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CHAPTER FIVE

IF YOU ONLY KNEW

ELLE

Now

I shake my head, trying my best to yank myself out of the past. All this talk about pacts is messing with me.

“That’s the thing about pacts. You don’t go back on them.”

Rhodes fights back a smile and levels me with those eyes. I’ve been a sucker for those eyes since the night we met.

And the dimples. We can’t forget the dimples.

His lips demand attention, the fullness so alluring I have a hard time not staring at them.

His skin is like topaz kissed by the sun, and his eyes, they’re the prettiest hazel, constantly changing from a light amber to touches of green. The best part is how they’re always smiling at me, even when his lips haven’t gotten there yet.

His curls can be unruly at times, and I love it.

His shoulders are so broad, absolutely perfect for the best hugs.

It should be illegal to be as hot as he is.

But I’m not the only woman in the world who feels that way about Rhodes Archer. He was a hot commodity in college, but that’s nothing compared to now.

“Elle,” he says softly, his raspy voice reminding me of the things he said the night we kissed. His voice oozed sex and made my body feel like I was trying to run underwater. “We can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You felt something too. I didn’t dream that up.”

I shiver and smile big at Levi when he walks over and wraps his arms around my legs. “Hey, little man. Do you need a snack?”

He nods, and I pick him up, taking him to my pantry and opening the door wide. The snacks I’ve always kept for him are on a shelf that he can reach and I set him down, smiling as he hurries toward them.

“You still have his snacks even though we’re not supposed to be here right now?” Rhodes asks.

I turn and he’s right there , so close my chest brushes against his. He looks amused when I back into the pantry, away from him.

“I keep them in my purse too, just in case I get to see him somewhere. The blessing and curse of living in a small town…I run into you guys everywhere and I’m supposed to be staying far, far away.” I sound way too breathless when I’m aiming for nonchalant, and Rhodes doesn’t miss a thing.

He leans his arms up on either side of the doorway, looking me over, and my breathing halts. Yes, there have been plenty of times I’ve fought an attraction for my best friend, but I’ve managed to keep the boundaries resolutely in place.

Every time you’ve almost wavered, something or someone has prevented anything from happening , I remind myself. Call it divine intervention or poor luck, I have learned from this and now know better than to mess with what we have.

Because Rhodes is truly the best friend I’ve ever had, and I cannot lose him.

Our kiss was other-worldly good. I doubt I’ll ever have another kiss like it in my life. And the other things we did…I relive them in my head multiple times a day.

Still, I cannot be moved on this.

I love him too much to wreck us.

“You can always come to my place, you know,” he says. “It’s private. No one will see you but the guards, and I trust them.”

“I do need to see Levi more…”

“Not me?”

I groan and roll my eyes, but he knows I’m struggling not to laugh at the fool. “I’m thirty-one, Rhodes. I might not even make the team next year, but I want to try. And the season’s almost over… ”

“With the way we’re playing, the season might be over sooner than later for us anyway. I can hang in there for a while.”

“You guys will get your mojo back. I heard Henley is working with the wide receiver—what’s his name? Cal? And that he’ll be around for more practices too. Maybe that will help the morale of the team to have Henley there.”

He nods. “Yeah, I think it will. We were all shaken up pretty badly to lose him and now we’re just shaken up, period, from all this losing.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there for you right now like you need me to be.” I point past him and he moves out of the way as Levi and I leave the pantry.

Rhodes wraps his hand around my arm before I’m out of range and I slowly exhale, as his thumb rubs softly over my skin.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I haven’t been as supportive of you as I should’ve been. I love that you made the team.” He smiles and his head dips a little closer. “I just don’t like not seeing you, but I’ll try not to be so selfish.”

“Maybe it’s for the best that we’re not together so much right now.” I lift my shoulder and he frowns.

“That’s never gonna be for the best,” he says.

He lets my arm go and slides his hand over the back of his neck. I loved his curls back in the day, and he still has them, but now his hair is shorter on the sides. This look sharpens his features and somehow makes his eyes and full lips stand out even more.

Levi finishes his snack and takes off down the hall. I panic, hoping he won’t go into my office. They haven’t been here since I set everything up, and I thought with us trying to maintain distance, they wouldn’t be over here until the season was over…and I could hide everything by then .

“I really have to…cut this visit short, I’m afraid,” I tell Rhodes.

He looks hurt, but he nods and starts after Levi.

“I can get him!” I rush past him and Levi thinks we’re playing a game.

He starts running and I chase him back into the living room. I swing him up in my arms when I catch him and kiss his neck until he’s cackling.

“Don’t you grow before I see you again, okay?” I say, kissing Levi’s face.

“I gwow, I gwow,” he cries, cracking up.

“Okay, you grow and grow and then you can carry me around,” I tell him.

He frowns and shakes his head. “No, you cawwy me awound,” he says.

I smile happily and kiss his forehead. “Okay, it’s a deal. I’ll carry you around as long as possible and I’ll love you forever.”

“I love you like booty loves cake!” Levi says.

I lose it at that and so does Rhodes.

“Still on the booty, I see.” I set Levi down, still laughing.

“The boy knows what he likes and it is a stellar word…booty.”

Levi laughs now, just hearing the word. He’s been on a booty kick for a while now. He just loves the word and works it into random conversations.

“The other day I walked by and he was just singing, “Booty, booty, booty,” softly as he played,” Rhodes says, chuckling. He swings him up into his arms. “Tell Elle bye-bye.”

Levi’s face curls up and he starts to cry. My own eyes fill almost every time he cries. I can’t stand to see this little guy cry. Ever.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I lean in and kiss his face and when I back up, I meet Rhodes’ eyes. “Yeah, I can’t go without seeing him. We just have to be really careful, okay? I’ll come to you.”

“I’ll do whatever you say,” he says. “And if we have to wait to see you, we will. Levi will be okay.”

“I don’t want to miss out on him and whatever new phrases he starts coming up with,” I say.

I glance out the window and don’t see anyone out there, but I’m regretting cutting our time short. I miss them already.

“You let us know,” Rhodes says. “And it’s not like we can’t FaceTime.”

I smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He leans against the door. “You’re my plus one for Bree and Alex’s wedding this weekend. What are we gonna do about that?”

I make a face. “Can you take someone else?”

“Really?”

I groan. “How about I call Bree and ask her if she thinks anyone would leak that we’re there together…or I could try to get permission to go. I’d feel better about that. I’ll talk to Lisa tomorrow and see what she says.”

His jaw clenches, but he nods. “Okay. Keep me posted.”

When he leaves, I sag against the door and feel the sad quietness in the room without Rhodes and Levi.

I feel like the biggest fraud there is.

I’ve kept secrets for a long time and it feels like they’re starting to catch up with me.

Sometimes I can’t believe that I’m cheering again. I’ve loved being part of the Colorado Mustang Cheerleaders this season, but at thirty-one, all the restrictions can be hard to take .

In a lot of ways, it’s like putting on a familiar sweater.

My dad is the pastor of Silver Hills Community Church and the list of rules I grew up with as a PK—pastor’s kid—are similar to the rules I have to follow as a cheerleader for a pro team.

No gum in church/no gum in public.

Modest attire/respect the dress code even when off-duty.

Always look your best/Look impeccable at all times.

No tattoos/Conceal any tattoos you may have.

No swearing/No swearing.

I know how to toe the line.

But if everyone knew the latest secret I'm keeping, I’m sure I’d get fired from my job, and my parents would be mortified. My friends would probably get the biggest kick out of it and be so proud of me for doing something like this, because it's so out of character for me.

I feel like the biggest hypocrite.

I’ve always done things my parents wouldn’t approve of and excused not telling them because I’m an adult and I don’t want to disappoint them. But for the past ten months, I’ve been leading a double life, and I'm exhausted from it.

I walk back to the office I was hoping Levi and Rhodes wouldn’t see, where books line the walls, mostly of one title: It Was Always You .

The book that I wrote.

Once I’ve signed into my computer, I pull up the dashboard to see how much my book has earned today. I can't stop the grin that takes over my face when I see the crazy amount that's in there.

You’re doing it, Elle.

I still can’t believe this is happening to me. I squeal as I check the rankings on Amazon and see that my book is still in the top 100.

I’ve worked at a chiropractic office for years, and I still do occasionally. Once I knew I’d made the team, I cut down on my hours at Estevez Chiropractic Care. I’ll probably need to give this job up soon with the way the book has taken off and how busy I am with the team, but I love the people. In the past, I loved how busy it was, and I needed an excuse for how I was able to afford this condo, because no one would believe that I could afford it on a cheerleader's salary. We make so little compared to the time we put into it.

No one has any idea that I've been writing for a long time, and after I decided on a pen name—Zoey Archer…I know, I know…just another reason for me to be ashamed of myself, using Rhodes’ last name—I started to seriously consider putting it out there. I’ve always thought the name Archer sounded so distinguished, and it was my way of giving my bestie a little secret shout-out. I had no idea anything would ever come of any of this, but wow, has it ever.

I finally had the nerve to put my book up for sale online ten months ago, and it… exploded . I did a few anonymous TikToks like I’d seen on Booktok, and while mine didn’t go viral, several booktokers who saw it posted about my book when they read it, and theirs went viral. Within days, my book sales skyrocketed.Foreign and domestic publishers have messaged me about acquiring rights and I recently sold the audio rights. I should be getting the final files back any day. I can’t wait to tap into a new audience who loves audiobooks.

I’ve also acquired an agent, Rosie, and it’s a whole different experience with her on board as my second book gets ready to drop. I have a PR team and the whole works.

It's been the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. I get emails all the time from readers who love my book, and I’m still pinching myself. I can’t believe they’re reading my words!

The success of my book is what gave me the courage to go ahead and try out for the team. I’d wanted to for so long, but I didn’t want to upset my parents by wearing the skimpy outfits and dancing provocatively in front of millions of people. They don’t love it and haven’t made any secret of that.

But I would die if my parents ever found out about my book.

They would be mortified that their daughter is writing romance…and not clean romance either. My sex scenes have been so spicy, the chili peppers reviewers give to specify steam levels keep growing.

I had to get the steam out somewhere…my ex-boyfriend Bernard sure wasn’t enough of an outlet.

Writing about Ryder and Eliza going from friends to lovers helped me school my lusty thoughts into a healthy…and profitable…outlet.

Because that’s the secret that I’m most terrified of exposing…

I’m in love with my best friend.

And I have been for a long, long time.