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CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

YOUR CUES

ELLE

Now

“Are you sure they’re really okay with having us?” Rhodes asks. “Levi and I can stay home while you go to your parents’ house.”

“They invited you, yes. And if you’d rather stay here, I’ll stay here too.”

“No, I don’t want you to miss being with your parents. I just don't wanna, you know, push this more than you want…the whole fake-dating scenario with your parents,” he says.

He put fake dating in quotations, so I do the same, mimicking him.

“Rhodes, even if we weren’t fake dating, I’d still want you to come to dinner with my parents on Christmas Eve. Usually your parents are here by now and we’re trying to spend as much time together as we can. Why would this year be any different?”

He moves my bra strap over and places a kiss on my shoulder. “I’d say things are a lot different this year. I’m just trying to read your cues, see what you really want me to do.”

“I really want you with me,” I tell him.

“I’m there,” he says, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “And I want to spend tomorrow with you too.”

“Perfect.”

We smile at each other in the mirror.

“Forever, if you’ll have me,” he adds softly.

My mouth drops and he nods like he knows he’s made me lose my words.

“You heard me right,” he says, but he goes on then like he hasn’t just floored me. “There’s been a loose plan for everyone to come here tomorrow night after they’re done with presents, remember?” he asks. “A few weeks ago I thought you wouldn’t be here.”

“I’ll be here,” I say, giving him a wobbly smile.

He leans over and kisses my shoulder again. “Nothing could make me happier. You should invite Calista and Javi…they’re the only ones I haven’t reminded.”

“Okay, I will.”

We’re getting ready in his bathroom in front of the dual sinks. He already pounded into me in the shower earlier, but watching him smooth aftershave onto his cheeks, with nothing but a towel around his waist, I’m ready for another round.

I try to squash down my insatiable need for him. If we’re going to make it to my parents’ in time, we need to hurry.

“Did you ever hear from your parents?” I ask.

“No, their flight was canceled and it’s not looking good,” he says. “So many flights were delayed. It’s looking like they might not make it for Christmas.”

We head over to my parents’ house. When we walk in, Rhodes is holding Levi and has his fingers threaded through mine. Levi smiles shyly at my parents. He knows them, but not enough to run into their arms right away. By the time we finish eating, he’ll be warmed up and ready for that. We sit down at the table and things are a little awkward at first, but my parents are trying and I’m grateful for that.

“Dad and I thought maybe you guys could go to church with us after this,” Mom says, piling mashed potatoes on my plate.

“What time does it start? Hasn’t it been really late the past few years?”

“We made it earlier this year so everyone can spend time with their families.”

“I don’t know,” I say, looking at Rhodes. “Technically, I’m not supposed to be with Rhodes because of being on the team.” I thought I’d told my parents that already, but maybe I haven’t.

“Well, that certainly hasn’t stopped you,” my mom says sharply. “I think it would be good to go to church if you’re serious about being together. What better way to start this than being with family and community in church on Christmas Eve?”

I look at Rhodes and I can tell he’s not loving this conversation, but he smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

“I’ll do whatever you want to do, Elle love,” he says.

My cheeks flush, hearing him call me that in front of my parents, but I kind of love it.

I square my shoulders. “Okay, we’ll go. It’s not a long service, so we’ll still get back in time to have hot chocolate with Levi and get everything ready after he goes to bed.”

My dad takes a bite of food and says, “Great. It’ll be really nice having you there. Bernard says his aunt is coming in and I know she’d love to see you.”

I set my fork down. “I really wish you would stop inserting Bernard into the conversation where I’m concerned. I have no desire to be with Bernard…or hear about him or talk to him...”

My dad holds his hand up. “Well, I don’t see why you can’t still be friendly.”

“I’m not going to be hateful to anyone. But I can’t be too friendly because the two of you… and Bernard keep trying to push us together.” I glance at Rhodes. “Bernard called on my way home from work asking if we could see each other sometime over the holiday. I said no.”

His jaw tightens and he nods slightly.

I look at my parents. “I don’t know how to make it any clearer…I don’t want to be with Bernard. Ever. Besides the fact that I don’t have feelings for him, he has a serious P-O-R-N,” I spell out for Levi’s sake, “addiction that’s keeping him from having a normal S-E-X-U-A-L relationship, and that’s just not something I would wish on any woman…not unti l he’s ready to deal with that. But even if he did work on that, I wouldn’t want to be with him.”

I can feel Rhodes’ stunned reaction and my parents both stare at me in shock.

“S-E-X shouldn’t have been on the table yet anyway, with the two of you not married, but uh…we…we didn’t know that,” my mom says.

“Yeah, there’s a lot about Bernard you don’t know. I haven’t wanted to be the one to tell you, but I wish you would just trust me when I say, we’re not the right fit. And all of this is a moot point anyway because I’m with Rhodes now. We do fit. And most importantly, we’re happy.”

I smile at Rhodes and he leans over and kisses my cheek.

“Yes, we are,” he says.

My mom nods slowly. My dad clears his throat and we eat.

I’m grateful my dad doesn’t say anything about me forgiving Bernard. I forgave him a long time ago, not just about the porn and lack of attention when it came to the bedroom, but for the way he tried to control what I wore and how I acted. The way he continuously put me down. He never once asked for my forgiveness. I don’t owe him another thing.

“Did you know that Levi knows all the words to ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?’” I ask.

Levi’s eyes light up. “I know that song!”

“Oh, I would love to hear that,” my mom says.

“How about as soon as we’re done eating?” Rhodes says. “That way, the whole table won’t also experience Levi’s mashed potatoes.”

We all laugh and some of the tension eases.

We walk into the church just minutes before the service is about to start. We sit a few rows from the back. My mom wanted us to sit up front with her, but I didn’t want to be quite that conspicuous. Too bad we couldn’t wear the disguises tonight.

The sanctuary is full. The trees are lit with white lights and it’s beautiful. A few people wave when they see me and stare at Rhodes in awe. He’s been here many times over the years and it’s always a big deal when he comes. We sing Christmas songs and a few passages of scripture are read. Levi loves the music. When it’s over, we say hello to a few people. I find my mom and we all hug her.

“Thank you for coming,” she says.

“We enjoyed it,” Rhodes says. “Thanks for dinner too.”

“Of course. It was lovely having you and this sweet little boy.” She smiles at Levi and then looks at me. “It won’t be the same not having you for Christmas Day.”

“You should come by the house tomorrow night,” Rhodes says.

He looks at me and I nod.

“We’ll just be hanging out, eating. Some of my teammates and their girlfriends will be there.”

“Maybe we will,” my mom says.

It feels like a step in the right direction.

I see Bernard from across the church and turn away. I don’t need another confrontation today. I want to get home and spend the rest of Christmas Eve with Rhodes and Levi.