Page 19

Chapter 19

Ford

What the fuck is wrong with me?

She told me she’s in pain, she’s afraid, and that she needs a friend.

But all I can do is picture her covered in whipped cream with a strawberry between her lips?

I’m a special brand of asshole to be thinking about her that way.

Especially when I have nothing to offer.

No one wants a life like mine. It’s why Sarah left.

April’s just recovering. She thinks I’m the answer to her problems, but I’m not the man she deserves. I don’t want to take advantage of her, lead her on to some happy ending that doesn’t exist.

I can be a friend. Someone she can count on. I’ll do my damndest to be there for her.

But she shouldn’t want me.

I’m not like Mason. He was worthy of another chance at happiness.

The way he treated Carolyn was like a fairy tale.

Shit, I don’t write poems, yet that’s why he got Lori.

Karma came down and kissed his rosy ass twice.

There’s a good possibility that I’m just not cut out for relationships.

Huh. I’m deluding myself to believe that’s even something she’d want from me.

She got pushed overboard into an ocean of shit, and I just happened to be a floating chunk of garbage she found to keep her from drowning.

That doesn’t make me a hero.

With a deep breath, I push back into the cool cabin, my arms full of split wood.

She’s huddled under the blankets to ward off the growing chill.

Damn it, I let the fire get too low while I was outside feeling sorry for myself.

Figures. I’m always abandoning what’s important.

I can feel her eyes following me as I squat and stoke the embers back to life. It isn’t long before heat begins to pour from the stove.

“You know, you’re kinda like that.” Her voice is muffled from beneath the thick comforter.

“Like what?” I hang up my jacket then move around the half-wall to get ready for bed.

“The fire. It’s like you’re hiding in a bed of ash, acting like the whole world has burned around you. But you just need someone to poke you with a stick.” She giggles, covering her head.

“No one is poking me,” I grumble as I brush my teeth.

Her laughter grows louder. “I didn’t say pegging. You can’t hide forever.”

I give her a raised brow as I slide my belt out of my jeans. “Nice girl like you shouldn’t even know what that means.” But I can’t stop the smile. “I ain’t hiding.” I protest. “You found me, remember?”

Her grin turns to a scowl when I drop the saddle blanket on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Her dark eyes narrow in the dim light.

Isn’t it obvious? “Making my bed.” “No.” She flips the quilt down and scoots away from the edge.

“April, I—”

“I said ‘no’. You can sleep here. Please?” She props herself on her elbow, then pats the sheet next to her.

This is a first. I can’t recall ever having a woman beg me to crawl in bed with them.

“You win, I won’t argue.” I hold up my palm in surrender, then slide in next to her, staying firmly on my back with my arms at my sides.

She shifts to drape her wrist across my chest, and nestles her lips against my shoulder. “See? It’s almost comfy, if you weren’t lying there like you really do have something shoved up your ass.” The bed jiggles with her silent laughter.

My side feels like it’s burning when she drapes her knee over my thigh, framing my knuckles against the “V” of her legs.

Fuck. She’s killing me.

I can’t breathe. If I move, I’ll rub the one place I shouldn’t.

And now that’s all I can think about.

With a groan, I pull my arm up and turn to her. Fine, if this is what she wants, I’ll hold her, but on my terms.

Facing her, I loop my elbow under her head and pull her tight, burying her face against my throat.

I don’t relent when she tries to wedge her knee between mine.

“Ford?” she mumbles into the hollow beneath my Adam’s apple. “I’m suffocating.”

“You’re like wrestling an octopus,” I grunt, freeing her to lie on her back.

Her wiggling makes my cock snug against my zipper, my lifesaver at the moment.

“Is it wrong I just want to touch you?” She turns on my arm, her face hidden in my shadow from the light of the fire.

“No.” My voice sounds like I’ve been eating rocks. “It’s just…you’re leaving tomorrow.” The piece of me that’s fought so hard against getting attached to her is in its death throes.

Because I don’t want her to go.

This feels too fucking right, but it ain’t fair to her.

Her fingers play over mine where they rest on her belly.

She has a quiver with every inhale that ripples through my arm.

I have to ignore it.

As she traces my jack-o-lantern, dancing her nail over my knuckles, my dick is a painful reminder of why this shouldn’t happen. Every stroke leaves a scorching trail.

Her short hair tickles my bicep when she moves again, pressing herself close enough to drape her leg over mine, spreading her thighs just inches from where my palm sits.

I hate how close I am to giving in to the urge to explore.

She’s been brutalized, and abandoned by her family.

I’m not taking advantage of her.

When her fingers move away, I hope it’s to fall asleep.

Even if it’s the last thing on my mind.

But when her fist balls into the fabric of her shirt, and pulls it out from between my hand and the skin of her belly, I know I’m going to be fighting this all night.

“Ford?” she asks shakily.

Maybe if I pretend to be almost out, she’ll give up? “Hmm?”

A tremor betrays her words. “Can you help me?” She puts pressure on my wrist, pushing me lower until my pinky brushes the hem of her waist.

“April, I—” All I want to do is taste her. Touch her. And make time stand still. “—I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know you won’t, I trust you.” She flattens my hand, threading it below the elastic. “I just want this one good memory to focus on while I’m going through hell out there.”

“You’re the toughest woman I know. Stick close to Black Gulch, they’ll keep you safe when I can’t.” That chokes me up.

Should I figure out some way to go back? But who would come out here?

No one. And the entire herd would be at risk.

Fuck.

I can just catch the flicker of her lashes blinking rapidly before I feel the droplet land on my arm.

Reflexively, I bend my elbow and pull her close, pressing my lips to her temple. There’s a war waging in me, one side wants to give in and keep her, the other knows that I’m not right for her.

But even the victors have lost a battle or two.

My next kiss lands lower, near the crease of her eye, and I get a taste of her salty tears.

That pulls a groan from deep in my chest. I don’t want her scared, not when she’s in my arms.

Her palm burns on my cheek as she tilts her chin, guiding me to her soft mouth.

Tentatively, I press tenderly, letting her knit her fingers into my hair, doing my best to tamp down the raging need throbbing in my loins.

Her nails rake over my scalp, stoking the intensity until my tongue drags along the seam of her lips.

With a small moan, she opens to me, and I get to dive back into the taste that has been lingering on my senses all day.

I could lose myself in her, and that’s terrifying.

Yet, exhilarating.

She doesn’t know it, but this is a memory I’ll always hold as well.

The heat of her exhale feathering down my jaw. The way she nibbles at my bottom lip every time I pause. Or the intoxicating rush of her hips gyrating against mine.

They pair well with the snapshot of her naked body just before her bath, strutting up to me without a care in the world.

For the man who never thought I’d feel a woman’s touch again, this is a moment I’ll cling to.

I’ve gone from avoiding contact, to wanting to feel every inch of her.

Her rapid pulse races beneath my lips when I trail gentle kisses down the arch of her throat.

My fever dream would be wrapping my fingers around it while I drive into her.

Not tonight.

This is about her. Her bravery is unequaled, giving her trust to me is a gift I don’t take lightly.

Her breath catches when I push further under the edge of her pants.

“I’ll go easy,” I whisper, then pull the dainty lobe of her ear between my teeth.

“There’s a part of me that doesn’t want soft and slow,” she pants as she rocks her pelvis and drops her calf behind my knees.

“I get it. We’ll save tearing you in two for another day.” One I hope I’ll get to see, though I doubt it.

Once she’s gone, I’ll probably never see her again.

With the lightest of caresses, I part her satin curls to find her already slick.

She gasps when I delve deeper, circling her swollen clit.

I want her to remember that patience and deliberate pleasure still exists.

Her lower lip glistens in the dim glow after she coats it with a glide of her tongue, enticing me to pull it back between my teeth.

“You tell me if it hurts, be honest with me,” I murmur into the hollow below her ear.

The calluses on my finger are ridges that ride over her sensitive pussy before the tip settles over her entrance. I wish it was the head of my aching cock, poised to thrust.

But I pause, waiting for her.

She nods, clutching my neck.

I don’t push in, instead continue the spiral of movements, drawing deeper gasps and causing her hips to jerk with every pass.

Her entire body begins to tremble.

I’m tempted to increase the rhythm. No, I know better.

She’s so close, the mewling whine she makes as her nails dig into my arm is telling me she’s moments from exploding for me.

I might do the same.

“Are you ready, frosty? Show me how beautiful you are when you shatter.” I pin her to my side, pushing my tongue into the sweet nethers of her mouth as the cry builds in her chest.

Then I fill her with my fingers, curling them to hit that spot that pulls the scream from her.

Her shudders lift her from the mattress, locking my hand deep inside her spasming muscles.

Even in the poor light, I can see the flush running up her cheeks and feel the tension in her grip until the waves fade and she collapses onto the bed.

I let my touch fall from her slick embrace, and tug the covers up over her heaving breasts.

Before I settle next to her, I can’t help but sample my damp digits, stealing a taste.

“Fuck, Ford,” she says breathlessly. “I had no idea. I mean, I did, but…damn.” A lazy smile turns her lips before she snuggles into me and tries to sneak her hand down to my jeans.

“Nope, tonight was all about you.” I grab her wrist, then fold it across her belly, tightening her against my body.

I’m used to my dick aching. Tonight won’t kill me to keep it in my pants.

But it would ruin her if I chased my own desires.