Page 121 of Ruin

“Then leave.” I say it before I think it through, but it’s been bothering me for months. Why does he stay and put up with this bullshit? What’s in it for him?

His eyes flash, bright with anger. “Why don’t you leave me?”

I give a dry laugh. “The real reason? I thought you were a nice guy. But I’m starting to get that my ability to judge people is a lot less accurate than I thought it was.”

His brow furrows, and he drags his gaze up and down my body. I’m suddenly very aware that I’m in a skimpy tank top and pajama shorts. It’s late, I should be in bed, and I feel like he’s thinking the same thing but with a different intent.

“You thought I was a nice guy. So you let me take care of you, cook for you, fix things around the house, and apparently fuck your face when your ex forces me to at gunpoint, but I’m not good enough to really be with you?” His voice is low, menacing, and he clenches his fists as he glares at me.

I shake my head. “I didn’t say that. I know I’m fucked up, Antonio, and I don’t know how to describe what this is between us.”

“Try.”

I take a deep breath and assess him for a minute. He’s angry, vibrating like he’s on the edge of losing his shit. I don’t think he wants to hear that I used him to make Tommy jealous. Racking my brain, I search for the diplomacy I so often counseled Tommy to take.

“I like you, Antonio. You’ve been in my life for a long time, and we’re friends. We’ve always been friends.”

“I don’t think a friend would let me take her on dates andthen fuck someone else, not once. Not twice. But three fucking times now. And in case I haven’t been clear, I don’t want to be your fucking friend.”

I nod. “I get that. But love—”

“Do not say that fucker’s name,” he growls, pinning me up against the counter and glaring down at me.

I press my hand to his chest, trying to get him to back up, but he doesn’t move.

“I wasn’t going to. But you asked why I don’t leave, so I’m telling you. I don’t leave you because I want to be in love with you. You’ve been a good friend to me, and I feel like I owe it to you to try.”

“Tommy’s gotten laid on our dates more than I have, Giovanna. Is that how you try?”

I open my mouth to speak, then close it. In some fucked up way, being with Antonio feels like the closest I can get to Tommy. They look a lot alike, they work together, Tommy knows him, and now I’ve fucked Tommy with him. Leaving Antonio would be like leaving Tommy all over again, and I’m not ready to do that.

Plus, leaving Antonio might make Tommy think he has the green light to pursue us again, which would put his life in danger with his father. I definitely can’t do that.

I start to speak and a sob comes out instead, choked and hollow. I take a drink of wine, wishing I could wash away the guilt and pain along with it.

“Giovanna, this is your last fucking chance. If you want me—me and only me—fucking let me know right now.” He grips my shoulders roughly and forces me close to him so that I have to tilt my head back to look at him.

“Why don’t you leave me?” I throw the words at him.Anything to stop him from trying to fuck me right here on the kitchen island.

His lips curl, bitter. “I can’t. Because Aurelio wants me with you, and so does your father. They want us to run Luminous & Co together. It’s the one fucking thing they agree on.”

The truth settles over me like dust: neither one of us is in this relationship for love. I nod once, empty. “So you never loved me. You were just doing your job.”

“No.” His tone is somber. “I did love you. I might have beeninlove with you at one point. But watching the woman you love get fucked by someone else over and over pretty much kills that. What did you expect, Giovanna? You can’t be mad about that.”

“I’m not,” I say, and I mean it. “I feel better, actually. All this time I thought I was the only asshole in this relationship, but you’re using me as much as I was using you.”

He studies me, his eyes searching my face. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I don’t think he finds it. He exhales sharply. “So what are we doing? Do we end this? Or do we try?”

He leans down, looking at my mouth, and one lock of hair falls over his eye. Just like Tommy. I bite my bottom lip as I reach up and twirl it around my finger, then tuck it behind his ear, just like I’ve done with Tommy a thousand times.

When I force myself to meet his gaze, I’m surprised by the shock I see there.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. “You picked me because I look like Tommy. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen you do that to him over the years. FUCK.”

He grabs the mostly full wine bottle from the counterbehind me and throws it past my head, exploding it against the tile wall behind me.

My whole body jolts, my heart hammering, but before I can move he’s on me. He grabs my arms, pinning them then crushes his mouth to mine, his teeth cutting my lip. I freeze as his mouth roams over my neck and chest, ripping at my shirt, pulling it down to expose my breasts.