Page 62 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

T his has gotta be the strangest place to realize you’ve fallen for someone.

Standing in the middle of the grocery aisle, contemplating which cereal to buy, and the only thought in my head is that I know Kayce prefers to eat the pink charms first. He doesn’t eat it for breakfast, either. It’s some sort of weird evening snack he has.

Which then leads me to running through events of the recent nights we’ve spent watching his top ten movies because, apparently, me not having at least one favorite is a disaster for humanity .

Truthfully? I don’t give a shit what plays on the screen. It’s the fact he enjoys it and can quote me all these stupid facts about the making of it or other interconnecting events in full flight. That’s the part I secretly enjoy.

It’s him.

So, as I knit my brows together and toss his favorite cereal into the cart, I consider what that means for the two of us.

It’s odd to be without him, after spending so much time together in the past couple of days, and knowing that I’ve got to go back to work tomorrow feels like a kick in the balls.

Each time we have to go our separate ways stings worse and worse. Normally, it wouldn’t be anything to worry about. Two people getting to know each other and alternating spending nights at each other’s places. All a very mundane and standard dating concept.

But when it comes to our situation? If there isn’t a sudden shift in the weather bringing a storm through Crimson Ridge, which might cut him off for weeks on end.

.. then there’s the fact I’m circling closer to a decision about where I go next.

My time at Sunset Skies Ranch is almost up, and while I don’t doubt that Beau might be kind enough to give me an extension on my contract, I know there are other ranches who want me back again.

And then there’s the inherent worry; if I stay here, eventually, he’ll follow.

Foul bastard that he is. My father won’t stay, he never does, but he likes to turn up wherever he’s not wanted just to stir shit and cause hell—he gets a kick out of fucking up my life a little bit more.

Always in small ways, since he knows he can’t physically hurt me anymore.

When he first started doing it, things were hardly noticeable. The properties I worked on might have equipment stolen or vandalism occur. It was once he got bolder that was when I fully understood what was happening.

It all came to a head when I found out he’d been harassing the teenage daughter of one rancher I’d been working for. Cornering her in town. Being a leering drunk. Following her from a distance. Nothing that would get him arrested, but it was enough to leave her shaken up.

I resigned that night and left the state. Sure enough, a few months later, he tracked me down again. At first, I couldn’t figure out how he knew where I was. I’ve never really used social media; my phone is always for work, but then it clicked. Rodeo .

As long as I was still competing, he had easy access to a way to keep tabs on me.

So, I quit that, too.

He’s been a shadow lurking in the corners of my life for so long; it’s become deep-seated in me now.

An inbuilt response to keep endlessly moving.

If I stay anywhere too long, it becomes more and more likely something will let slip, and he’ll figure it out.

The guy comes back on shore from the rigs and has nothing but time and money on his hands.

A pathetic excuse for a man with a stained fucking soul.

Part of me is worried he’ll catch wind that I’m back on this side of the border. A bigger part of me is fearful that if Kayce is part of my life, that leaves him the easy target.

I blow out a long breath. This is the internal battle I’ve been waging since Halloween. In the past, I refused to contemplate letting someone in. Not one single time did I feel compelled to allow a person into my life long enough to be considered a relationship.

With Kayce? Now things between us have evolved? I can’t imagine doing any fucking thing without him.

As I’m standing in the parking lot, loading groceries into my truck, our conversation from breakfast this morning rolls back through my mind.

After noticing his expression while we were in that floaty, blissed-out place, still coming back into our bodies, I saw it in the blue of his eyes.

There was a moment when he disappeared on me, and I hate that the first thought I had was that maybe he didn’t want this, or us, anymore.

That’s why I had to tell him. I had to blurt it all out right there, in the middle of frying up breakfast, so he could keep hold of that certainty.

“I’m sorry for always being so hard on you back then,” I grunt, pushing the sizzling bacon around the pan.

As I say the words, there’s no hiding the fact that Kayce’s eyebrows just jumped into his hairline.

“I just wanted you to be as strong as you could be, you know. I wanted you to be tough enough to survive without me there. I needed you to be able to survive.”

Kayce’s arms wrap me from behind, and he rests his cheek against my spine.

On reflex, I snatch up his hands and hold them tight beneath my own, pressed to the center of my chest.

“After you left . . .”

“It was shit. I know.”

His nod is subtle, the faintest of scratches against my shirt.

“She stayed in that house when we both should have left. I got out at the first opportunity, too... but she wasn’t strong enough to leave him, or the pills.” His words vibrate against my spine. “Maybe that’s why I keep helping her, even now, when I know I shouldn’t. The guilt gets to me.”

I take the pan off the heat and turn around, cupping his face in my palms .

“You did everything you could. Her shit isn’t yours to carry.”

“But I ended up with too much of her in me. Too many of her weaknesses.” He winces.

With a long exhale, I wrap him in a firm embrace, pulling him flush against my chest. I know he’s struggled with his own path, fumbling through making shitty choices that an outsider might be quick to judge him for. But I get it. I understand. Hell, none of us are perfect.

“I wish I’d been here sooner,” I confess, speaking into his damp hair, inhaling the scents of soap and shampoo.

“You wouldn’t have liked who I was.” Kayce’s fingers flex against my ribs. “I’m glad you got to know me now.”

I feel him toying with the fabric of my shirt and give him a moment to collect those words he obviously wants to say.

“I prefer this version of me. He’s the guy I want you to know.”

My heart feels ready to burst. It aches for how little he thinks of himself, and at the same time is so proud of him for everything he’s achieved against all odds.

“I’m here for each version of you, snowflake,” I confess into his hair before clearing my throat.

“C’mon, you need to eat before all of this gets cold.

” Running my palms over his back, I squeeze him a little harder before releasing him, reluctantly.

We start throwing food onto plates, and Kayce fusses with the coffee maker.

When he slides onto the stool opposite mine, his blue eyes narrow and pause on me for a moment as he slowly reaches forward and hands over a mug.

“What?” I stop with a fork full, hovering just in front of my mouth.

“You... you don’t drink when you’re around me. But you do around others.” He chews on the inside of his cheek.

“So?”

“Why would you do that?”

Setting my fork down, I tilt my head. “Kayce, your mom struggles with addiction. I know I might seem like a heartless asshole, but I’d be a real selfish prick not to respect your needs.”

He’s got a strip of bacon pinched between two fingers, forgoing silverware completely like a heathen, and stalls with it midway to his mouth. Gaping back at me with something flickering across his eyes .

I pick my fork back up and keep my attention on him as I chew slowly.

Kayce sets the bacon back down and wipes his hands on a towel, swallowing hard.

“Well... uhhh... you don’t have to stop, you know.

Not because of me or anything. I’m used to being around the others when they’re having a few cold ones.

” As he says the words, he starts squirming.

My golden boy who has no idea the lengths I’d go to if it meant keeping him protected.

And now, in this new connection between us, to support him in being happy.

Pushing off my stool, I’ve already finished my last mouthful as I cross the kitchen island. Walking around, I step into him.

With one hand, I brush a few strands of hair off his forehead. “If you think I would choose a drink over you, snowflake. Then you’re sorely mistaken.”

Those pink spots on his cheeks deepen, as he stares back at me. Then, a faint little smirk plays on his lips as he watches me get ready to go into town and do a pick-up run for supplies that both he and the ranch will need.

“Never not obsessed with me, huh?”

I can’t help the way a smile makes an appearance when I recall that mischief in his voice. The sight of him sipping his coffee and the glint of turquoise flickering back into his eyes, with those blond strands of his all ruffled after showering together.

He’s managed to retain a brightness to him that many people growing up in his circumstances would have lost—myself included.

I mean, I don’t know if I ever had the humor and the personable nature he so effortlessly possesses.

I’ve never known a time when I wasn’t the quiet one .

It just got bashed into me over and over that I needed to stay that way.

So I guess, I never got the opportunity to find out whether I liked to crack a joke, or laugh from somewhere deep in my belly.

Being with Kayce? He shows me a different way of being.

Something brighter.

I’ve loaded everything and slide my ass behind the wheel when my phone starts buzzing. To be honest, being up at Devil’s Peak with no cell service has been a dream for someone like me.

What I’m expecting to see is Tessa or Beau’s contact. I’m anticipating them getting in touch about something urgently needed at work, or to confirm what time I’ll be back tomorrow. However, when I glance at the screen, there’s no name. Unknown Number.

I decline the call straight away. While the chance is only slim to none, there’s every possibility it could be my father, and I’m not ever gonna take that risk.

While I’ve got my phone in hand, I quickly check to see if Kayce has messaged me, but there’s nothing new there.

He’ll be out with the horses, and hopefully will have gone for a ride like I encouraged him to today.

No doubt in my mind, I’d prefer to be there with him like yesterday, but knowing he can do it on his own will settle that inherent tinge of worry.

Especially since I won’t be there.

I fucking hate thinking about it. Not just that I won’t be at the ranch with him, but any thoughts of the future and how this is going to work between us. All that mind-chatter blasts me the second I give it a chance to rise to the surface.

As much as the sense of relief washes over me when I start the truck and begin making my way back to the Peak, I still don’t know how this is all going to work out.

With Kayce unsure how to tell anyone, and in the longer term, there’s only a matter of time before Colt and Layla come back.

It’s not like I can stay here indefinitely, and if he’s not willing to open up to others about us .

.. then that leaves everything up in the air.

We can’t stay secluded away on top of this mountain wrapped up in each other in secret.

How is life gonna look?

And more importantly, how will this delicate thing we have together learn to survive when it’s no longer hidden in the shadows?

Will it flourish, or wilt?