Page 161 of Reaper

However, I know I’m not the only one nervous. We’re both terrified, especially Anthony, that Julie will still continue to prevent him from seeing Chris even though he’ll technically be an adult in a couple of days.

Miracle comes over and takes a hold of my arm, tugging me out from under Anthony’s arm. He growls playful to which she just laughs and tucks her arm in mine. She gives me an apologetic smile as she leans in close to whisper in my ear.

“I told Mae and the other ladies that you normally don’t like surprises like this, but after everything you did for Mae and Levi yesterday and today, they all insisted on doing something special for your birthday.”

Tears prick my eyes at what could have happened when those assholes attacked us yesterday. If anything had happened to any of them, but especially Levi, Mae, and their babies, I’d have found a way to get the survivors into a shed or something so that I could torture them until they took their last breaths.

“And that’s why we love you,” Mae says as she comes up by me and wraps an arm around my waist.

I blink over at her, confused. Did I say something out loud? “Huh?”

She chuckles darkly, and for a split second, I see the dark side in Mae again. Reaper told me about her dealing with some of her demons herself, but until now, she’s been like a ray of sunshine.

She shrugs and her hand squeezes my hip. “I could tell what you were thinking by the look that came over you. You’re one of us, Hun, and until someone has lived this life, others don’t know the extremes that we will go to to protect our family.”

Mae pauses as she turns to fully face me, her face serious.

“I knew you were that kind of woman when Reaper first told me about you. Even more so after talking with you and then finally meeting you in person. What cemented that and your place in this family was what you did yesterday. You immediately leapt into action. I know Levi normally would have been the one to take the lead, but she’s due any day now and I saw her struggling to get off the floor after you got her down and covered her. I was too stunned by the pain and my eyeswere glued to where the bullet landed in that table to move until Nikki got me down on the ground. Then when we were in the panic room, Levi told me what she thought you were going to do before handing me one of the communication devices. Hearing everything you did to protect us; there’s no way I can thank you enough. I know in the near future I won’t be able to help very much—and the same goes for Levi—but if you ever need us, we’ll be there. We protect our own.”

My eyes sting even more and I step forward, wrapping Mae in a hug. “You never have to thank me for protecting you or anyone else for that matter. Like you said, we’re family and family protects their own.”

“Couldn’t have said that better myself,” Levi says as she walks up to us, and I see a very familiar bag hanging off her shoulder. “Now, before we start the festivities, Lark told me you might want this, Miracle.”

Miracle blinks in confusion as Levi hands her the backpack and Mary and Mama Astrid step up to join us. She opens it up and understanding dawns on her when she sees a couple of black and blue journals inside with a pack of multi-colored pens inside.

“This is…” she starts as her voice trails off and all of us nod.

“I started using journals like those after I was kidnapped a month before my sixteenth birthday,” Levi starts and when she pauses for a moment, a variety of emotions flit across her face. “I used the blue journal for my everyday journal to track how I was feeling and to just get my thoughts down on paper. On really bad days, I’d make a note in the blue journal in red or black ink saying that I used the black journal that day. The black journal is where I wrote out everything I wanted to do to the people that kidnapped my mom and me. Periodically, I’d burn the black journal pages. I’d tear them up into little pieces, ball them upand then watch them turn to ash. Once I thought I was in a good place mentally, I burned the blue journal pages as well.”

“We’ve all used the journals at some point,” Mary says as she gestures to the bag. “It really does help exorcise your demons as we like to say.”

“Sometimes, when we know one of us is going through a rough patch, we’ll all get out our journals and sit at the table as we all write. Kind of a silent group therapy. Then we go out back to burn the pages we had just written,” Mama Astrid continues.

Levi nods and then gestures at all of us. “Our scars do not define us. They can be physical, mental, emotional, or all of the above. Regardless of what type of scars they are, they are a sign that you have been through the unthinkable and have come out on the other side stronger than before. A survivor. Those scars are your badges of bravery. Even if you didn’t feel very brave at the time. You didn’t break and nothing will ever be able to break you. While you aren’t an Old Lady,” she pauses as she smirks and I join in since I’m pretty damn sure she will be before long, “you are a Steel Archangel because you are family. Like the men, we are as strong as steel. Our club, our family, does not bend to the enemy. Our club does not break—our bonds with our brothers and sisters make sure of that. Your scars do not own you. You own them. Wear those scars with pride.”

Emotions flit across Miracle’s face, and I do my best to tamp down my rage at what Grant, her ex-boyfriend, has put her through. I know he’s hit her before, but other than that, I don’t know what else he’s done to her. Physically I mean. As for mentally, I know he was abusive that way. He’s tried to manipulate her, multiple times, and as a result, she’s lost some of her confidence. I just hope this will help her with regaining those missing pieces.

She swallows thickly and then looks at each one of us in turn before smiling. Reaching over, I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. She squeezes back, tightly, and nods.

“Thank you.” Miracle opens her mouth a few more times, but nothing comes out.

I catch Levi’s eye and tilt my head. She dips her chin and links her arm through Mary’s as she turns toward the kitchen.

“How about we go get the cake ready, ladies? I’m sure the kiddos are chomping at the bit to get into all that sugar.”

She leads them all away as they laugh and nod in agreement and I steer Miracle over to a corner away from prying eyes and ears.

“You okay?” I ask her and she absently nods as she stares at Levi’s retreating back.

“How…” she starts and I give her a small smile when her voice trails off.

“I don’t know how she does it, but somehow, Levi can read all of us pretty damn well. Earlier I pulled her aside to ask her if she had any extra journals and pens. She did and said she’d bring them over later today. I had no idea she meant during this,” I say as I gesture around at the decorated living room and kitchen, “but she’s right though. Every one of us ladies, and even some of the men, have used the journals and they’ve helped every one of us.”

“Reaper?” she asks and I nod.

“Yeah, but he also said that Thor, Dragon, Smoke, Sasha, Lex, and Ethan have used them too. There may be more that use them privately. I know Mary suggested having some available for the bunnies to use, but I don’t know if any have taken her up on them. I don’t think any of the ones in Junction Creek have.”

A little tension visibly bleeds out of her shoulders as she looks around the room before she finally gives me a small nod, her fingers gripping the bag so tightly that her knuckles turn white.Not for the first time, I really wonder what the fuck Grant did to my bestie.