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I was staring at a handful of cards—four black—trying to make sense of them and I was instead thinking about the time Zack kissed me, how it had felt almost like a drug in the way his lips on mine made my body react from head to toe.

While I tried to play the game, tossing the red card aside, my brain exploded.

Zack tapped on the face of the three of spades, so I discarded it as well.

But the wheels were churning upstairs. I realized that Zack really must have cared about me as more than a friend. Why else would he let his guard down like this when he was drinking? The time he’d kissed me had been just like this.

The one hole in my theory was that Zack drank a lot—like all the time.

It was something we didn’t talk about, but now that we lived together, it was hard to deny: the empty bottles in the trash, especially the small ones that are easy to hide in a pocket.

Part of it was probably our newfound freedom.

But, no matter his ordinary drinking habits, tonight differed in that he was consuming enough to get drunk.

He was already close.

Wes as dealer gave me two replacement cards while my mind continued to ponder Zack and me.

When my friend’s hands closed on my shoulders to rub out the aches I didn’t feel, my muscles clenched over the rest of my body as I dreamed of his hands in other places.

Had I not had liquor coursing through my veins, my cheeks surely would have turned as red as the cards I’d added to my hand.

What if Zack and I got together tonight?

Was it even something I could hope for?

Could I do anything to precipitate an encounter?

Jesus…as his right hand massaged the back of my neck, I lost all focus. The only thing I knew was that, at some point, I should somehow reciprocate his gestures to signal back that I most definitely was interested.

“Well?” Wes asked, pulling me out of my dreamlike haze.

My lack of attention wasn’t just because of the alcohol.

I let out a long sigh. My hand was crap, so I didn’t know how to bet. Turning to Zack, I whispered, “Should I fold?” I didn’t even begin to know the intricacies of bluffing .

Looking Zack in the eyes was a mistake, because I wanted to grab him and pull him out of the room where I could accost him with all my pent-up sexual tension—something I hadn’t really recognized until that very moment.

“Are you kidding?” He pointed at my cards—a queen and ten of spades, a king of clubs, a jack of diamonds, and a nine of hearts, what appeared to me to be a mishmash. He brought his mouth to my ear, sending a shiver up my spine, but his message was loud and clear. “You have a straight.”

“Oh.” I tried to act confident rather than goofy when I said, “I’ll raise you.”

I lost that hand, but that was mainly because I wasn’t good at keeping a poker face.

The only experience I’d had was pretending not to love Zack to the bottom of my soul, and right now, with the alcohol loosening every bolt in my brain, I couldn’t even do that.

But the guys were growing tired of the Dani-Zack team, so we separated and played our own hands after that point.

I actually got better without the distraction, even though I had to think a little harder.

At one point, with one bottle of wine gone and a dozen beer cans strewn throughout the living room, Wes said, “I wanna be the band’s manager. You don’t have one yet, do you?”

“Not so fast, man. I’m playing that role at the moment.”

“I wouldn’t charge you anything till you started making money. Besides,” he said, showing the lecherous streak I’d picked up on earlier, placing a hand on my knee, “someone’s gotta keep an eye on this little minx.”

Zack cleared his throat, throwing three cards down before removing Wes’s hand from my knee. “That’s my job, too.”

His deep voice sounded almost like a growl and sent a shiver down my spine.

I’d been in love with Zack for as long as I could remember, and now I found myself sexually attracted to him.

It didn’t hurt that he’d just played my knight in shining armor.

I hadn’t given much thought over the years to losing my virginity, but I knew now that I wanted Zack to be my first time.

And, if I had my way, my first time would be tonight.

So, later on when Zack announced that he was breaking out the weed, I was all in.

Maybe it would help me relax enough to make the process as painless as it could be.

I remembered my mom’s horror stories about the pain of losing her virginity, but maybe with the right concoction of body relaxers—vodka and marijuana—I might feel very little.

It would be worth it, even if it did hurt.

Zack didn’t do anything to make me feel like I had to try the little rolled up joint, but I was game for anything tonight.

It didn’t seem to do anything for me, but it didn’t hurt.

The guys seemed to mellow, although Wes was animated and overly loud, as if he was trying to command everyone’s attention.

Even though we wound up watching some comedy sketch about marijuana—apropos—I found myself distracted and even getting a little sleepy.

Zack came out of the kitchen with chips and dip and he put them on the coffee table before sitting next to me on the floor.

“You look bored.”

I shrugged. “Mmm, I don’t know.” I definitely wasn’t now that he’d found a seat next to me.

“Why don’t we go talk for a while?” The air escaped my lungs, evaporating so that I couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Just you and me.”

I dared not get my hopes up, but I nodded just the same—and prepared to follow Zack wherever he asked me to go.