Page 37 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

M y eyes blink open, attempting to focus. Trying to reach for the thread tethering me to this new plane of existence I now call home.

A world where I can apparently spill cum everywhere just from having a thick finger wedged inside my ass for all of a few minutes.

One graze over that spot inside that I’ve never been able to reach myself, and my body lit up like the Fourth of July.

Digging the heels of my palms into my eye sockets, I groan out loud. My voice echoes around this empty bed, this empty room.

I’m so undeniably screwed.

Raine is gone. He had to leave. His job isn’t here and he certainly wasn’t going to stick around after the enormity of what transpired yesterday.

Well, shit. If there was any question mark still lingering over my sexual wants or preferences, I think I’ve formally stepped into my identity as a gay man. I might still appreciate women, but my dick has never once responded that way when presented with pussy.

And if I even try to think about sex—the kind that involves a warm, silky wet cunt—it’s like my body knows. It knows for absolute certainty now that I’m not pursuing that direction anymore.

I’m wholly consumed by thoughts of Raine, and how it felt to be stroked by him, to have his rough, calloused palm tugging on me until my eyes rolled back in my head, and then to fall apart thanks to one wickedly skilled finger.

I’m not even interested in what it might be like to hook up with another guy.

This isn’t a case of being awakened to cock and now wanting to go fool around elsewhere.

No... I can’t help but remember Brad’s words that day about feeling close to someone, trusting them, and all that other crap he was saying.

Needing a deeper connection.

I’ve unfortunately slipped under some sort of Raine-spell and I’m not sure I have any intention of seeking out an antidote.

I puff out a heavy breath and slither toward the edge of my bed, hauling my sorry self into motion because, as of today, I’m back to work . Returning to business as usual on this ranch and doing my best to keep everything operating smoothly.

My dad checks in regularly. I’ve given him the bare minimum of details.

Enough to not freak him out and have him turning up here to roll up his sleeves, and yet, as much as I’ve been in touch with him, I have neatly side-stepped the whole issue of my rodeo future.

Much like I’ve done with Chaos and Brad, in our brief exchanges also.

Raine might as well still be here with me; the gorgeous asshole occupies just about every single brain cell as I set about my day.

I remember exactly how hard he studied me through my comedown from such an explosive release.

As he slipped his hand out from my ass, I wasn’t sure if that meant he’d turn his attention to his own needs.

Would he then take his cock in hand? Lying there with shaking limbs and a thundering pulse, I felt a dashing, enthralling sense of hopefulness. .. was there going to be more ?

Of course, it wasn’t to be. Instead, he shifted into a different energy.

He helped me get cleaned up, in a sort of stupefied silence. My stepbrother towered over me as I awkwardly wiped cum off my skin with clumsy hands and noticed the damning streaks painting my hoodie. Then, I had to tuck myself away while he hovered and cleared his throat .

“ Thanks for...” I stumble over what to say. Unable to look him in the eye.

“Yeah.” From the periphery of my vision, I see his chin dip. He gives me a brief nod.

Then it was all over . Taillights disappeared beyond the threshold of the ranch. The hum of his truck’s engine faded away into the thick cover of pine trees. Leaving me standing in the downpour, with veins damn near vibrating, blood racing, and a churned-up sea frothing inside my chest.

It wasn’t like there was anything to be said. What happened should never have happened. I’d already pushed him away the night before, with all my stupid whining about no one knowing and never talking about it.

So, of course, what else was there to expect than for my stepbrother to leave, just as he had planned to do before I went and chased him down.

It’s for the best, a good idea, all things considered. This way, I can focus on what I gotta do around here. I’ll keep getting the ranch prepared for winter, and stay on track to figure out what the future is gonna hold where my knee is concerned.

So now it feels like all that is left for me to do is wander around this property, going through the motions, once again hanging in motherfucking no man’s land until someone with a fancy stack of degrees and a clipboard declares the fate of my days on horseback.

It’s a good thing Raine has gone. He doesn’t need to put up with any more of my shit, and other than depositing the final payment for his time working here, that could be our last goddamn interaction, for all I know.

His finger stuffed inside my ass, milking my cock... hands-free.

What a fucking trip.

I mean, theoretically, I knew that was a thing. But did I ever think I’d be the guy shaking with ecstasy while blowing my load all over myself—not a single stroke, or grip wrapped around my length, required? That’s a true holy fuck, I don’t even know what just happened moment right there.

It leaves me squirming at just the thought of how I must have looked, because I know for sure my eyes rolled in the back of my head, and I have no goddamn clue what came out of my mouth as it all unfolded.

There’s every chance I gasped and cursed things I did not need my stepbrother hearing, and I can only hope to all hell the constant drumming of rain on the roof of his truck drowned the fuck out of my pathetic mewling.

Apparently, I’m in a whole lot of trouble where my stepbrother is concerned. He already had the upper hand on me—physically and mentally, he’s always been further up the scoreboard—and now I’ve handed him the goddamn keys to the castle, haven’t I?

Telling him shit like I always wanted him to have it all. Christ .

As I get in my truck and start the motor, it gives a brief protest at being left unused for weeks before coughing to life.

At least for the moment, the path down to the cattle is passable by vehicle.

Once the snow hits, we do most of the work we gotta do on horseback, but for now, I can bump my way over the rutted dirt track.

As I ease down on the gas pedal, taking it slow and steady, my knee gives a twinge.

It’s just enough to remind me that I haven’t done this sort of movement—haven’t used this combination of tendons and muscles and ligaments since the accident.

However, my shoulders drop with a grateful sigh when I realize it’s only a brief taste of sensation.

Like a waft of a candle flame, it licks over my knee and then vanishes.

This, at least, I can do.

With one hand on the wheel, I readjust the brim of my cap.

Feeling the material beneath my fingers only reminds me of how Raine looked wearing his.

Of course, it would be all of a few seconds before I found some other excuse to drift back to thoughts of him.

Obsessed much? The peak of my cap reminds me of what it was like to get up close to his own flipped backward.

How it grazed the damp skin on my forehead when he pushed me against the railing.

And then everything that followed.

He kissed me.

Even though it should be a line marked in bright red, guarded by hazard tape, and banned from ever being crossed... the truth is, I don’t hate the feel of his lips on mine.

In fact, I enjoyed it. I liked the way Raine confidently took my mouth, as if he knew that kiss was rightfully his, and didn’t even hesitate.

There was only the heat and scent of him, overwhelming me in the best possible way.

His hold on my body was so goddamn fierce, I still feel the outline of his strong fingers circling the front of my neck.

Right on cue, I swallow, and the ghost of his touch is as much of an imprint on the slope of my throat as that part of my psyche.

Along with the scrape of his stubble against my lips.

God, I’ve spent years exchanging kisses with women—only ever experiencing the sensation of softness, smooth skin, and sweet little feminine licks and whimpers.

Now, I can say with full certainty, I’ve never been kissed like it felt to have Raine’s mouth owning mine.

Like I could melt into him, and he’d safeguard me, keeping me upright through every second our mouths collided.

To have him rough and commanding, taking charge of the moment, was enough to steal my every shred of sanity.

Why did it feel so right with him? Why does it have to be him?

The whirlwind inside me is at peak levels of destruction, spinning and thundering a path through everything I used to know.

Laying waste to an old version of me who has been completely decimated, overpowered; now nothing more than rubble and dust and scraps of a man.

He branded my mouth and my body in a way that I didn’t know to ask for... didn’t even know I wanted. And now I’m alone here, surrounded by the wide-open skies, pine trees, and endless emptiness of the ranch.

So it’s definitely, absolutely a good thing that he left.

What was I gonna do? Ask him to stay? I’m not an idiot; that’s a laughable idea. This kind of thing we’ve just stumbled into isn’t some kind of budding romance to get excited about. Not some sweetly hopeful chemistry between two people who start dreaming of a future together.

It’s the kind of thunderclap that leaves you shell-shocked, with ringing in your ears, and your life dramatically and irrevocably altered.

Life has to go back to normal... or at least, something approaching what the new normal looks like for Kayce Wilder from here on out.