Page 15

Chapter 15

Ford

It’s a little bit of a punch to the gut knowing exactly when she’s leaving.

Two days ago, I couldn’t wait for her to go.

I’m not sure what to say.

There was a moment, after I tackled her down in the snow, when I was able to forget everything.

Why did she look at me like that? As if she was fixated on my mouth? I’m too fucking old and broken for the thoughts that went through my head.

Like how good she felt lying on top of me. And how I didn’t really want to move, but I knew that if I stayed there, I might do something I’d regret.

She doesn’t need me trying to take advantage of her during one of the hardest times in her life.

Makes me feel fucking filthy to even consider it.

“Do you think they left the cabin?” April pauses with her fork halfway to her mouth.

I swallow down the last bite of my own food before answering. “Dunno. Have you tried calling your dad’s place to see if anyone has shown up?” It does agitate me knowing those two assholes are still out there.

She drops her hand, letting the noodles slip back into the pouch. “I really am not sure if I want to call there again.” Her nose wrinkles and she leans against the wall. “I’m of the opinion that I should just jump in a plane and fly to Italy or something.”

“Ah, yea. I’ve had a few of those ‘screw it’ thoughts too.” Except mine are darker.

Her amber eyes fix on me. “Why haven’t you gotten away?”

The only ways I’ve left were in the bottom of a bottle.

“Mason isn’t just my boss, he’s my best friend. It’d be hell for him to run that ranch alone. Well, maybe a little easier now that Dixon is on site more…” I don’t want to admit that half the reason I’m still alive is because Mason was in a worse mindset than I was for years after his wife died.

It’s like we propped each other up in our grief.

She blinks at me, then a little furrow forms between her blond brows. “But what about you? Have you taken any time off?”

“And do what? Get wasted and get in fights? Nah, I ain’t worth the trouble.” Crumpling my empty meal bag, I hold out my palm and gesture for her hollow container.

Her fingers knot behind her head as she stretches out on the bed, propped by the pillow, she stares at the ceiling. “Maybe we could just stay here forever. Would your boss just pay you to do that?”

A bare slice of her lower belly shows beneath the loose hem of her shirt. I have to fight myself to look away. “You’d get bored real quick. The nights get long out here. No internet either, what about your classes?”

The water on the stove is just about hot enough.

I need a damn bath. I’ve been holding out as long as I could hoping she’d be gone, but I just have to bite the bullet and do it.

“All I have left are elective credits.” She rolls onto her stomach and props her chin on her hands. “But I’m not even sure if I want to go back.”

These pots are so heavy when they’re full. After dumping them, I glance over at her. “Did you want to wash up tonight too? I need to, I could run a skunk off.”

Her fingers drift through her short hair. “Sure. I guess that’ll be a perk of being back in civilization, right?” The corner of her mouth sucks in between the whites of her teeth. “Fuck, I gotta figure out what I’m gonna do,” she says quietly before burying her face into the covers.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about it tonight.” I should know that it’s easier said than done.

I’ve been trying to get thoughts out of my head for years, hasn’t worked yet.

The chill of the room doesn’t offset the awkward ass feeling when I step around the small wall and shed my shirt and jeans.

Fuck that water is hot!

“Y’all right in there? That was quite the noise you made.” April giggles.

I let out a long exhale before I lower my nuts into the steaming bath.

“Just cookin’ my swimmers,” I groan. I was in such a hurry to get out of sight, I didn’t add enough cold from the tap.

The metal bars in my cock seem to suck the heat straight into my nuts.

“Well, it sounds painful. Do you want me to get a snowball?” She stifles another chuckle.

“I’m fine.” Lathering myself up, I pretend like the tinkling sounds of her laughter doesn’t have the blood rushing to my scalded dick.

After I dunk my head under, I can’t get out fast enough. Being naked in the same room as her is putting thoughts in my mind that shouldn’t be there.

Just stop.

In one movement, I pull the drain, stand, and grab the towel hanging nearby.

With a quick run over my hair, I wrap it around my waist, then step out.

The fire of her gaze makes the water seem like it was frigid.

“Ford, I don’t get why you hide away. You could get any girl…” Her voice trails off when I turn away.

“I don’t have anything to offer, April. Remember that,” I snap as I give the tub a quick rinse. No one wants a life like mine.

Sarah didn’t. Look what that got her.

April stands up, the intensity of her stare shifts to defiance jutting her chin out. “Don’t cut yourself short. You gave me what I needed. Safety. Comfort. Peace.” Her finger jabs into my bare chest. “Remember that.” She pivots to the stove and dips a sauce pan into the hot water, then dumps it into the empty bath.

Roscoe cocks his head watching her move back and forth with the smaller pan, then settles onto his paws with a sigh.

Yea, me too buddy.

“Here, I can get the rest.” I don’t know how I pissed her off, but I’ll try to fix it.

When I reach out to touch her arm, it startles me to see tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Hey, what’d I do? I’m sorry?” What am I apologizing for?

She sniffles, striking away the droplet clinging to her nose. “It’s stupid. It’s not you.” She steps backwards letting me empty the second full pot into the tub.

I let it clang to the floor, then grip her shoulders, making her look at me. “Tell me so I can do better.”

Her honey colored eyes well. “It’s just, if I’d had met you first…before—” Her hand waves wildly in a circle. “—I know things would have been different. I’d have been protected. But I didn’t. And it’s…it’s not fair.” Her lower lip trembles even though she tries to bite it still.

Fuck.

I can’t fight that.

“You would have been. I promise it would have been different.” I don’t know what to do, so I pull her tight to me, tucking her head under my chin.

Like a dam breaking, she loses control and breaks into full sobs in my arms. Her shuddering cries echo through me, as if she’s weeping directly to my heart.

She clings to me, spilling her pain in rivulets that run down my bare chest until her legs give.

Before she falls, I scoop her up and carry her to the bed, lying us both down, I let her ball against me.

I don’t know how long she wept. Every time I thought she had finished, I felt her take another quaking breath before new tears fell.

All I can do is hold her, keep her warm, and match her grief at the loss of the lives we thought we’d have.