Page 1

Chapter 1

Ford

“Another.” Slamming the shot glass upside on the bar, I line it up carefully next to the others.

Val wanders over, one of her dark eyebrows raises as she glances up to the clock. “It’s almost last call, Ford. If you want another round, you know that means I’m calling Mason.” Her bright red lips purse.

Fuck. I don’t need Mason driving out here.

“It ain’t more than usual, Val. Maybe just one more whiskey? I’m heading out to the contract cabin for the winter.” I tilt my hat back and tap the ring on my pinky against the empty glass. “I won’t be back to cause problems ‘til spring, I swear.” I try to flash my best smile, but there’s two of her now.

Her green eyes narrow. “You’re going up before Halloween?”

Like a fucking punch to the gut.

Squinting hard, my double vision momentarily clears. “Why you gotta do that to me?” My tongue feels fat and slow in my mouth.

I guess I might have hit my quota.

Because just the mention of the looming date makes me thirsty.

“We all worry about you, Ford,” she says softly. “You really shouldn’t go until after, so you’re not alone. You always get stupid this time of year.” Her head tilts, making her maroon hair fall across her cheek.

My fist tightens on the upside down tumbler, highlighting the jack-o-lantern tattoo on the back of my hand.

It’s there so I don’t forget.

I never will.

The lights are too damn bright.

“Fine. Thanks,” I grumble. Grabbing the chain attached to my wallet, I yank it out of my pocket and start counting out the bills.

It used to always be eight shots. I went to four for a while, but tonight I needed the full run.

Knowing I’m going to be left with my demons for another long winter alone made it easy to want to fall into old, bad habits.

I’m a weak fuck who can’t shake a grudge.

Don’t really deserve to. It’s the only thing that wakes me up most mornings.

Who knows what’ll happen once I can turn all eight of those damn glasses over?

Nothing. That’s what.

A clunking sound comes from the back of the bar before the swinging doors are pushed open by a big plastic tote.

Scott’s green eyes match Val’s as he aims for his sister. “Which one of these sinks has the dirty ones?” He gestures with the empty container, looking over his shoulder along the length of the wooden counter.

Val sighs, then points to the one nearest the wall.

“I thought you’d be home playing video games with Sawyer by now?” I toss my money down, calling towards Scott.

He groans while pulling a stack of empty beer steins out of their murky water. “Believe me, I’d rather be. I can’t wait until I’m done with my classes so I can be on campus next semester.” His nose wrinkles as a splash of grimy suds lands on his shirt.

Val raises an eyebrow and her full lips flatten. “I can’t even imagine what your dorm room will look like.” Shaking her head, she wipes the spot clean where my empties sat, then turns to me. “Maybe he should go stay in the cabin for a few months. It’d be good for him to detox from online for a while.”

“Yea, fuck that,” he grumbles before disappearing into the back.

Knowing how damn lonely I was last winter, I’d almost be willing to offer the job.

Not that I’m fit to be around people. It’s probably best if I just stay off grid.

“He’s too smart to be stuck up there, I bet he’ll be fine at school.” I give Val a short wave and head towards the exit.

She rolls her eyes, then tucks a strand of dark pink hair behind her ear. “Ford, you be careful up there. Don’t go do anything stupid and get yourself killed.”

“There’s worse things,” I say under my breath before pushing out into the cold October air.

“Go on, get off and run then.” I snap my fingers at Roscoe who sails from the back of my horse to fall into a lope next to me in the grass next to the gravel road.

His fidgeting was getting annoying.

Or maybe I’m just cranky.

His compact blue frame easily keeps up with the methodical steps of Pepper until we get to the main house. The heavy steam rising from each of his exhales in the frosty air tells me I’m pushing my luck waiting this long to leave.

Snow comes early in the mountains, and stays late.

There’ll be storms up there that dump feet of powder when it’s clear and crisp down here at the ranch.

Fuck, I hope it hasn’t already dropped some.

Sawyer already has his gelding with the three pack mules tied up and ready with the last of the feed and gear.

Who knows when I’ll get another resupply, so it’s best to have everything up there.

Forty miles by trail on horseback is a long way from an hour trip into town by car to get fast food. I felt like a pioneer of the old west last winter, but learned what I really needed.

“‘Morning, Ford. All set?” Sawyer tilts his baseball hat back on his head and grins up at me. His lanky frame skips the first two steps on the porch to stride to the door. “Lori made us some breakfast to go, if you haven’t eaten.”

“Is she feeling any better?” I’m torn over going in because I know she’s sick from her pregnancy.

Black Gulch is turning into a damn nursery with Mason and Dixon’s kids running around.

How old would mine have been? Four? Five?

The thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth and a twist in my gut.

And I know it ain’t the hangover.

The rich smell of fresh bread does little to help it.

“Hi, Ford.” Lori stands behind the counter of the kitchen, stuffing things into a grocery bag. “I made some sandwiches and breakfast wraps for you guys.” She smiles as she hoists the handles.

Mason moves past her carrying a hard Pelican case. “Here’s the sat phone. You know you’re welcome to check in more than three times all winter.” His mouth twists into a lopsided grin as he hands it to me. “Gonna miss you, bud. No one here matches your grumpy ass anymore. Even Dixon is—” He gives a fake shiver. “— happy. Feels weird without you.”

“Well, with Dixon living back on site, you get the added bonus of Blue and Wade hanging around again.” I pat his shoulder and take the case. “You’ll hardly notice I’m gone.”

“Uh, yea. In what universe would I trade Wade for you?” Mason chuckles.

Sawyer takes the food from Lori, who snugs herself against Mason’s side.

“I hope you both have a safe trip and come back in one piece.” She bites her bottom lip with tears shimmering in her eyes.

“We’ll be fine. This is what, trip number five this summer?” Sawyer twists his fingers in the handles. “Bye Dad. Bye Lori. Kiss Jack for me ‘til I get back.” He grabs his Carhartt by the door and heads outside.

“Baby sleeping?” I didn’t pay any attention that Mason and Lori weren’t holding Jack in their arms.

Lori nods. “He’s in his crib in Sophia’s room. She offered to keep an eye on him since I was busy being sick last night.” Her forehead pinches. “It’s so nice to have extra helpers around.”

Mason kisses her temple with a smile he tries to hide from her.

I can see the pride in his stance and the love in his gaze when he looks at her.

Lucky bastard.

I’m happy for him, I really am.

But it still feels like a dagger is twisting in my chest. I could have had this too.

If I hadn’t fucked it all up.

“Well, time to go hide in the woods for a while. Let me know if you find those assholes who poisoned that pond.” I follow Sawyer out onto the porch, but Mason falls into step behind me.

“Ford, you watch your back up there. They know we’re keeping cattle in that pasture, and whoever in the fuck it is that’s messing with us, they’re stepping up their game.”

“And to think I was hoping all that bullshit was over once Cash and Trevor were gone.” Their names burn enough I have to spit into the dirt.

“Well, you and I both know you wouldn’t even need to go up there if the threat wasn’t there.” Mason takes a deep breath and leans against the post along the railing. “I wish like hell you didn’t have to go, either of you.” He juts his chin towards Sawyer.

“I’ll be fine, Dad.” Sawyer hangs the bag of goodies over the saddlehorn and threads his long arms into his coat. “I’ll be back in a couple of days. I gotta practice with Scotty before our next Call of Duty tournament anyways.”

I untie Pepper from where she stands idly and swing up into the saddle.

Roscoe pops his head up and trots over, the stump of his tail wagging.

I bet he knows we’re going back up to stay again. He’s my only source of sanity at the cabin.

A man, a dog, and a horse.

Sounds like the start to a really boring joke.

It’s a two day trek through some of the most beautiful country in Montana. High rugged peaks flank us as we push through the frosty fields of dying grass.

By the second evening, we make it to the small log cabin nestled next to a rough barn and a creek that manages to trickle most of the winter.

I’m just glad there’s a hand pump so I don’t have to worry about water for me or the animals.

There’s barely room for Sawyer to crash in his sleeping bag on the floor, but it’s still more comfortable with the little pot bellied stove than camping outside again.

“Welp. I guess I’ll mosey.” Sawyer rolls up his bedding and slings it over his shoulder. “I don’t know how you do it.” His dark hair shags over his forehead when he shakes his head. “I’d go stir crazy without the internet.”

“When you get older, you’ll come to appreciate the alone time.” I set my empty coffee cup down next to the tiny sink.

“Do you like being up here by yourself?” Sawyer’s nose wrinkles as he straps his things to his horse.

“Nope.” I pull my hat brim low enough to cut the glare of the sun reflecting off the morning freeze.

Or maybe it’s to keep him from seeing the remorse in my expression.

I hate being up here, left alone with nothing but the memories of all the mistakes I’ve made.

But I won’t tell him that.

“Be careful on the way back. See ya in the spring.” The chill cuts through me, and I’m shit enough at goodbyes, that I turn around and shut the door.

Roscoe watches from his blanket in the corner, ears raised, yet he keeps his head on his paws.

He knows I wait until it’s warmer to do chores.

“Well pup, it’s just you and me again.”