Page 93 of Racing Dirty Trilogy Box Set

Nolan

I follow Xavier up the stairs quickly and find him in the bathroom of one bedroom, throwing up everything he ate. I wait at the open doorway for him to finish. Tears are flowing down his cheeks and snot is running down his nose. He wipes his face with toilet paper and flushes the toilet.

“God, I feel like such a fucking pansy,” Xavier grumbles. He washes his hands and splashes chilly water on his face. “I failed her,” he whispers, resting his hands on the sink and lowers his head.

“X, you didn’t fail her. If anything, this is my fault. I’m the one who should be shouldering the blame, not you.”

“You don’t get it,” he digs his fingers into the marble sink.

“I failed to protect her. They just swooped right in and took us and the torture they inflicted on us, I couldn’t stop it.

I tried, and I failed.” Xavier takes a deep, shuddering breath and I walk into the bathroom. I lean against the counter, facing him.

“X listen to me.” His eyes finally reach mine and I continue.

“This isn’t your fault and you didn’t fail her.

If you believe you did, then now is the time to help.

We need to get her back and we will. It’s what I do.

I’ve been playing this all wrong as Mia said earlier.

I was too worried about my past coming back at me, I didn’t see the bigger playing field in front of me.

We have The Black Heart Gang on our side.

We have Diablo’s crew on our side and if Ace reaches out to others, we have them on our side.

The only thing Switch has is his gang. If we all pull together and tear this city up looking for Izzy, we will.

I won’t stop until I find her and bring her home safe.

” I rest my hand on his shoulder and deliver my next words carefully.

“I need your help in doing this. Can you keep it together?”

He nods his head and holds back the tears.

“Yes. I can do that.” He hesitates before continuing.

“The hardest part is after the first time they took her out of that apartment, she couldn’t make eye contact with me and she stopped talking.

I don’t know why. They must have made her do something she feels guilty for. ”

“How long ago was this?”

“Just a couple of days ago. It was dark outside and they all left for about three hours. When she came back, tears were streaming down her face and she wouldn’t stop sobbing. The only thing she kept saying was, I’m sorry . What would she be sorry for?”

My eyes grow wide, my heart is beating hard in my chest and my palms are sweaty. He has no idea they tried to make her kill me. I need to figure out how to say this gently, so he doesn’t go into another tailspin. “I know.”

“What is it? I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure it out.”

“X, take a seat.” He closes the toilet lid and sits down, watching and waiting.

“I know what night you’re talking about because we were there, and I didn’t know it was her until we watched the surveillance videos.

There’s no straightforward way to say this.

” I pause and look away. This will be hard for him.

“What is it, Nolan?”

Taking a deep breath, I continue, “They made Izzy push me toward an oncoming train. If it weren’t for Ashton pulling me back at the last second, I would have landed on the tracks and died.”

“Oh fuck!” Xavier spins around, lifts the toilet lid quickly, and dry heaves. “This can’t be happening. Why would they do that?” He lost it again. “Why would they make my beautiful girl do something like that?” he wails.

“Because they’re a bunch of twisted fucks who get off on inflicting torture,” I answer, sadly.

Xavier dry heaves one more time and leans against the wall.

His spirit is broken, and his soul is torn to shreds.

He wraps his arms around his raised knees and rests his head between them.

I watch his back shake several times. Taking the spot against the wall next to him, I wait it out, the anger and rage will surface soon and together we will take these fuckers down.

After several minutes of his self-loathing, Xavier raises his head and meets my eyes. “You’re not angry with her, are you?”

“Not at all,” I answer quickly. “There’s no doubt she didn’t have a choice.

When we played the surveillance tapes, she looked directly into the camera and mouths the words, I’m sorry , with tears running down her face.

I know they didn’t give her a choice because they grabbed her tied hands and yanked her away.

It happened so fast, we had no idea what was going on and that Redline was missing.

So, no I’m not angry with her. I’m angry with myself for putting her in that situation.

She’s a bright light in a dark world and I never wanted any of my past to touch either of you.

But, now that it has, I will do everything in my power to get her back safely and bring her back into the light. ”

“Nolan, can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Fire away.”

“What did these people do to you?”

I was hoping he never asked, but I knew this was coming. “Do you want the gentle version or the hard one?”

“I just want to know why they are out to get you and what they did to you,” Xavier replies.

“There’s a reason you’ve never seen me with my shirt off, no matter how hot it is.

I’ve always said I didn’t know how to swim when we’d go to the lake or a pool, but this is the reason why.

When I show you this, I don’t want sympathy or anything.

I’ve dealt with it and with the help of Ashley, I’ve learned a life lesson.

” I take a deep breath and lift my hoodie and t-shirt over my head.

I hear Xavier suck in a deep breath but thankfully, he doesn’t say a word.

“This is what happens when they think you crossed them. I did a job for Switch and the junkie got the drop on us. After I killed the junkie and burned the crack house down, he decided I didn’t learn my lesson enough and caught me off guard.

They strung me up in a basement and tortured me.

Let me rephrase that. Switch hung me like a pig in the basement and Wrath did all of these.

” I point to each jagged scar marring my chest. “I don’t know how long I was there for.

I kept losing consciousness and when she felt I had enough, they threw me in an alley.

Thankfully, I regained consciousness long enough to painfully crawl my way to the street.

A passerby found me and called nine-one-one.

A few months after I recovered, I left.”

“How did you get out?” Xavier asks with a tremble in his voice.

“I want to tell you, but I can’t. It’s my secret I must keep. Not even Ashley knows. Let’s just say I had to bargain with the devil to escape the hell I was in.”

“Do you think…” Xavier swallows hard. “Do you think they’ll do that to Izzy?”

“No,” I answer quickly. “This is a special type of torture they like to inflict upon me. They saved their pent-up anger and aggression for me. That’s why I can’t let them get me. If they do, I’ll be done for. Now we need to play the offense and take these fuckers down.”

“Where do you want to start?”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? It’s going to get ugly really fast. You’ve never seen the side of me that will come out. It scares me sometimes.” I confess.

“I’m more than ready. I want to get her back quickly. The longer she’s with them, the more they’re in jeopardy.” Xavier answers. “I need a shower. Can you give me twenty?”

“Sure, I have clean clothes for you around here somewhere. I’ll go ask Mia where they are and leave them in the bedroom.

You’re safe now X, I promise you. We have a whole team here who will do anything for you, Izzy, Mia, and Ashley.

We got this.” I slap him on the back and stand up, putting my t-shirt and hoodie back on.

Xavier follows and stretches his arms above his head.

He’s going to crash soon from the emotions he’s endured.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Xavier gives me a bro hug and I leave the bathroom.

Making my way down the stairs, I contemplate our conversation. I halt at the top of the stairs when something he said occurs. What the actual fuck? Why did he say they’re in jeopardy?

I turn back around to ask him, but I hear the shower kick on.

I’ll have to ask him when he comes out. Both will have a tough time finding their way back to the people they once were, but I will be with them every step of the way.

They will never be the same, but they have a choice to grow and conquer this together.

Voices drift up the stairs and I can hear Mia laughing about something. Ashley giggles too and a smile graces my lips. That voice can pick me up when I feel like I’m going to surrender to the darkness. I have the sudden urge to wrap my arms around her and feel her warm, soft body against mine.

Walking down the stairs quickly, I find Ashley sitting next to Harris at the dining room table watching video surveillance tapes, talking quietly to each other.

Mia and Christian are curled up in the chair talking to each other.

Ashton, Rush, and Ace are standing at the floor-to-ceiling windows looking out at Central Park.

Marks and Ramirez are pacing back and forth, waiting for orders to do the job.

Ashley's head snaps up from the laptop and offers me a bright smile. God, I love that woman with my whole being. I make my way toward her and she stands up from her chair, waiting for me to sit down with her.

“Mia, can you find clothes for X and leave them in the first bedroom? He’s taking a shower right now.”

“Yes, I know right where they are,” she gets up and gives Christian a quick kiss before disappearing up the stairs. Christian stands up and heads over to us at the dining room table.