Page 28

Chapter 28

April

Huddling in the bathroom stall, I cling to the dead phone with both hands as terrified tears stream down my face.

I don’t want to leave.

They are out there.

Ford’s stupid cell and its shallow battery died at the worst possible time.

Not that he can do anything.

I just wish I could hear his voice, it calms me.

And I need that. I can barely breathe.

Cold sweat drenches my back and I squeeze my knees to my chest atop the cold porcelain toilet.

Do I fight them?

How do I get away?

I might just stay in here until closing.

“April? Are you in here?” Lori’s gentle question rattles me.

No. She’s not safe either!

“Lori, you can’t go back out there!” I cry from inside of the stall.

I don’t want to open the door.

“April? Are you okay?” Her shoes appear beneath the edge. “Are you sick? Do you need some help?”

My lungs spasm trying to expand, but I still feel like I’m being strangled.

“They’re here,” I stammer. I don’t want to even picture them.

The memories pound within my mind, pushing to the front every time I close my eyes.

“Who?” Her words are gentle, but I can hear the tint of confusion.

“ Them . The ones who, they um, just them.”

Please understand.

“Oh.” Her gasp is audible. “Can I bring Mason in? He’s just outside in the hall. Would that help?”

I nod.

Fuck, she can’t see me.

“Yea,” I squeak, focusing only on her sneakers disappearing.

I can’t quite make out the hushed exchange, but heavier steps grow closer.

“April? It’s me. There’s no one else in here but us.” Mason’s calm, deep tone only helps a tiny bit.

Ford told me I can trust him.

I can just reach the latch to let the wooden panel swing open.

“They came in. I don’t know if they saw me.” Fresh tears stream down, dripping from my chin. “I’m so scared.” My lower lip trembles as I tighten my hold on my legs.

His amber eyes soften and his jaw ticks. “I won’t let anything happen to you, you have my word.” He squats just at the edge of the door. “Tell me, what were they wearing? I’ll have Wade come up right now.” He pulls out his own phone and begins to dial.

Lori reaches out and rests her palm on his shoulder. “We’re both here, we won’t let anything happen.”

My head shakes violently. “I don’t remember. Just their faces. I saw them and ran in here.” I hold up the blank screen. “I called Ford, but his stupid battery on this thing died.”

Mason’s face pales. “Did you tell him you’re safe?”

“No.”

He tips his Stetson low enough it hides his face for a moment, then stands. “We’re gonna get you out of here. Let me take a quick look outside first.”

The knot in my stomach gets more painful when he leaves.

Lori signals me closer, then loops her arm through mine. “We’re here for you, you’re not alone in this, I promise.”

Mason reappears with his thumb dancing over his screen. “Coast is clear. Val said the two guys that came in just bought a case of beer then left.” He glances up, the lines next to his eyes deepen as he squints at us. “But we need to go. Wade is going to stop here to get the footage from Val later.”

He ushers us out, wrapping his arm around Lori, he walks between us to the truck.

It isn’t until he’s peeling out of the parking lot that I start to relax.

Yet Mason’s body language, and the urgency he’s driving with make it difficult.

When his phone rings, he doesn’t say hello.

“When?” Is his first word.

I can almost hear his teeth grit.

“How long?” His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel before he rapidly skids into the turn leading to the ranch. “That won’t fucking work, Wade. It has to be now. It’s life or death.”

Wait.

Who’s?

I thought my heart was finding a normal rhythm, but this one-sided conversation is starting to worry me.

“I don’t care how much it costs!” he yells into the speaker.

Lori’s eyes widen and she glances back towards me.

“God damn it.” He presses the button and then tosses it into the console.

“Mason?” She lights her fingertips on his wrist. “What’s going on?”

“Ford isn’t answering. If I know him at all , he’s going to do something stupid. I tried to get the helicopter out there to check, but they’re on a life flight to Helena.” He slams his door, then stalks around the truck to open hers. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just worried about that asshole.”

Even with the anger simmering so close to the surface, his touch is gentle with his wife helping her out of her seat.

Once Lori is down, he pulls my door open and holds out his hand.

“Is Ford going to be okay?” I ask him quietly.

Did I just screw everything up?

Mason’s palm pauses on my arm. “I think it depends on how much he cares for you.”

A cold chill rushes through me. “What does that mean? Please tell me.”

He reaches past and threads a dozen grocery bags over his wrists. “I’m assuming he told you about Sarah?”

I give him a quick nod, my guts churning.

His lips thin. “There was a couple of times I had to peel his pistol out of his hands. For all his gruff bullshit, he wears his heart on his sleeve.” He pauses, looking me hard in the eyes. “If he loves you, I ain’t there to save him.”

I’m frozen in place.

All the scattered thoughts congeal into one unifying moment.

I’ve never wanted someone to hate me as badly as I want Ford to.

My fingers dig into my palms to keep myself from screaming.

“He can’t though, can he? It’s only been a little over a week.” I manage to mumble, stumbling out of his way.

But I know I’m not fooling anyone.

Especially myself.

The intensity of what I feel about him is impossible to deny.

I can’t.

Mason stops as he’s walking away, then tips his hat towards Lori. “I knew the moment I met her.” The corner of his mouth lifts into a sad smile before he climbs the steps.

This can’t be happening.

Frantically, I grab as many plastic handles as I can and follow on his heels. “What can we do? I have to get to him, please?”

Mason piles the groceries on the broad table. “Sawyer’s loading the sleds. Him and Scotty are leaving as soon as we can load this up. It’s forty miles, but they can probably get there in a little over an hour if they haul ass.” Lori starts opening the bags and sorting everything into piles when the whine of the four stroke engines get louder and stop by the porch.

“Can I go?” I’m struggling to keep the panic out of my voice.

There’s a part of me that wants to run and hide, pretend that the horrors of the world will just pass me over.

But I know better.

“April—” Mason stops mid stride to turn to me. “—I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I can ride. I did it in a blizzard. In the dark.” If I can get to Ford in time, maybe…

“What if it’s too late?” he whispers. The muscles in his jaw tighten before he squeezes his eyes shut and turns away.

“Then let me be there to say goodbye.” I don’t fight the tears.

Ford gave me the beginning of a new life, here, with his family.

He gave me a taste of peace, and the knowledge that I can overcome anything.

Mason’s tiny nod is all I need.

“Fine. Sophia has a snowsuit that should fit you.” He points to a closet just off the entry. “There’s some extra helmets in a bin in the back.”

With a flood of raw relief, I practically run into the dark room.

I don’t know why, but I believe with my entire being that Ford is still alive.

Maybe it’s the way that Mason worries, or my own fears coming to the surface that Dave and Doug are after me and heading here now that gives me such a sense of urgency hurrying my movements.

Because all I can focus on is that Ford is the only one who can save me.

It feels like it’s taking forever.

Sawyer and Scott can only go as fast as their loaded cargo can handle.

Twice I’ve raced ahead only to find out I was veering off to the wrong direction.

But when the familiar gap in the hills appear, I leave them far behind, racing towards the tiny cabin and barn in the distance.

It looks like a postcard, nestled against the snow-laden trees.

Except there’s no smoke coming from the chimney.

What if Ford is still out where the cows are? Would I ever find him?

I have to start somewhere.

“Ford?” I call out before I’m even at a full stop.

Killing the engine, I rip off my helmet and jump off the snow machine.

My hand sits on the handle, fear paralyzing me.

What if he’s inside and I’m too late?

Am I ready for that?

Taking a steadying breath, I push the door open.

Roscoe raises his head and tilts it, sniffing the air before his nub of a tail begins to wag.

“Hey, buddy. Where’s Ford?” There’s nowhere to hide in here.

Wait, his coat?

The flutter of a piece of paper sitting on the cold wood stove stops me before I leave.

Sawyer,

Don’t ever fall in love, kid.

It hurts too fucking much.

Your heart lives outside of your chest, and you have no control over the pain.

Lock it down.

I’m sorry I dumped this cabin on you. It was the worst and the best thing to ever happen to me. Keep an eye on Roscoe. He’ll try and run off ‘cause he always tries to find me.

Tell your daddy not to do anything stupid, this ain’t his fault.

I’ve failed too many times, and this time was the worst.

You know what? Do fall in love. Just don’t fight it like I did.

Like breaking colts, hold on, don’t let go, and keep your ass on that saddle.

Best of luck,

Ford

Agony rips through me. The buzz of my own frenzied pulse seems to drown the world out.

What did he do? Crumpling the note, I stuff it into my pocket.

“Roscoe, you need to do exactly what he doesn’t want you to.” I swing the door wide. “Go find Ford!”

His gray body is a bolt of lightning racing outside.

With his nose working side to side, he veers away from the barn and around the stout walls of the small cabin towards the woodshed.

A fresh pile of newly chopped logs sits next to the splitting block, but no Ford.

“Ford!” My throat is hoarse, screaming his name over and over.

Roscoe stops to bark at the approaching Arctic Cats, and circles back next to the discarded ax.

Then he leaps into a drift, disappearing.

It’s the same spot that Ford had tackled me that day I threw a snowball at him.

Dread shreds me when Roscoe doesn’t pop up.

As I get closer, I see a pair of boots, then legs.

Oh no, please no.

His bare chest is speckled with ice chunks from Roscoe bounding over him.

Is he breathing?

Because I’m not.

Falling to my knees, the fears I’ve carried spill from my eyes.

His rugged features look so relaxed, settled into his frozen bed.

“Ford? If you loved me, why did you give up?” I whisper.

His skin is so cold it burns when I flatten my palms over the tattoos on his heart.

My cheek follows.

I just want to touch him one more time.

“I was safe, Ford. I was just so scared. You gave me an army. But all I wanted is you.” Tears freeze when they meet his blue-tinged flesh.

This isn’t fair.

I’ve been alone my whole life, just going through the motions.

Hell tried to drag me down, but Ford lifted me out.

He was so strong, until he wasn’t.

Anger begins to build in me.

“Why? You gave up on me! We were both broken.” My fist curls and slowly begins to beat his chest. “But broken pieces can come together to make something beautiful, Ford. We could have made a mosaic, like those ones in Italy that have lasted a thousand years.” Frustration knots in my throat as the sobs begin to ravage my body.

Soon, I’m kneeling over him, both hands pummeling him. “You’re a coward!” I scream. “You were afraid to love me! You didn’t have to prove anything to me, Ford.” I collapse again, too weak to yell.

“I loved you, too. The only thing I wanted was more of you.” I lie across him, burying my nose beneath his jaw.

A tremble tickles my nose.

Like a jolt, I sit up fast. Was that a pulse?

My fingers are too fucking cold, so I press my lips against his throat.

Yes.

I felt it again.

The engines have stopped.

“Sawyer!” I scream as loud as I can. “Help me!”

Peeling down the long zipper of my snowsuit, I strip my hoodie off and press my breasts and belly against Ford’s bare torso.

“Let me warm you up.” God, it hurts to force myself against him.

But if there’s any chance at all to save him, it’s worth it.

Within moments, rapid footsteps pound closer.

“Is he alive?” Scott’s green eyes are wide as both men loom over me.

“Yes! We need to get him inside!” I scramble backwards, falling into the deeper bank.

It almost feels warm compared to the icy touch of Ford’s skin.

They grab his limp arms, lifting him easily from the frigid hollow.

After laying him gently on the bed, Sawyer starts prepping the wood stove for a fire, and Scott helps me pull off Ford’s boots.

Neither acknowledge the fact that my upper body is stripped down to my bra.

“Help me get his jeans off.” I tug at the waist, but they’re soaked and sticking to Ford’s hips.

“Don’t you want him dressed more?” Scott averts his gaze as he asks.

“No, we need these wet clothes off. Believe me, this works.” I kick off my own boots at the same time.

The underwear comes with Ford’s Wranglers, revealing a row of tiny silver beads running the length of Ford’s dick.

Holy shit, he’s pierced?

“Fuck, that had to hurt.” Sawyer grimaces as he shuts the door to the stove.

“You can ask him later. Roll him on his side.” I shimmy out of my leggings until I’m in my panties, and crawl next to Ford, then pull up the blankets.

Sawyer and Scott glance at each other, their foreheads furrowed. “Is there anything else we can do?”

I’m already shaking as I curl closer to Ford’s still body. “Did you bring those extra handwarmers we bought this morning?”

Sawyer nods and rushes out the door.

“Um.” Scott shifts awkwardly in the small room.

“Now we wait and hope he wakes up.” I want to give him the out he seems to be looking for.

“Okay. I’ll set up the tent in the barn tonight so you guys have some, um, privacy.” His lips are thin, and he adjusts his wool hat. “Yell if you need anything.” In a rush of cold air, he leaves.

The heat from the fire grows enough that I can’t see my breath in the air when Sawyer comes back after a soft knock. “Sorry it took so long. They were buried under like thirty pounds of Hot Pockets.” He gives me a lopsided smile, then opens several of the packages to stuff under the blanket on Ford’s opposite side.

“I know this sounds crazy, but if there was room, I’d ask you to cuddle him.” I flash Sawyer a grin from behind Ford’s head.

Sawyer’s blue eyes grow round. “Oh fuck, he’d kill me.”

“But he’d be alive to be mad,” I say quietly.

Cold seeps into me like a slow tide, dragging me past the point of my teeth chattering.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, just going to sleep and fading into the ice with Ford.

Then he takes a deep breath, and his cheek twitches, giving me a tiny burst of hope.

“We’ll be within hollering distance. Want me to come back to check the fire?” Sawyer looks just as uncomfortable as Scott did a moment ago.

“Only if you don’t see any smoke. Thank you, Sawyer, for hurrying today.” I know they did it for Ford, but it feels as if they’ve done the biggest favor by letting me join them.

“Sure thing. Ford’s a good guy. I just hope we made it in time. I’ll call Dad and let him know.” His jaw clenches, reminding me of Mason, then he gives a quick nod before he leaves.

I know I should be mad, furious even that Ford did this.

But I also know how the darkness is always there, tugging at the seams, trying to find any shred of weakness to work its way in. That it’s so easy to crumble when you’re already exhausted from carrying the weight of the nightmares.

He saved me, showed me that there’s good in the world, and gave me something to live for.

I just want the chance to do the same for him.