Page 41 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

M y throat tries to work down a swallow. A vain attempt to digest the intense vulnerability of this moment.

Raine stands over me, shining a pool of warm light just in front of my boots.

I truly don’t know how I ended up here. It wasn’t so much a conscious choice as one borne out of desperation. A weak, pathetic part of me who couldn’t think of any other course of action.

He wasn’t at the barn when I arrived, and I didn’t even know what I was going to say if I came across him amongst the stalls and the horses, but I found myself climbing these stairs, and this spot is where I crash-landed.

Crumpling into the morose heap he’s discovered me in.

Stuck somewhere between self-loathing and the aching need to escape the voices in my head.

The clawing melancholy encouraging me to slip back into old habits.

Now, I’m half-expecting him to kick me out.

To toss me back onto the trash heap I came from.

The guy who, for so long, has taken any and every opportunity to see me lose.

Well, won’t he be thrilled that right now, I’m back in the dirt.

Once again, I’m on my ass, and he gets to witness the crumbling mess of my life firsthand.

Raine’s silence is so oppressively loud.

He remains stock-still, the tiny beam of light hovering over the few feet extending between us.

Blowing out a long breath, I run my hand through my hair, down the back of my neck.

Everything feels tipped off center, and I don’t know how to straighten myself in the saddle again.

“I’ll just... I’ll go.” I croak. My voice hoarse and downright pathetic sounding, even to my own ears.

He’s gonna laugh in my face, if not spit in it. So, I should probably take the opportunity to leave with my tail between my legs before this gets any worse. Before I make an even bigger mess of things.

Raine doesn’t want to see me. What the fuck was I thinking?

A boot thuds beside me, and he nudges at my shoulder. At first, I think he’s truly going all out on treating me like the unwanted stray I currently resemble, about to chase me off his doormat with a broom handle, but then I realize he’s pushing me to sit upright so that he can open the door.

“Get your ass out of the cold,” he mutters, and walks past, flicking on lights as he does so. My heart kicks into overdrive when he leaves the entrance wide open for me to follow behind.

Scrambling to my feet, I’m more than a little unsteady and stiff-limbed after being huddled in the chill and damp for so long. I’m also thoroughly unsure how Raine is going to react to me turning up here—especially when our last interaction was nothing less than a short-circuiting of my hard drive.

He’s already crouched in front of the firebox to one side of the kitchen by the time I creep in after him.

Now free of his ranching work wear, that leaves him in his jeans and one of those faded flannel shirts he always favors.

The sight of him is more arresting than it has any right to be.

My eyes snag on the details I shouldn’t be taking in so eagerly.

Powerful thighs and corded forearms. His strong jaw covered in that short cut beard.

Stray curls falling forward across his eyes.

I’m consumed by an all too familiar sensation of being sucked under when I see him like this, looking so strong and steady it steals all the air from my lungs.

“Boots off inside.” He doesn’t look my way as I let the door click softly behind me, instead focusing on continuing to feed kindling into the low flames.

It’s a small, freestanding firebox, barely an ant compared to the giant thing we have up at Devil’s Peak Ranch roaring fiercely day and night.

It’s a practical detail for a place so small, designed to keep a loft of this size comfortable and warm since it’s virtually one big room up here.

The entire thing is probably four hundred square feet at the most.

It’s sized perfectly for one person to stay in, fitted with the basics.

And that thought immediately sends a bolt of heat to a place low in my stomach.

I’m suddenly very, very aware of how intimate this space is.

I’ve pretty much invaded Raine’s quarters without warning.

My attention snaps straight to where his bed sits, with rumpled sheets and bed covers, in the corner.

Goddamn it, seeing the obvious location where he lays his head at night sends a giddy pulse racing in the side of my throat.

I’m immediately flustered, wondering who he’s had in that bed since he’s been working here at Sunset Skies.

Did he bring that redhead home from the bar that night?

What about Jessie, since she was hanging off his every word at the bonfire?

Was there someone here waiting for him the moment he left me behind on Devil’s Peak?

Jesus. Another shot of something heated drives a barb, a jagged gut punch, straight to my core when I picture him tangled in those sheets... only this time, with another guy.

My mouth goes dry, fingers all tingly as I take my boots off as he instructed. While bending down, I realize my hoodie is damp, and yank it off to hopefully let it dry in front of the fire for a while.

God, I’m suspended in the middle of something I don’t understand, fluttering around on the spot beside the door. Right now, I’m torn between bolting into the night without another look back, or staying.

But then, Raine’s movement catches my eye. He stands up and takes a last glance at the fire, giving it one of those familiar penetrating assessments. The kind that is oh so very good at stripping me down to my very bones whenever one of those looks lands my way.

I used to detest that look. Now, I feel like I’d do just about anything to be on the receiving end of it again.

He drags a forearm across his brow, then crosses the room to the small kitchenette.

On the outside, his demeanor is impossible to interpret.

Guarded body language I’ve always struggled to understand; he’s just so damn wary at all times.

While I’ve always had the inclination to make myself likable, and mold to any crowd I’m in, Raine has always been closed off.

Something about that, about knowing that he’s even invited me to step through that doorway—that he didn’t shove a shotgun between my teeth and order me to leave his doorstep—has me shifting my weight from foot to foot.

It’s nothing to do with my busted leg, either.

In fact, right now, I’m not even sure my brain registers my knee at all.

I’m snared in his silence. Waiting for the tiniest flicker of something to make its presence known. With heart pattering away inside my chest, I’m terrified of what he might be thinking.

“You want a soda or something?” Wrapping one fist around the handle of the small fridge, he grunts in my direction.

With his other big paw, he threads fingers through his curls, dusting them back off his forehead in a way I feel like I’ve watched him do a thousand times, yet never truly appreciated what that movement does to his figure.

Reaching up with one arm puts his broadness on full display. A heady showcase of his back, the thickness of his torso, and the solidity of that bicep. All of him is perfectly highlighted as soft fabric cinches and folds to encase his body.

“ Uhh . No. I’m ok.” Quickly averting my eyes, I drop them from the spot where his dark hair brushes against the collar of his shirt. Which is a mistake, because that only makes me stall at the sight of his ass, and so help me in my newfound identity, but my body flushes from head to toe.

This is so wrong. We’ve kissed, he’s made me blow my load all over myself twice now, and yet somehow, this feels like I’m stepping into even more dangerous territory.

Because those other times were sudden, desperate moments.

Rash decisions made while swept up by a compulsion neither of us could walk away from.

And here, now, I’m seeking something entirely different from that.

Or maybe it’s what I’m here to search for, yet again.

He’s become my sun, and without him, I don’t know which way to turn. I’ve wilted even in the space of a single day without him nearby, and it’s frightening to acknowledge that I’m more strung out by this man than I dare admit .

Raine scrubs a hand over his jaw, then closes the fridge. Instead of pulling anything out to drink himself, he turns and leans his ass up against the counter next to the small sink.

“Your knee.” He folds his arms, glittering dark eyes boring into my soul.

He’s breathtaking, and I don’t know if this is a realization that has come about as a new piece of information, or I’ve known it all along and just shoved any of those feelings so far down I forgot they existed.

“Fucked.” My throat is tight.

Raine’s expression stays harsh, no secrets unwittingly revealed.

That strong jaw remains tense, and his gaze drops to the knee in question before dragging up my body and fuck my entire life, I feel like I come alive.

A trembling sort of terror takes hold at the prospect of having him look my way so openly.

“You can work? Ride?”

Dipping my chin, I stand there without a clue what to do with my hands. In fact, I don’t know what to do at all; maybe just melting into a puddle on these floorboards might be my best course of action.

“At the ranch, yes... but... rodeo is done for me.” It’s a struggle to get the last part out without succumbing to the thick layers of emotion that drag up the back of my throat, clinging onto those words.

The fireplace cracks and sparks as the weight of my confession lingers. I take in a deep breath through my nose, before letting it out. Fuck this. Fuck everything. I’m just so goddamn tired.

Rubbing a palm over my nape, I can’t face him anymore.

My eyes fall to the side, feeling the shame flood in for coming here.

For not being strong enough to handle this on my own when that’s what he would do.

My stepbrother deals with everything in his life alone, without needing to go running to others for help.

As I try to wrangle the way my body is reacting to being here with him, amid the uncertainty of what my future is gonna be now that I can’t do the thing I’d been so goddamn heart-set on achieving, I feel him step in front of me.

Raine fills my vision, and tilts my chin up to look at him. When I follow that feather-light touch, I’m met with his deeply furrowed brow and angular cheekbones highlighted by the fire’s glow .

“You said you didn’t want to talk about it. That no one could know.” A muscle tics in his jaw. “And yet, here you are.”

Those words have an edge to them. Something dangerous, considering the state I’m in.

“I’m sorry.” My eyes bounce between his, searching for any clue as to what he’s thinking. “I just don’t even understand what is going on for me.” It comes out as hardly a whisper.

“Why are you here , Kayce?”

I remain as quiet as a mouse, but surely he can hear my heart hammering away inside my chest now that he’s standing so close. There’s no possible way to respond to that. Or at least, not anything I should dare breathe life to.

“What I think is... there’s an answer to that question you don’t want to admit out loud.” Raine knows how to read me like a goddamn book, and I don’t understand the thrilling, weightless sensation that knowledge brings. He sees me, the worst parts of me, but it’s me all the same.

“Doesn’t it scare you?” I wet my lips, and that’s the moment we drop from altitude. It’s like my ears pop, and my stomach fills with fluttering wings.

His onyx gaze descends to the swipe of my tongue with ferocity. With desire.

“Not in the way it obviously scares you.”

“I’ve never...” God, I feel like I’m tongue-tied. “Nothing has ever been like this for me.”

Raine grunts, and one of his strong fists reaches for the front of my t-shirt.

“Are you trying to hide away, Kayce? Trying to sneak around in the dark so you don’t have to confront who you are?

” He holds me tight, but the reality is, he could pin me to the spot using nothing but a whisper.

I cannot and do not want to move away from him.

“No. No, that’s not it at all.” Shaking my head, I make no attempt to break away from his gaze. “I just don’t know why it’s you... you’re always there. Burrowed in my brain. I’m constantly searching for hints of you. It’s so fucked up because I know you can’t stand me?—”

“What?” His eyes narrow on me. That word whips between us to interrupt my blabbering .

“I know you hate me.” With a hasty swallow, I wonder if he can feel me quaking.

Does he judge me for being such a disaster?

Surely, he does. “So, I’m sorry to barge in like this.

I bet I’m the last person on earth you want to see right now.

.. I just... I didn’t know where else to go and not feel like I’m losing my mind about everything. ”

A loud pop from the fire cannons across the room, and my heart lurches. His fingers tighten in my shirt, and I watch Raine’s eyes slide over my face. I’m transfixed as he tracks down to my lips, and every part of my skin tingles when exposed to the high beam sweep of his gaze.

“I don’t hate you,” he grunts, focus locked on my mouth, and I’m unable to wrench my own attention off his.

“Could’ve fooled me.” I’m not sure what Raine’s expression is right now, but as he watches me breathe those words into the fraction of a gap between us, I feel a rumble of something inside his chest. A dark noise of warning.

A look that says he’s just as confused by this magnetic pull going on between us, yet he’s still undecided whether he wants to kill me, or kiss me.

“You frustrate me. You confuse the shit outta me. You downright piss me off.”

Raine drags me into him. So much so, it causes my back to bow. Yanking me by the front of my shirt, our bodies are flush and we’re so close the heat radiates off his massive chest in waves. Tension pulsates and writhes between us as I have to grip hold of his forearms just to steady myself.

“But I could never...” He lets his lips hover over mine, and I’m trembling beneath his hold. Every part of me screams to know another of his kisses. To have him give me another hit of the wicked rasp and scrape and taste of him.

The sexiest, rumbly noise bursts forth as he dusts those lips that I so desperately ache for over mine. Relief and a pure lust-fueled appetite coil through me as Raine speaks against my mouth, and I damn near feel like I’m about to fly off into the night sky.

“I could never hate you, snowflake.”