Page 66 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

S lamming the truck door behind me, it closes with such ferocity there’s every chance the damn thing might buckle inside the metal frame.

I know he’ll be with the horses.

My strides are long and determined as I round the hood and step into the barn. Large iron letters spelling DPR set against cedar planks loom overhead.

Sure enough, Kayce comes into my line of sight immediately, barely two paces inside the entrance. He’s carrying a shovel, wearing his usual faded hoodie with the hole in the bottom hem, cap pulled down over his blond hair, boots looking as if they’re going to fall apart any day now.

“No one else is ever going to treat you the way I do, and you know it.” I bark at him as my steps chew up the short distance between us.

Kayce’s big blues grow wide as his head whips around to see me advancing on him.

“W—what?” he stammers. Eyes bouncing all over me, taking in the sight of my clenched jaw and shoulders stiff with tension.

The whole way here, I was trying to figure out what the hell to say to him.

How to handle such a violent tempest of emotion, the likes of which I’ve never experienced before.

I’m crawling out of my skin, angry at him, our circumstances, our pasts that have broken him so badly that he can’t see a good thing when it’s shoved right under his nose.

“Fuck you, Kayce.” I stop short of reaching out for him.

I can’t bring myself to touch him, even though that’s all I really want to do right now.

But there’s not enough time for that. I’ve barely got enough time to make a detour all the way up this godforsaken mountain.

“What are you playing at? You don’t talk to me for nearly a week?

Wanna be with someone else, or what?” Folding my arms across my chest, I feel my nostrils flare as I give him both barrels.

“Of course not.” Those words are quiet, hushed. Anguish colors the flecks of turquoise in his eyes. The line of his throat dips, his Adam’s apple working as he wets his lips. “I don’t want anyone else.”

My chest rises and falls as I barely stop myself from grabbing him by the shoulders in an effort to rattle some sense into him. I shake my head, throat tightening. “Well, you don’t have to worry about whether we’re together or not. No more stressing about where I fit in your life.”

“Raine . . . I’m . . . I don’t want to lose you.” He goes a little pale.

My eyes narrow. “I’m gonna make this real fucking simple for both of us then.”

“Wait.” Kayce steps a little closer. A muscle tics in his jaw. “I didn’t say I wanted to end things.”

“Didn’t you? Thought that message was pretty self-explanatory when you said you weren’t interested in coming with me.

Then kinda doubled down when you went all zero contact straight after.

” And it’s too fucking late now, anyway.

I’ve got to leave, and honestly could’ve saved myself a lot of hassle today by not coming here.

But like a goddamn magnet, I was drawn to this road, this place.

Almost as if I didn’t have a choice, my truck brought me all the way up here for one last opportunity to see him.

“No. That’s not what I?—”

The laugh that comes out of me is a thin disguise for the crack forming in my chest. A chasm splitting wider all week long.

Each passing day after he left my place and didn’t make any effort to be in contact sliced deeper.

“You didn’t mean it like that? That you couldn’t come with me?

Sure, Kayce. Except, we both know the truth.

We both know there are other people who are capable of running this ranch for the winter.

You told me yourself that Colt has offered to bring help in if needed.

So this ...” I gesture a forefinger between the two of us.

“This cutting me off nonsense has nothing to do with letting your dad down... and it has everything to do with you hiding from yourself.”

His mouth opens and closes, staring back at me with the blue of his eyes starting to shimmer like ocean pools. “I just need time.” It’s a broken admission. Hearing the agony in his voice is a fucking knife to my gut. This could’ve all been so much easier.

“Yeah, and that’s what I’m giving you. Time. Space. You’ve got as much as you damn well need.”

I lose the battle with myself. It hurts so fucking much.

Lunging for him, I roughly cup his jaw and crash our mouths together. Kayce makes a gasping sound against my lips. I’ve been desperate to taste him, to feel him, yet he’s kept himself locked away up here—punishing both of us with this stupid goddamn routine where he doesn’t believe he’s enough.

So, I kiss him, and put all of that emotion into the way our mouths move together.

Because no words will ever fucking convince him.

I could put it into poetry and song and write it in the goddamn sky, and Kayce still wouldn’t believe me.

All I’ve got left to give... all I can do is show him this.

To hand over something tangible and real.

It’s my only option before I go.

As I slip my tongue into his mouth and feel him melt into the kiss, I’m filled with so much damn regret.

Not about him, not about us, but for all the possibilities we could have had.

That morning in my kitchen, I’d foolishly thought Kayce might be excited by the prospect of starting fresh.

After everything with his mom? A new town, a new country, an opportunity to have the time and space to get to know himself away from all the pressures of other people’s opinions.

I thought he’d see that. Had imagined and damn well hoped he might understand that was what I was offering him.

Instead, here we are. Kayce, stuck with both feet glued to his present, roots he refuses to pull up and plant elsewhere, while trying to outrun his past at the same time.

When all I wanted was to give him a future to look forward to.

Pulling back to break the kiss, I squeeze my fingers against his nape. With a heavy exhale, I rest my lips against his forehead. “I’m leaving. So you don’t have to worry about figuring anything out.”

Kayce makes a choked noise. He knew. He knew I was going. It’s not exactly a surprise, but it must catch him off guard—no doubt stings like a bitch hearing me say it out loud all the same.

“I’m sorry for being broken. I’m sorry for breaking us.” He eventually whispers.

“Snowflake, you didn’t break us.” Drawing away, I keep hold of him, and let our gazes lock.

“There’s nothing wrong with having cracks and broken pieces.

But you gotta work on healing the scars still in here.

..” With one finger, I tap his temple. “And here...” I shift that same hand down to place my palm over his heart.

“The parts of you that won’t let you move on. ”

“But I’m ready to move on.” His eyes squeeze shut.

“Are you? If I asked you to go in that house and pack your bag right now, could you do that for me?”

Kayce swallows hard, before opening his eyes, and the vibrant gaze I’m so used to seeing is dulled by that weight of inner torment.

“No, I didn’t think so. That’s your answer right there.”

There’s a war clearly raging inside him as he tries to form words. “I hate myself right now. How can you even stand to look at me?”

A ragged noise escapes my throat, and I press our mouths together again.

Taking his soft lips, I hope like hell this will imprint both my loyalty, and the connection we share, upon him.

To be strong enough to withstand following paths that will take us on separate journeys for now.

“You’re right here in my goddamn heart, baby.

” I give in, dragging him against me so that I can tuck his head into the crook of my neck and brush my mouth against his ear.

“This is where you are. No matter whether you piss me off, or leave me ready to toss you over my shoulder, or be so goddamn in love with you I don’t know how to breathe.

That’s who you are. You’re better than this, and I believe that you’ll figure out you’re worthy of being loved by someone one day.

Trust that I’m gonna be out there hoping like hell you might want that guy to be me. ”

Kayce makes a strained noise and wrestles out of my grasp in order to be able to look at me. “You can’t possibly be in love with me.” He shakes his head, renewed pain slashes across his handsome features, everything drawing tight in his expression.

“You’re telling me I don’t know my own mind?”

“No... I’m just saying it’s not possible that it’s me. You’re meant to love someone else.”

This fucking cowboy. Determined to fight me to the bitter end.

“Am I? Who am I supposed to be in love with then, huh?” I narrow my gaze, and my voice dips into a low warning. Like fuck I’m gonna fall for anyone else in this life.

Once again, my golden boy, with all the charm in the world, is speechless.

This time it’s the last. This time, when I kiss him, it’s the final one. It’s all too brief, and I wish everything could play out with a different melody. I swallow back the pained groan that threatens to rise up when I gently brush a goodbye over his wet lips.

When I step back, it feels like a clamp seizes my heart, putting so much pressure there my chest is going to damn well explode.

“It’s you. I don’t know if you’ll ever trust that.

But I guess I understand a little too easily why you wouldn’t.

Those walls are hard to let down, which is why I also know how hard it is to hear me.

.. to believe me, when I say that I love you. ”

With my confession hanging in the crisp fall air, I turn on my heel. That’s all it’ll be. It’s all it can be for us until Kayce figures out how he intends to move forward.

As I open the door, I pause and level him with a look across the truck roof. “Maybe one day you’ll let me love you the way you deserve.”

Getting back into my truck, I start the engine and watch him through the rearview as I pull away.

I wish he didn’t let me leave.