to figure out a way to let him go, to simply be the friend he wanted and needed me to be.

But it was damned near impossible by the end of the night—and I hoped Braden and Cy felt the same way.

“Great practice, guys,” Zack said as he started turning off amps.

We usually kept them at half volume, but based on the size of his house and where that spare bedroom was located related to the neighbors, I doubted even our loudest practices bothered people.

When his mom was home, we had them turned to their lowest setting, but that wasn’t an issue tonight.

According to Zack, she was working doubles that week, having something to do with a staffing shortage.

Ava said, “Thanks again for letting me watch.”

But she wasn’t heading toward the front door. In fact, the three of us—who usually discussed problems and possible changes with songs we’d worked on that evening, as well as chatting about what we planned for our next practice—were shooed out the door with nothing more than a cursory apology.

And I had a hard time sleeping that night, knowing that Ava was probably falling asleep in Zack’s arms, the place where I’d yearned to be for a very long time. Flipping over my damp pillow, I wondered how many thousands of tears I’d already shed for that boy.

But they weren’t the last.