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CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

AUTHOR NERD

ELLE

Now

The house feels too big and too empty with Rhodes and Levi gone.

I had a little trouble falling asleep last night, but being so tired from the past few nights with Rhodes, the exhaustion finally caught up with me.

When I drag myself out of bed Sunday morning, I stumble to the kitchen in need of coffee and stand there in a daze until the caffeine kicks in.

As much as I miss the boys, it’s actually good that I have this day to catch up on work. I am so behind on my book and email and all the other things that I can't believe authors have to do every day. I had no idea so much work was required beyond the fun part, writing.

Once I’ve showered, my head is clearer and I start tackling my to-do list and email. My desktop still needs to be set up, so I read a few emails from my phone and delete a lot of the spam taking up my inbox. I’m one of those people who can’t handle seeing a high number waiting for me, so when I see how many I have to go through after neglecting it for a few days, I’m daunted.

I realize I never answered Calista's email to Zoey Archer. Sorry, bestie.

Hello, Calista!

Thank you so much for your message. I could feel your love for the characters in every word you wrote, and it meant the world to me. I still can’t believe people are reading my stories and loving them.

Your shop and town sounds like an absolute dream. Unfortunately, I am not doing any in-person signings, but thank you so much for the invitation. I would be happy to send signed copies of It Was Always You, as well as my upcoming book, if you'd like.

Sincerely,

Zoey Arche r

I send it off, relieved that that's taken care of and laugh to myself. What are the chances my best friend would be obsessed with my book? This career has surpassed my dreams.

Before I do another thing, I decide to get some sort of office set up. If I’m going to stay here for any length of time…which, now that I'm here, I have to admit it’s pretty blissful, I’m going to need a place to work. I walk into the room Rhodes put my desk in and see that he has already set up my computer. That guy. He really does take good care of me and always has.

The stack of boxes looms and I don't exactly know what to do with them. Maybe I'll rent a space to keep the books and all the shipping supplies and swag. That’s the only solution I can think of, but for now, I finish up with email and get to work writing. The sex scenes come easily now that I have first-hand experience with Rhodes. I lose a few hours in my dream world and then watch the game. My parents had asked me to come watch the game with them, but I’m not quite ready to be jarred out of my dream state yet. I told them I’m catching up after a crazy week and won’t be able to come over today. I’ll be with them this week…which reminds me that Rhodes and I haven’t really talked about what we’re doing for Christmas Eve and Christmas yet.

It isn’t lost on me that I went from telling Rhodes maybe it was a good thing for us to spend time apart because of my job and what happened before Friendsgiving…to moving into his house and sleeping with him.

God, am I ruining everything? Will this last? What if it doesn’t, and I lose him? That’s my worst fear. I know he loves me and we’re having so much fun, but I’m just not sure if he can be happy settling down with me. He’s been out with actresses and models, for crying out loud. And similarly to the way I feel about actors and musicians, being a professional football player isn’t the easiest career to sustain a monogamous relationship. My body does an anxious jolt and I try to reel in all the thoughts before I spiral. I’ve done a fairly good job of not having a meltdown over what I’m really doing here. I’d like to keep it that way.

I set up a wrapping station in front of Rhodes’ TV in the living room and wrap a ton of presents while watching the game. The way the guys play and having something to do with my hands helps keep my mounting fears somewhat at bay. The Mustangs are back. They’re ahead by fourteen toward the end of the fourth quarter and get another touchdown. I yell in the empty house and it’s loud.

My phone buzzes and I grab it.

Calista

I need to see you. STAT.

Are you okay?

Calista

Where are you?

Okay, you’re freaking me out. I’m at Rhodes’ house. Are you at the bookstore or home? Should I come over?

Calista

I’m closing up soon. Meet me at the shop?

I’ll be right there.

I listen to the end of the game on the drive to Twinkle Tales, pounding my fist on the steering wheel when they make one last touchdown before it’s over. When I park the car, I shoot Rhodes a quick text.

Best game I’ve seen in a long time. XO

I tuck my phone into my purse and get out of the car. I want to say so much more to Rhodes.

I miss you. You looked so hot today. I can’t wait to see you. Wake me up when you get home.

But I’m still in a bit of panic mode after too much time alone with my thoughts. And I need to get to Calista.

I walk into the bookstore and the look on her face has me rushing toward her. She is not smiling at all. She stares at me as I move in front of her and put my hands on her arms.

“Calista, what happened?”

She reaches over and grabs her phone and sets it on the counter, pointing at the screen.

I move toward it and pick it up. My mouth parts and I gasp. It’s the message I sent back earlier. She points at the email address it came from at the top. My personal iCloud email. Noooo.

My eyes flick to her and she stands there with her hands on her hips.

“Care to explain why your email address is at the top of this message from Zoey Archer?”

“I—Calista?—”

“Are you Zoey Archer?”

I swallow hard and feel the blood rush from my face before I nod slowly.

Her eyes narrow. “I want to be mad at you for all the times I gushed over this book. We even talked about the Rhodes and Elle vibes it was giving us and you never said a word! I can’t believe you! How could you not tell me?”

“I know and I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to keep it from you. I just thought it was the best way to…I never wanted my parents or anyone to find out it was me. You’re the only one who knows.”

“Girl. I am so fucking proud of you,” she yells.

I jump, caught so completely off-guard.

She wraps her arms around me and dances me all over the shop. We’re both laughing by the time I stop stumbling and catch up with her. I’m winded when we stop and lean against the counter, catching our breath. She looks at me and every time she starts to say something, she laughs. It happens so much that we laugh until tears are rolling down our faces.

“It was right there in front of me,” she wheezes. “Ryder and Eliza.”

I wipe my face. “I didn’t think anyone would ever read my book and it’s just?—”

“Exploded,” she finishes.

“Yeah. It’s been so unbelievable, Calista. I pinch myself every day. But,” I look at her, eyes huge, “I had no idea this would happen. Can you imagine if my parents found out?”

She shoots me a look. “No, I cannot. But…” She nudges me with her shoulder. “What if they did? What’s the worst that could happen? You’re an adult, Elle. You’ve branched out this year, cheering for the Mustangs when you knew they wouldn’t approve. Maybe it’s time you step into this and shine.”

“I couldn’t. For one thing, I don’t know if I’d be able to write the same way, knowing they could be reading. Not just them, but all the people at church.”

She laughs. “I’m just remembering all the people from church I’ve seen buying your book. The McDonald twins cannot stop talking about it.”

I clasp my heart. “They’re seventeen .” I put my head in my hands and groan. “No. See? I can’t do it. This is a small town and I’m already stoking the fire with going out scantily clad and dancing my booty off. My parents would be so ashamed.”

“Then let them be ashamed. That’s on them, not you. You’ve written a beautiful book. Your parents should be so proud. I’m so proud.” She hugs me again. “So, so proud.” Then she pokes me in the side and I startle, too ticklish. “I still can’t believe you let me go on and on about this book and never said a word.”

“I’m so glad you’re not mad at me. I was ready to do penance forever after that look on your face.”

“Oh, you’re still not off the hook, Miss Zoey Archer.” She laughs. “You are so talented, Elle. Like, I’m seriously in awe of your words.” Her face softens. “And girl, you have got it so bad for Rhodes. I mean, I knew , even though you tried to deny it all this time…can we just talk about the way you think you have to hide anything from me? Do you not know that I am on your side no matter what? So are Sadie and Tru, for that matter. We love you.”

My lips tremble and the tears are falling again. “I think I’ve been conditioned to hide. For a long time there was also the conflict with what do I really believe? But once I got peace about that, there were all of the external concerns. All the rules, all the fear, all the hoping that I don’t hurt anyone or disappoint anyone…or send them running. Now, even the things that I don’t want to hide are hard to let out.”

“It’s not easy being a pastor’s kid. You’ve had so much pressure on you your whole life. Growing up, you lived in a fishbowl.”

“I want to be honest,” I say. “I don’t like duping everyone or being anything less than authentic.”

“You’re the most authentic person I know, even with all your secrets,” she adds .

“You and Rhodes know me better than anyone…”

“And we’re not going anywhere,” she says. She leans in, her hands on my shoulders. “Start by telling Rhodes how you really feel. None of this fake dating bullshit. Tell him about Zoey Archer, so you don’t have to carry that alone anymore. And please, please, tell Sadie and Tru…and Stephanie! Their lives will be complete like mine is, knowing it’s you who wrote our favorite book.”

I groan. “I don’t know. My life feels like a Jenga game just as everything is about to topple over.”

“So get ahead of it. Do like my aunt says and take your life by the horns and drive that ship.”

“Ahh, mixing the idioms. I like it.”

“You are such a writer nerd. An author nerd. I freaking love it.” Calista laughs and I’m able to smile back as I wipe the rest of the tears from my face.

“I wish I was a brave author nerd and could tell Rhodes I’ve always been in love with him, but I’m not there yet.”

“Well, I’ll be here if the blocks start to crumble.”

I hug her again and take a deep breath. “I have a feeling I will need to collect on that.” I pull back and tell her I love her, just as my phone buzzes.

Calista hands it to me and I hear her laugh and mutter, “You’ve got it so bad,” as I read the text.

Rhodes

I can’t wait to get home to you, Elle love.