Page 108 of Ruin

He nods slowly. “Okay, I’ll give you that. But a lot of time has passed. We’re not kids anymore. Even Tommy has moved on, and he never moves on from anything.”

I look at him sharply. “What do you mean?” I have a feeling I don’t want to know, but I can’t not know either.

“He’s got a girlfriend, I think. She’s a really fun person, nice, smart. I actually brought her to the New Year’s Eve party a few years back; we dated for a while. That Irish girl with the blonde hair, do you remember?”

I shake my head ‘no,’ bile rising in my throat. Tommy has a girlfriend? The idea of him kissing her, touching her, sleeping next to her—or inside her—sends a cold shudder through my body.

“Well, they’re together all the time, she calls him a lot. I mean, it’s not like he tells me details about his personal life, but she brought him a suit one day, she’s always with him. Just seems like a strong relationship. You’ll probably see her with him at the New Year’s Eve party next week.”

Fuck, the New Year’s Eve party. I had absolutely zero intention of going this year until Antonio told me aboutTommy’s girlfriend. As much as the idea of him with someone else crushes my soul, I have to see her, see them together, see for myself if he’s forgotten about me that easily.

I nod and force a smile. Antonio is watching me closely, and I give him my best fake laugh. “Don’t look at me like that! It’s fine. I’m glad he’s happy.” The orchid scar on my inner thigh burns.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

I’m still thinking about Tommy, grieving Tommy, and I answer too quickly.

“No.”

If I had taken time to think it through, I would have said ‘yes’ in order to avoid the question that follows quickly on its heels.

“Good. Because I was going to ask you something,” he says, his voice softening.

I meet his eyes in dread. “What?”

“Come with me to the New Year’s Eve party this year.” He clears his throat. “As my date.”

The word ‘date’ lands like a rock between us, and I just stare at him for a moment. I shake my head, opening my mouth to refuse, but he leans forward, elbows on his knees, suddenly serious.

“Look, Gigi. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. This isn’t about getting revenge on Tommy, not for what happened with you or for going out with my ex. She was nothing to me, a stand-in for who I really wanted.” His gaze lingers heavily on me, the implication clear.

He wanted me then, but does he still want me now? Because even though I know I won’t be sneaking off with Tommy to fuck in the bathroom this time, my heart is still 100percent taken.

“Think of it as a way to right old wrongs. We get a do-over. You and I go out on a real date on New Year’s Eve like we did all those years ago and start over from where it went wrong. If you play your cards right, I might even let you kiss me at midnight.”

He holds his hands up, his eyebrows raised in mock seriousness. “I said ‘might.’ Don’t get your hopes up.”

I laugh and take a sip of my wine.

“So you’ll go with me?”

I hesitate. Going to this party alone now that I know that Tommy will be with a date and my father will be watching me like a hawk sounds vulnerable. With Antonio at my side, I’ll have armor, a shield, even if it’s just borrowed for the night.

I nod. “Yes.”

His grin explodes across his face, and that lock of hair falls over one eye. “Fuck yes! Fucking awesome. Okay, so tell me what you’re wearing so I can match you.”

I wince, the memory of Tommy losing the tie that matched mine the night we broke up popping up unbidden. I force a smile and another fake laugh. “I don’t know what I’m wearing yet. Just wear something neutral. It’ll be fine.”

He nods and does a spontaneous spin in the living room as I watch him. My feelings must be evident on my face despite my attempt to cover, because he stops celebrating and crouches down in front of where I’m sitting on the couch.

“Hey. We’ll have fun, Gigi. No pressure. We’ll hit the party, make an appearance and stay till midnight, and if you want to leave after that, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, okay?”

I nod as he smiles at me then pats my leg. For a second, I almost believe he could be a Tommy placebo. Not the real thing, of course, no one could ever be like Tommy, but real enough to get me through New Year’s Eve, through confirming that Tommy has moved on, without shattering.

48

Tommy: New Year’s Eve, 6 Years Ago