Page 51 of Salute, To Bravery

Jane

C raig is living up to his promises, booking a full day at the spa for Rei and me. It feels like we’re drifting apart, but I have been struggling to give him space and time.I know he’s trying, but this is the least we’ve spoken in nearly a decade.

I step outside, waiting for Rei to pick me up.

Not sure what to wear, I settle on jeans, a sweatshirt, and tennis shoes.

Rei parks her compact blue car outside the circle driveway of the Fisher house and steps out to greet me.

She’s always been practical, choosing a small vehicle for navigating the busy D.C. streets.

“Ready to go?” she asks with a knowing smile.

“Am I ever,” I reply, already feeling the anticipation building in my chest. “But can we make a quick stop for coffee? I need a strong jolt to get me going; cucumber water just won’t cut it.”

I climb into the passenger seat and buckle up as she starts the engine. Before pulling away, she turns to me with concern in her eyes and asks, “Long night?”

“Craig has been having nightmares. He didn’t mean to, but he choked me when I tried to wake him. I think he just keeps reliving what happened. If only I knew more, maybe I could help him.” I decide to be honest with Rei, knowing that I can trust her.

She pulls out of the hospital complex and starts driving down the busy streets.

The car is silent except for the soft rock music playing in the background. Her knuckles are tight on the steering wheel. The silence between us is thick with unspoken words and emotions, accentuated by the low hum of the engine.

“Jane, I was there. And before you say anything, know that there are things I can’t say. But ultimately, I am the one responsible for him ending up there in the first place. All because of… well, the specifics don’t matter. I have my fair share of the blame in this.”

Her expression gives away her remorse and anguish—and the pain she must be feeling, which explains her recent distance. She expertly manoeuvres through traffic before pulling up to the coffee shop and parking.

“I know you think—” I start.

“No, don’t try to make me feel better about this. My actions are why Craig has his injury. I’ve all but ruined his life.” Tears are streaming down her face, and I can feel my own beginning to fall.

We must look ridiculous, two grown women crying in the car parked along the street.

“No matter what, he would never blame you. I know without a doubt that he would have willingly sacrificed his own life for yours.” I know it won’t ease the pain, but Craig’s love for his family is unwavering; he would do anything for them.

This even means distancing himself from me in order to keep me safe.

The truth dawns on me in that moment, and the tears stream down my face even more heavily. He was trying to protect me. Stupid asshole.

She goes to open the car door but continues to stare out the window instead of getting out.

“He would have, but Brandon ended up doing it instead.” Her crass statement takes me by surprise. This is the first time I’ve heard any details about Brandon’s death.

My heart aches for her, knowing the immense pain and loss she must be experiencing. She had always been close to him, and there were murmurs and speculations about a deeper connection between them. I haven’t talked to her much since Craig got injured. Suddenly feeling like the world’s worst sister.

With a quivering voice, she reveals the devastating truth.

“He held me tightly in his arms as he took his final breath. The stupid fucker told me he loved me, that he wished things were different.” She takes a shaky breath before continuing, “Then he left. I had to be pulled out of the helicopter screaming because I couldn’t bear to let him go.

That’s why Carver had a black eye when we stopped by after Craig’s last surgery. ”

Despite her attempts to make light of the situation, the pain in her voice is impossible to ignore. It’s like a raw wound that may never fully heal.

Would I have been any different if it was Craig?

I was speechless, unable to comprehend the depth of her words.

“I didn’t know,” I manage to say. My own tears fall as I lean over to embrace her in support, my arms squeezing tight around her as she leans into me.

We take a few moments to compose ourselves before exiting the car and entering the coffee shop.

As we walk in, we pay no mind to the curious looks from behind the counter.

“Two doppio espressos, please,” I choke out, my voice breaking. My sister sniffles beside me, her eyes watery and red.

“And two brownies,” she adds with a sad smile.

◆◆◆

We arrive at the spa, and I can’t help but take a deep breath, letting the calm atmosphere wash over me. The air smells faintly of lavender and eucalyptus, and the gentle sound of water trickling from a fountain near the entrance makes everything feel… slower, softer.

“Wow,” I murmur, taking in the lush surroundings. “This place is like… a sanctuary.”

Rei glances around with a smirk. “Yeah, it’s like they went overboard with the whole ‘peaceful retreat’ vibe. I’m half-expecting a monk to hand us cucumber water and tell us to ‘find our inner peace.’”

I laugh, nodding in agreement. “Honestly, at this point, I could use a little peace. Or maybe just a nap. Spa day or not, I’m exhausted.”

We step up to the reception desk, where the staff greets us with warm smiles, hands us fluffy robes and slippers, and shows us into our private relaxation room.

As we change into our robes, I catch Rei’s eyes and, for the first time all day, I let out a quiet sigh.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Rei. Craig’s trying to be better, but he’s just…

avoiding me. All he does is work out, go to therapy, and talk to everyone except me.

I don’t know how to get through to him.”

Rei listens silently as we walk back into the spa’s main area.

After a beat, she turns to me, her expression softening.

“I get it. And I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, Jane.

But Craig’s got a lot on his plate, you know?

He’s drowning in guilt. And I get why he’s shutting people out…

including you. But that’s just him trying to protect you, even if it’s the wrong way. ”

I let her words sink in as we sit in a lounge area, sipping our water and starting to relax.

Rei leans back in her chair, eyes thoughtful.

“Look, he’s never been good at sharing the hard stuff, has he?

Even when we were younger, he bottled everything up.

And I think… I think he just doesn’t want you to see him like this. ”

I nod slowly. “I know. But I’m his wife, Rei. I want to be there for him, for everything. But lately…”

Rei sighs, her fingers tapping lightly against the table. “I hear you. I really do. But, I think he’s scared. Scared that if he lets you in, you’ll see how broken he really is.”

I meet her gaze. “And what about me? I’m scared too, Rei. I’m scared of losing him.”

Her eyes soften. “I know you are. But you’ve got to remember—he loves you more than anything. He just… doesn’t know how to show it right now.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I say, my voice trembling a little. “Honestly, I feel like I’m on the edge, and you’re the only one who sees it.”

Rei reaches over and squeezes my hand. “You’ve got this. We’ve got this. And you’ve got me, even when Craig’s not sure how to reach out.”

I smile weakly, but it’s genuine. “I don’t even know what the future looks like anymore. It’s like everything’s… up in the air.”

“Take it one step at a time,” she suggests with a reassuring nod. “Look at us right now. We’re here. We’re doing something for ourselves. Maybe that’s the first step.”

I nod, the weight of it all still there but somehow a little lighter. “I just wish Craig could see that I’m here for him. I’m here for everything, even the hard parts. He doesn’t have to do this alone.”

“I know. He’ll get there,” she says quietly. “Just… let him come to you when he’s ready. Don’t force him to open up. You know how stubborn he is.”

I can’t help but laugh softly at the truth in her words. “Oh, I know. I married him.”

Rei grins and leans back in her chair. “Well, if we’re being honest, it’s kind of your fault for picking the brooding, emotionally unavailable type.”

I roll my eyes, chuckling despite myself. “Shut up.”

“Hey, I’m just saying. I can’t believe you didn’t see it sooner,” Rei teases, clearly lightening the mood. “But now you’re stuck with him.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I reply with a grin. “Even if he is a pain in the ass.”

Rei chuckles. “You’ve always had a soft spot for those, haven’t you?”

I smile, feeling a little lighter now. “I guess so.”

With that, the conversation shifts, and for the first time in a while, I feel like I’m not so alone in this. We’re two women trying to navigate the messiness of love, loss, and everything in between. And right now, I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side.