Page 10

Chapter 10

April

My legs are still shaky when I push the heavy blankets away.

I hate how crusty and dirty I feel. The matting of my hair gives me a headache.

His dark locks are just long enough to tuck behind his ears before he picks up the heavy pot filled with boiling water.

Steam billows in a wave from the corner when he dumps it into the small tub.

“I wish I had one of those on-demand heaters for you.” He sets the empty basin back on the wood stove. “That bath’ll cool off faster than this will warm it up.” But he pulls out a jug and begins to pour it.

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” I shrug, wobbling over to test the temperature.

The dog tilts his head watching me, then the little nub of his tail wags when I get closer.

“Is he friendly?” I really could snuggle a puppy. I bet that would solve all of my problems.

“Yea, unless you’re a cow that likes to run the wrong way,” Ford grumbles, then furrows his forehead. “Sorry, that came out different than it sounded in my head.”

He’s kinda quirky, acting like I’m fragile.

Do I look that rough?

I lean over and scratch the top of the dog’s head.

He pulls back to sniff my wrist, then lets me dig deep behind his ears. “I promise not to ‘moo’ at you, okay?”

His pink tongue lolls before he slides his body to show me his belly.

Ford chuckles behind me. “He’ll be your best friend, now.”

“I could use more friends.” I take a deep breath and straighten myself.

If I had someplace to go the other night, I might not have ended up in that gas station.

“Do you have someplace to go when this storm lets up?” he asks quietly.

I step far enough into the tiny alcove to be out of his line of sight, then start shedding the baggy clothes he lent me.

“I’m gonna move back on campus until my classes are done.” What I do between now and then, I have no idea.

“And drain my dad’s credit card if that bitch hasn’t turned it off already.” I’ll remind him I’m still alive one way or another.

The bulky sweatpants fall, and all I have left on is the crusty fucking panties I’ve been wearing since that night.

“Hold on, I’ll head out to the barn to give you some privacy.” His coat disappears from the hook when he reaches for it.

“Wait.” I watch his arm pause over his hat. “I’d rather not be alone, if that’s okay?” The wind is rattling against the windows. It’s too cold for him to have to hide. I’m past being modest.

I can hear him take a long breath. “Yea, alright. I just figured—”

“Pretty sure if you were gonna hurt me, you’ve had your chance. Am I right?” My toes hit the hot water forcing a gasp.

But holy hell does it feel good.

“Yea, you’re safe with me.” There’s a low thump when he sits on the bed.

Easing myself down, it isn’t until I try to sit that it hurts.

“You okay?” Worry tinges his question.

Damn, I can’t stop the whine of pain.

“I’m just…sore.” I admit.

“Fuck,” he whispers.

But I can hear him.

“Yea, I know.” The memories of the last few days of misery try to fight their way up. It’s a struggle to focus on the luxury of my first bath in a week.

“Ford? Tell me about the ranch you work at?” I need something to distract me.

“It’s pretty boring. We run about six thousand head or so. We have pasture contracts across most of northwest Montana. My boss, Mason, and his brother, Dixon, run it.” There’s a creaking sound, then I see his boots prop on the wooden stool near the stove. “I grew up there. Mason and I have been thick as thieves since we were kids.”

I’m finally able to lean back and soak.

God, this feels good. “That sounds like a dream, getting to live on a ranch your whole life.”

He snorts. “It’s not like on TV. It’s long ass hours riding an ornery horse through every kinda weather. Then getting back up the next day and doing it again.”

“My dad is a lawyer. I grew up in the suburbs among bratty neighbors and HOA’s. I’d have given anything to just be off on my own like that.” The bar of soap has a nutmeg smell to it. I like it.

“That’s why I’m majoring in animal nutrition, so I can go work at a place like a ranch. Maybe a big dairy.”

“Char’s friend’s family owns a big dairy just south of here. You’d like Libby, she’s a spitfire.” He sighs. “I bet if Mason talked to you, he’d learn a thing or two. He’s a stubborn cuss, but a lot more likeable now that he remarried.”

I hope that Mason guy has a better wife than my dad does.

Scrubbing my hair might be a lost cause, yet I know I need to try.

I spend the next little while asking him about the feed mixes on the ranch, until the water grows so tepid I start to shiver.

“Ford? Can I ask you a favor?” There’s a brown tinge to the bath. I don’t want that scum sticking to me when I get out.

“Sure, April. Whatcha need?” His boots drop out of sight with a thud.

“Can you dump that pot on the stove over me? This is gross.” I feel like I need to wash twenty more times before I’ll ever be clean.

There’s a long pause. “Um. If that’s what you want?”

I glance over my body, riddled with bumps, scrapes, and bruises.

My voice drops. “Ford, if I could tear my skin off and leave it behind I would. I just…please…I have to get at least a layer of this grime off of me. I don’t care if Santa and all of his reindeer get to watch, I need to rinse.”

He gives a short laugh. “Okay.”

I can hear him stand, then catch sight of him digging in his dresser.

Fresh clothes appear on the stool that he slides close enough to me I can reach them.

“Ready?” He sticks a finger in the pot. “It’s on the chilly side still, I’m sorry ahead of time.”

“I don’t care, it’s not a snowbank.” My legs feel like jelly when I stand and face away from him. “Go for it.”

It isn’t exactly freezing, but it’s cold.

“Oh fuck,” I croak.

My nipples feel like they’re made of ice as the frigid water pours over me. I try to wipe as much of it from my goosebumpy skin as I can.

The clang of the pan hitting the stove echoes just before a warm fuzzy towel is draped over my shoulders.

“Thank you.” When I turn, he’s already stepping behind the narrow wall.

I swear he’s more shy than I am.

After I dry myself and climb into the oversized clothes, I almost am starting to feel like a human again.

A very tired one. I can’t believe how much that kicked my ass.

But I need to do something about this rat’s nest on my head.

“Do you have a comb? Or a brush?” I ask, sitting on the short stool and trying to rake through the tangles with my fingers.

It might be easier if I had a huge bottle of conditioner.

He hands me a tiny comb from the top of the dresser.

I fight with it forever, but it’s still one big mat.

Tears begin to sting in my eyes.

They did this, the assholes. If it wasn’t for them, I could pull my hair up into a ponytail, or a bun, even a braid.

There’s a butcher knife next to the small sink. I give up.

I can feel Ford’s eerie gray eyes watching me when I start hacking the knots off. When each one falls to the floor, it feels a little more cathartic.

“Um. Do you want scissors?” He finally interrupts my sawing.

“If you have them? Can you get the ones in the back?” Swiveling, I tilt my chin down so he can reach.

He doesn’t move, but I can hear his breathing grow more rapid.

Is he…scared?

I twist my head around to look at him. “Are you afraid of me?”

“No.” The silver strands in his whiskers jump when he clenches the muscles of his jaw.

“Then why do you act like I have the plague or something?” Is this how life will always be after this?

I don’t want it to be.

His lips thin. “I just don’t know how to fix this.”

“There is nothing to fix, except my nasty hairdo. It would be nice if you’d stop treating me like there’s something wrong with me.” Frustration starts to rise in me. My finger stabs into my own chest. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Flinging my arm out, I point to the distance. “It’s them! They did this to me. I’m not sick, or broken. Just tired, and fucking scared that the whole world is going to act like you. That I’m tainted. ” Tears sting my eyes. I try to bite back the quiver in my lip and breathe through the shudders in my inhales.

But it’s fucking hard.

I can’t swallow past the growing lump in my throat. “I didn’t even know them.” Sniffling, I manage to fight down a sob that’s struggling to escape.

Sometimes that’s the hardest part to accept. It was just the unluckiest pick of the draw, ever.

His teeth grind. “I don’t think that. Not one bit. I just feel useless, that I should be out there hunting them down. Making them pay for what they did.”

He holds the scissors by the blades, so I grab them from his fist and flip the handles back to him. “You can fix my hair. That would be better than you being out there in that shit lost and freezing because of me.” I turn back around to face the wood stove, and squeeze my eyes shut.

This isn’t his fault.

I shouldn’t be yelling at him. He’s trying to be nice.

“I’m sorry, Ford.” My nails dig into my palms so I can keep my voice level.

“Fuck, April. Don’t apologize. I want to help, I just don’t know how.” He shifts off the bed and stands behind me.

I barely feel him lift a snarled lock and snip it.

One by one, the tangled reminders fall to the floor.