Page 54 of Saving the Rain (Crimson Ridge #4)

M y sweet boy is a pliant little thing as I draw back. Starry-eyed and looking the picture of rumpled, satiated bliss.

Wearing my hat, no less.

Exactly how it should be if I’m about to walk away from whatever is going on between us.

We’re not together, which means that leaving should be easy, in theory. Ironically, it feels the absolute opposite of that. Fooling around out here in the barn, making him lose his goddamn mind, yeah, that’s me being selfish.

I want to drive through that gate with the taste of him on my tongue, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Kayce won’t be thinking of anything else except what it felt like to feed me his climax.

The worst part of me wants to imprint myself on him.

A notion that makes absolutely no goddamn sense considering who we are to one another.

Yet, I can’t deny that I’m feeling all sorts of weirdly possessive where my stepbrother is concerned.

As if Kayce is gonna walk straight out of here and find some other cowboy to mess around with.

The kind of thinking that immediately grates on my nerves, because he can do as he pleases, and owes me nothing.

Except, every fiber of my being hates the idea of him giving those eyes, that mouth, to anyone else .

While at this particular moment in time, things between the two of us worked out, after I leave it’s all gonna change. I know that our lives are largely going to return to how they were before. Especially once I leave Crimson Ridge.

“ Umm... ” Kayce blinks slowly at me, looking like he’s only just found his way back to his body.

“Cowboys don’t blush, huh?” My lips twitch as I take in the sight of the bright red spots on his cheeks.

His blue eyes are damn near shimmering in the light filtering into the barn, and he bites down on that bottom lip.

Plucking my hat back off his head, I set it on my own and catch that faintest hint of his scent that comes with it.

As he tucks himself away, I walk over to where I’d tossed his cap aside, allowing myself a wry hidden smile since he can’t see my face.

Handing it back to him, I manage to suppress that curl wanting to cling to my lips, but kinda enjoy how floaty and light I feel on the inside right now.

Even if I’m goddamn hard as stone after how hot that was.

“You don’t need...” His words drift off with a lingering question as he looks at the outline of my dick straining behind my fly.

At the feel of his eyes on me, my length kicks, but I ignore it.

“As tempting as that prospect is... I’m ok.

” Shaking my head, I readjust my hat. I don’t need him to reciprocate anything right now.

Remembering how he came undone for me will be a particularly pleasurable memory to replay later on when I’m alone.

“But . . .” Kayce is the picture of confusion.

“Trust me. I got what I needed.”

His lips twist, still looking uncertain as all hell, but he at least gives me a little acknowledgment. “Ok.”

“There were only a few light flakes of snow when I was coming back in.” I duck a glance at the open doors down the far end of the barn before looking back his way. “The mountain crew checked in with you this morning?”

He nods at me and clears his throat, blinking away the fog. “ Uhh . Yeah. They said the snow wasn’t gonna be a problem today.”

“Alright.” Dipping my chin, I know I gotta get my ass back to work, and this is just how this has gotta be. “Remember, you need groceries. Don’t let me catch you forgetting and finding out you’re stuck up here living off nothing but fucking instant noodles for weeks.”

Something flickers across his face for a brief second, but then his lips curve into a grin, followed by a shake of his head. “Promise. I’ll make a trip to town.”

With a jerk of my chin, I let him know I’m starting to walk to my truck, not exactly sure if he’s gonna follow, but it makes something glow a little warmer in my chest when he falls in step with me.

“So... I’ll see you at the thing Hayes is putting on?

” I venture as we cross the gravel yard.

While I don’t know if he has thought about the fact we’re still going to be running in the same circles, it feels like I gotta rip the bandage off.

No sense in pretending we won’t be seeing each other in public, where I can’t exactly pin him to the wall and nibble on his ear until he starts squirming.

“The Halloween party at the Hog?” Kayce laughs, and he’s still got a dreamy kind of grin on his face when he pauses and watches me walk around the other side to the driver’s door. “Please tell me you’re gonna dress up. Do they make delicate little fairy wings and a tiara to fit someone your size?”

I let my tongue run over my lower lip and study him from across the roof of the truck. “My size, huh?”

Kayce’s blush deepens.

Waving his hand in my direction, those long lashes of his flutter and he shakes his head before tucking both hands into the front of his hoodie.

“God, you are too smug for this time of the day. I don’t even need to know what time it is to know I haven’t had nearly enough coffee to deal with you being cocky. ”

As I open the door, I watch him dig the toe of his boot into the gravel, then dart a hasty look up to meet my eyes.

“Thank you for coming up here.” His shoulders slump a little, and I know he’s dropping back into that uncomfortable place—the one where talking about events and the Hog means that we’ve suddenly collided with the reality of the outside world. “Even though I know...”

It sure as shit looks like he’s backpedaling now on all those sentiments about enjoying how good it feels to be together .

“We don’t have to call this anything, Kayce,” I say. Keeping my focus narrowed on him.

Kayce gnaws on his bottom lip. “I think the only thing we can call this is complicated .”

“You sure got that right.”

“Raine—when we’re down at the Hog?—”

My brows knit together. Yep, there it is.

Kayce once again realizing he’s in limbo where opening up about his sexuality is concerned.

There’s nothing I can do; it’s gotta be his journey.

“Don’t worry. It’s fine. I’ll keep my distance.

You don’t have to stress out about any of your precious rodeo friends finding out anything.

” Yeah, that probably comes out with more snarl to it than I intended, but I never promised I was good at talking .

“Wait... you’re upset with me.” Big blue orbs stare my way.

A heavy sigh leaves my chest. I should have known that he’d freak out before I’d even left the ranch. “I’m really not. But I have to go. And I don’t need to be caught in the middle of some dick-induced crisis you’ve got going on.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what, Kayce?”

His Adam’s apple dips. “I just... I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone about anything . I haven’t even properly told Chaos, or Brad, or even my dad about my knee. What am I gonna do, drop a bombshell that I’m finished with competitive rodeo, and then tack on the end that I’m gay?”

“Well, I’ll make it real easy for you,” I grumble.

“Raine... please, it’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything.”

“Sure seems like you might be.” I raise an eyebrow at him.

Kayce is already on the move, crossing to my side of the truck.

“Look... can you just put yourself in my shoes for a moment? I’m trying to get my head around a lot of really big fucking changes right now.

” There’s the faintest hint of a tremor in his voice, and I hate that for him.

I hate how similar we are in that regard.

We’ve both been fucked up from day one when it comes to learning how to trust others.

Tilting my head to one side, I reach out and cup his jaw. Lifting his focus to meet my own, I give a little shake of my head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He goes completely still. Lips parted.

“Don’t act like that’s the weirdest thing to ever come out of my mouth.” It’s a rough grunt I offer, doing my best.

“You just apologized. Just like that.”

“Yeah, and?”

“You never...” From how shell-shocked he looks, it certainly puts into perspective how long we’ve been out of each other’s lives.

He doesn’t know the version of me who has had a chance to do a little bit of healing.

There are still a lot of scars there. I’m still the world’s worst person at knowing how to put crap into words.

.. but I’m better now than I used to be.

“When we were younger?” Lifting one shoulder with a shrug, my chin dips in acknowledgment. “No. I certainly wasn’t good at anything except being an angry asshole. I’m still not good at shit like this, either,” I add.

Kayce works down a swallow. “Ok, but I just need you to know, I’m not ashamed. Especially not when it comes to you, or what we’re doing.”

While he might be saying those words, with all that golden boy sincerity, I saw the way his eyes flickered along the length of the aisle when I was undoing his jeans.

I saw the fear lingering there. Still nervous that someone might see, even though we’re on the very top of a mountain, and miles from any other people.

It doesn’t piss me off, but I’m still not sure if Kayce is ready to actually embrace himself.

If he’s worried about someone catching us together all the way out here in the wilderness, he’s gonna be crawling out of his skin, even being in the same room as me at The Loaded Hog for a fucking Halloween party.

Maybe that’s what drives me to push him just a little harder.

One last reminder of the fact he asked me to come up here.

A not-so-subtle nudge to point out that he was the one who turned up on my doorstep in the dark that night.

“Oh, so you’re not ashamed, huh?” I pinch his chin harder.

“Not even when you’re pleading with me to pump you full of cum?

Not embarrassed by all the slutty, needy little noises you make for me? ”

That gives me the prettiest version of Kayce. The one where he flushes all over when I give him a whole extra dose of sternness in my voice.

“N—No.” His stammering protest is met by a smirk that, yeah, is definitely smug, knowing how easily I can affect him.

And that’s what I’m gonna have to hold onto. Because the next time we see each other, there’s every chance that he’ll pretend I don’t even exist.

Angling my head, I brush our lips together. It’s a soft press against his mouth, a hint of wetness coating his lips, a last taste of his sweetness before I let him go. Before I slide into my truck and start the engine.

“Bye, snowflake.”