Page 21

Chapter 21

Ford

I deserve every bite into my skin from the whipping winds.

All I wanted to do was beg her to stay, but I knew better.

Holding her at arm’s length is best. She doesn’t need to dwell on me.

I’d never be able to give her what she deserves, no matter how badly I want to.

The helicopter disappears, followed by the fading beat of the rotors.

I need to make sure she’s taken care of.

“Mason? I have a favor.” I don’t wait for him to even say “hi”.

“Anything.” He doesn’t pause.

We’ve known each other too long.

“When April gets there, I want you to take her to my place, give her the key. And the ones to my truck.” I want to make sure she has someplace safe.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out loudly enough it blows into the speaker. “You must really trust this girl.”

I like my privacy, he knows it. This isn’t a light ask.

“I do. I wish I could do more. Hell, give her all my back pay, too.” I’ve been up here for months without spending a dime.

My house is owned by Black Gulch, and it covers my utilities.

All I have to spend my wages on is booze.

It’d be better spent on her.

“Ford. Are you okay?” Pain laces his words. “You’re coming back, right?”

Rubbing my temples doesn’t make the pain in my chest go away.

I fucking miss her already. And that’s a bastard.

“Ford? Do you need a break? I’ll make Sawyer head up. He and Scott can bring a generator and their video game shit and hide for a week. Or two. Whatever you need. There’s enough powder the snow machines can make it up there pretty quick.” He shuffles something that sounds like pages in the background.

Is he making notes?

Weeks alone with April?

Tempting. But it would just delay the inevitable.

I’d fall for her, and she’d leave.

Then I’d really be fucked. Just like Sarah.

I think I loved her more than she did me, I was just too stupid to see it.

“No, I can stay.” It feels final to say it.

Like I just cut my heart out of my body.

He grunts, but doesn’t argue.

“Mason?” I can hear the gravel in my tone. “Take care of her for me?”

He sighs. “I remember someone telling me I gave a blowjob to karma to land Lori. Get up off your knees, Ford. You know I’m usually the one taking advice, not giving it. But get your head out of the past and open your eyes to the present. It’s obvious you care about this girl. I’ll give Sawyer a kick in the ass, he’s been moping around here lately anyway.”

My fist tightens against my thigh.

Instinct has me wanting to resist him. I haven’t earned shit.

But there’s a piece of me that wants a chance.

I got a tender sample last night of what April looks like when she’s truly at bliss. It’s hard not to want to join her.

Even if it’s only for a little while.

“Alright.” I give.

Let Sawyer come up. Two weeks and April will be sick of me.

Maybe that’s what she needs, so she can move on.

Whoever she ends up with had better treat her with the respect she deserves though.

God damn it, that hurts to contemplate.

“Good. I’ll get the ball rolling. I gotta go, the chopper is coming in. I’ll make sure Lori makes her feel welcome. Will Dix scare her, or should I maybe see if Char can take April to the clinic?” He sounds genuinely concerned.

That’s why I stay with Mason.

He’s more than a boss, he’s a true friend.

The idea of April being scared of anything makes me chuckle.

“I think she’d be fine, but it’d be nice for the girls to help her.” It’s hard not to picture Lori, Sophia, and Char, taking April into their group.

Shit, she might keep them and boot me from the grounds.

I’d be okay with that, she’d be happy with the lot of ‘em as friends.

“Will do. See you soon.” Mason hangs up just as the helicopter noise begins to infiltrate the call.

Him and his kin are good people. Not many of them left around.

Pepper seems ticked at my mere presence, so today might not be a prime candidate to go check the cattle herd.

Tomorrow. I’ll get back into routine.

Without April.

When I stomp my way into the cabin, I can still smell her. How can she use my soap, wear my clothes, sleep in my bed, and still have a lingering scent of wildflowers?

It’s almost as if I can still taste her.

My cock pushes on my zipper.

I know, it’s cranky it never got to meet her.

It’d split her in two.

After dropping my coat on the hook, I sink into the bed, pulling the pillow over my face.

Maybe I’ll just let myself suffocate here, with her sweet fragrance being the last thing I experience.

The glimmer of taste I stole last night has me wishing I had dropped between her supple thighs to eat her into unconsciousness.

But then she would have been too hard to resist.

Opening my jeans, my poor dick finally gets the room to stand in the air, like a flagpole pointing in the last direction it saw her.

I want what I can’t have.

If only she hadn’t been brutalized, I might have let things go farther.

My fingers trace the hard metal piercings that punctuate every inch of my shaft.

She would have taken each one without complaint, yet I know they would hurt after what happened to her at the hands of her captors.

I’d never ask that of her, being in pain for my own pleasure.

That’s what the monsters did when they took her.

No. The day I sink into her, she’ll be healed, ready, and screaming in ecstasy.

Fuck. Just the thought of her arching over me makes a dribble of pre-cum leak from my tip.

Every barbell shoots a jolt through me as my palm drifts over it.

I got these after Sarah.

A reminder of each asshole who ruined my life. I never wanted a day to pass that I didn’t think of her and what they did to her.

Eight bars.

And now all I can think of is pushing each one into April.

Watching her head toss and that flush of pink work up her body.

Then the shape of her mouth as each one slips in until every single one is lodged in her tight…

Little…

Fuck. My nuts uncoil as I erupt onto my belly.

I made a mess.

Damn it.

“Don’t judge me,” I growl at Roscoe, holding my unfastened pants up with one hand, while trying to keep from dripping on the floor while I scramble for a paper towel.

He tilts his head on his paws then snorts.

Whatever.

Post nut clarity tells me I’m insane for thinking there’s a chance with her.

I’m her rescuer, nothing more.

Once she gets back to Missoula, she’ll see I was right.

There’s just a nagging unfinished thread tugging at me, so I better call about it.

“Wade? I was wondering if you managed to make it up to that shack?” I toss the crumpled napkin into the fire, burning the evidence of my moment of weakness.

“Yup. First thing. No sign, looks like they packed up. I had one of my deputies stop by a house down the hill aways. They said a fleet of sleds flew past a few days ago during that lull in the storm, and then went back by only an hour or two later. They thought it was strange, but figured it was a bunch of teens.” There’s a chair creak followed by two small thumps.

I can picture him leaning back and propping his feet up.

His favorite position in his office.

He’s had me sobering up in his drunk tank often enough, I can almost see him doing it.

Yet another reason I’m no good for April.

I drink too much sometimes and pick fights just to feel anything but pain.

Funny, I didn’t feel the urge to dig out a bottle while she was here.

Although, a shot of whiskey now sounds good.

“So what does that mean? They’re just gone? What about her car?” I stop myself from running my palm down my face, but turn to the small wash basin to scrub my hands.

“I think we found it.” He doesn’t sound excited. “Burned out husk matching her VIN was found in an alley behind that gas station. Found the station owner’s body half cooked inside it.”

Shit.

“Are you going to talk to her today?” I ask quietly.

A tinge of jealousy runs through me.

He gets to see her, but I don’t.

That irritates me.

“Yea, I have a note to Dix to let me know when she’s done at the clinic.”

“Wade?” I struggle to keep my tone level. “Go easy.”

He chuckles, which pisses me off more.

“I’m always nice to the ladies. You gonna be there?”

I’m wishing I was, if only to run interference. “No, waiting on Sawyer to come up.” It’s only half true.

An hour ago, I wouldn’t have left. But the reality of knowing she’s down there, having to deal with all of this bullshit makes me wish I had arranged to leave with her.

“Oh, well, I’ll keep an eye on her for ya. Don’t you worry.” With another laugh, he hangs up.

I want to throw the sat phone.

I’m on a fucking rollercoaster, and I can’t decide if I’m jumping off in a peak or a valley.

Because I don’t know if I can handle this ride.