Page 70 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

T he snow keeps coming, day after day, seemingly unending. I know it’s only inevitable, and enduring these sorts of moments in time, where the sun rarely puts in an appearance and the night comes around all too rapidly... well, such is the reality of winter in these mountains.

Even so, it’s tough mentally.

Particularly so on days like today when it feels like iced tendrils have been whipping at my face nonstop, and I’m weary. I’m so fucking weary.

How my dad has done this year upon year, I can’t fathom. He did all of this, without another soul to check on him or care for him. I might not have anyone here to physically help me out with the chores and the mundane routine of taking care of our stock, but I’ve got constant support.

Whenever I pick up the radio or find pockets of time when the internet is working strongly enough in the morning and at night to look at my phone, someone is always there to see how I’m doing.

Winnie jostles beneath me, her ears and mane are flecked with a dusting of snow, just as I am too.

As I ride, I keep returning to the knowledge that it’s foolish of me to feel like it’s not enough.

But I can’t fucking help it. The weeks have drifted on, and that glimmer of hope I had when Raine read my messages and posted the photo of us holding hands feels like a distant memory now.

I don’t know what I expected, but he’s typically distant and impossible to read. Of course, he is. This is the man who owns my heart from a million miles away, and he’s the absolute worst at communicating at the best of times.

So I gotta put up and shut up, and deal with the fallout from my own stupid mistake of pushing him away.

For all I know, he’s working in some similarly remote and inaccessible location.

There’s no question... he’s undoubtedly going to be gone a long fucking time, and it’s on my shoulders to become the man who is worthy of him by the point when our lives cross paths again.

Although, I hate not knowing when that might be.

This right here is all I can do. Focus on me. Do what he told me to do, and continue healing a little more each day in the meantime.

Even if it means doing so while balls fucking deep in snow and ice, cut off from the rest of the world.

Winnie tosses her head from side to side, which is her way of letting me know she’s just about had enough of being out in the elements.

At least we’ve had a reprieve from the storm fronts battering the ranch.

Today’s conditions aren’t due to deteriorate in the way they can so dramatically turn on a dime, but there’s still an ever-present drift of snowfall dancing little twirls and flourishes.

Those puffy clumps stick to my lips as I sink deeper into my high collar to shield against the wind.

I lean forward and give her a pat on the neck.

She’s been good to me today, so I promise extra treats and a night tucked up warm in her stall as thanks for being out with me in the bracing fucking chill while we made sure the cattle were fed.

Once we’re just outside the barn, I swing out of the saddle and give her a good dust-off. Her big liquidy eyes blink at me, and those clever ears twitch as she damn near runs me over in her enthusiasm to get back inside.

“Yeah, me too, girl.” I laugh. Fuck I spend a lot of time talking out loud to these horses.

They’ve probably heard almost as much as I’ve unloaded on my therapist. Except for where that’s concerned, I’ve had to find someone who can do everything via messaging.

The other fun part of our antiquated goddamn WiFi up here is the fact it isn’t strong enough for calls or anything that the rest of the world would be able to do with the power of the internet at their fingertips.

Now I can safely say, I’m in a hell of a better place.

Mind . . . relaxed.

Confidence . . . strengthened.

Sexuality . . . discussed at great length.

“At least it’s something of an improvement,” I mutter as Winnie clops beside me, and the two of us make our way toward the doors.

“Did you really mean what you said?” A deep voice reaches out from the shadows at the entrance to the barn.

Dark eyes lift to meet mine. The strongest of jaws, covered in a slightly thicker beard than when I last saw him. He leans back against the wall, with arms folded and boots crossed at the ankle.

The goddamn love of my life is waiting there, staring right at me.

I drop the reins and rush him. My balled-up fists collide with the front of his jacket, and I shove at his chest. With a desperate snarl on my lips, my pulse absolutely howls in the side of my throat.

“How could you? Putting yourself in danger like that?” I shove him harder.

“I know everything. How could you not tell me? All this time, I thought you were the meanest asshole to ever exist and that you hated everything about me. You leave me to find out by pure chance that you put your damn life on the line? He could have fucking killed you. A grown man beating up a teenager? All for the sake of me?”

I’m panting. My skin prickles as I keep wailing on his chest, and something hot and wet rolls down my numb cheeks.

“I didn’t deserve to be given your protection.

I’ve been nothing but a worthless, piece of shit burden to you.

Why the hell would you ever do that?” My arms feel like they weigh ten thousand pounds as I slam my fist into the front of his jacket with a guttural noise.

Raine traps my glove against his front. Pinning me beneath a secure hold and equally firm stare.

“Have you ever stopped to think that I can’t stand to see you hurt, or suffer?

Maybe I didn’t always know how to show it.

I probably fucked up too many times to count, but I’m here now, doing the only thing that makes sense—not leaving you.

” His voice is like velvet. A mirage from my dreams. Anything he says in that low, rumbly tone, I swear to god, I feel right down in the depths of my soul.

Snow keeps trickling from the sky, dusting across our shoulders, eddying between us to cling to my damp lashes, melting against my lips.

I’m speechless. Limp. Suddenly sideswiped by an onslaught of fatigue—I’ve been so tired, trudging forward for this long without him—and now am so impossibly relieved that this is real, and he’s here.

This is all so surreal. I can’t do anything but stare at him while my heart zooms laps inside my chest.

Studying my features, Raine traces them slowly, like he’s re-learning every single angle and slope.

“Hey, snowflake. I missed you.” The corners of his lips twitch, before his brows crease. “...wait, what’s that look for?”

“I don’t know how to feel when you call me that. I used to hate it.”

“Why?”

I sniff. Am I fucking crying? Is that what this is? I can’t remember the last time I cried. If ever. “You know why. That I’m weak and all that.”

He shakes his head, and being locked in the high beam of his gaze is a feeling I’ll never get used to.

“Not in my eyes. I mean, I used to call you that purely because I knew it pissed you off... and I’m sorry.

” He reaches up and brushes a thumb over my cheek.

“But I don’t think of it as reflective of being weak.

A snowflake is a thing of beauty. An infinitely unique pattern.

It melts, yes, but that depends on its circumstances.

When it transforms into water, you and I both know, that’s one of nature’s most powerful forces.

Able to flow and bend and fucking move mountains. A life-giving substance.”

Yeah, I’m crying. Full, fat, rolling tears make their way over my cheeks, and my eyes swim with the impact of everything he’s saying in that calm, anchoring way he does.

“You give me life, Kayce. You’ve shown me there’s a way to move on from the hurts of a past we shared... you’re stronger than I am, because you got back up each time. I’m so proud of you, and I didn’t always know how to say those words.”

Raine dips forward and takes what belongs to him.

He tugs his hat off his head and seeks out my lips.

A soft, yet intense, reconnection where all the ways he’s the center of my goddamn universe crackle and explode into a roaring bonfire.

His mouth presses against mine, and I breathlessly dissolve into him.

I can’t help but be reeled in by him and all the ways I’m longing for his rugged, gorgeous protectiveness.

“Snowflakes are beautiful,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“You think I’m...” It’s mostly just choked-up noises, rather than words coming out of me.

“Beautiful?” He hums. A rich, life-giving sort of vibration that pours forth to fill my veins. “Of course I do. You’re so goddamn beautiful, my sweet boy.”

Feeling Raine smile against my lips is everything.

In that moment, the cracks heal, the chasm closes over, and I’m more whole than I’ve ever felt before.

Raine lets me go, but only long enough to tend to Winnie. The entire time, he’s by my side, tracking me like I’m his willing prey, as we make sure she’s settled before he collides with me again.

My brain and body are screaming for him. With every drop of blood thrumming in my veins as we crash inside the house.

It’s unspoken between us, that need to be reconnected physically. I don’t think, just act. My hands are everywhere, pawing at him, pushing him ahead of me while tugging on his clothes with frustrated whines.

He matches me the whole way. Doesn’t pause for more than enough time to discard winter gear—boots and hats and jackets are tossed haphazardly—before he’s taking me by the hand and dragging me into his body so he can kiss me senseless once more.

Fuck, I love him so much.

Threading my fingers into his hair, I meet him in pure urgency. Our teeth clash, tongues slide together, and mouths angle to fully indulge the hunger roaring low in my stomach .