Page 54 of Racing Dirty Trilogy Box Set

“Who are those guys?" I ask pointing over to the four men standing around us. They all have military haircuts, buzzed close to their heads. Their muscles are straining in their black t-shirts. They’re standing stiff and at attention, their eyes scanning everyone and everything.

Watching and waiting for a threat or something.

“They work for me,” Nolan says.

“Work for you? What do you mean?" I ask.

“I have a security business I run,” Nolan answers like it’s no big deal.

Before I can ask more questions, the doors to the emergency room fly open and Dr. Smith, who worked on my dad, comes out, carrying a clipboard. I resist the urge to stomp my foot and roll my eyes at this doctor.

“Mr. and Mrs. Sweeney?" he asks, not looking up from his clipboard. James and Ana stand.

“That’s us,” James answers.

The doctor finally looks up and locks eyes with me. The last time we spoke, it didn’t turn out too well and by his expression, he’s remembering our conversation. I arch a brow at him, sending him a challenge. He breaks eye contact with me and clears his throat. He shifts his focus to James and Ana.

“Your son suffered a gunshot to the right abdomen, which you know.” Dr. Smith’s monotone voice is grating on my nerves.

“Yes, we know, how is he?" Ana asks. The doctor clears his throat again.

“It penetrated his appendix, so we had to remove it. We removed the bullet too and he lost a lot of blood. We lost him once on the table but were able to bring him back. He’s being moved to ICU and is allowed only two visitors at a time once he is stabilized.

" No emotion is in his voice like he is annoyed to be out here, and I finally crack.

“You son of a bitch," I scream at him, tears running down my face.

Nolan steps in front of me, his hands up in front of him. “Not now Izzy,” Nolan growls.

I ignore Nolan and glare at Dr. Smith. “Don’t you give a fuck about anything? We’ve been here for hours waiting to hear something, and I’d think you’d have some fucking compassion when you tell us he died on the fucking table!" I scream, drawing the attention of everyone in the waiting room.

Dr. Smith’s eyes widen at my outburst, but I don’t stop, I can’t stop.

“You’re an asshole who needs fucking manners.

Quit making us feel like we’re beneath you, that we should be honored to be in your presence.

Doctors don’t do that. Doctors help people, not make them feel worse and you.

” I point my finger at Dr. Smith, “suck.

" I cross my arms and sit down, finally running out of steam.

Dr. Smith watches me carefully before turning back to James and Ana. “As I said, he’s being moved to ICU and I’ll send someone down to get you when he’s allowed visitors." Dr. Smith goes back through the doors without another word.

Tears are falling down my cheeks and into my lap. I don’t bother to wipe them away. I just let them fall. I’m numb to everything around me. Every sight, every sound, every touch, fades away when I repeat what Dr. Smith said.

Xavier died.

He died on the table. That should have been me in there, not him. Questions fly through my mind that I should have asked before my outburst. Is that going to cause any long-term damage? Is he going to be in a coma? Will he have memory loss?

Nolan sits down next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, comforting me. “He’s going to be fine now, Izzy.”

“I know, but there are so many questions invading my mind, I don’t think the doctor will answer them now,” I say and wipe a tear from my cheek.

A nurse in deep brown scrubs comes out the doors my dad came through, her brown hair pulled up in a tight ponytail.

“Mr. and Mrs. Sweeney?" She says, looking around. We all rise, and she cocks an eyebrow. “There are only two allowed at a time in his room and the rest of you will have to wait in the waiting room upstairs. Mr. Sweeney just had major surgery and needs his rest.”

“Thank you,” Ana says.

James, Ana, Nolan, and I follow her through the door. I raise an eyebrow at Nolan, “Aren’t your guys going to come with us, boss?"

He shakes his head, a tight smile on his face. “No smartass. They’re going to stay down here."

We all pile into the elevator and ride it up to the ICU.

Everyone tries to make small talk with me, but I ignore them.

I just need to see Xavier, I need to feel his warmth, need to hear him speak.

The elevator dings and the doors open. I hesitate to get out.

As much as I want to see Xavier, my body freezes.

I can’t bring one foot in front of the other.

I’m numb and my feet aren’t moving. Ana stops walking and turns around.

“Honey, it will be OK. He’s going to be OK,” she says to me.

I nod my head, that’s the only body part I can move. I finally find my voice. “I know Ana, but I can’t.” Tears are falling down my cheeks dripping onto the floor.

“Ana, James, you two go ahead. I’ll stay here with Izzy.” Nolan says.

Ana speaks up, her motherly voice trying to get through to me. “Izabella Jones, Xavier is going to be fine. The doctor told us he is."

“I know,” my breath comes out in shallow pants, and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. My brain is swirling with questions, but no answers come to mind.

“Izzy, take a deep breath,” Nolan says. I try but fail.

“I can’t. Ana, I’m sorry, but I can’t walk through these doors.

" I cry even harder. Xavier needs me, but I can’t move.

My breathing is becoming more rapid and black spots are clouding my vision.

“The one person who can help me get past this, can’t right now because of me.

I’m the one who should be in that room, not him.

” My voice breaks from the emotions I’m feeling.

“I’m the one who should have died and then have been revived, not him.

He doesn’t deserve any of this and it’s all my fault. ” I whisper.

Ana slowly approaches me in the elevator. She places her hands gently on my shoulders, trying to offer comfort.

“Izzy, it’s not your fault,” Ana says gently.

“Yes, it is. He wouldn’t have been shot if I didn’t draw those psychos to me. If he hadn’t pushed me out of the way, it would have been me, not him. It’s my fault. You should hate me right now. Why don’t you hate me?” I ask her, my tears are falling harder and faster.

Why don’t they hate me? It doesn’t make sense.

Why can’t they see this is my fault and the guilt’s eating me alive?

It’s all my fault. Why don’t they just turn their backs on me, like I did to Xavier years ago?

I deserve any anger and resentment they have towards me.

Why do they keep staring at me instead of going to Xavier? I don’t deserve the attention.

“Nolan, go. I’ll be fine.” I tell him, composing myself. “I’m going to see my dad while you guys see Xavier and then stop and see Mia and Ashley. I’ll be back.”

I’m lying, and Nolan knows it. I can’t bring myself to walk out there and see the rejection or blame in Xavier’s eyes.

“Go, Nolan. I’m holding you up from visiting him.

”I say and punch the buttons to the second floor.

Tears are welling up in my eyes again and I clear my throat.

“Go. I’ll be back later." I push Nolan out the door and hit the button again. The doors quietly close and I don’t look up.

My tears are falling again, and I wipe them away.

I’ve lost everyone from that stupid bitch.

Mia and Ashley are hurt, Xavier was shot, Nolan thinks I lost my mind, and my dad is in a coma. All the people who I love and care for were hurt because of me. If Marie didn’t die at that farmhouse, I’d kill her right now.

I can’t be here anymore, so I hit the ground floor button.

The elevator doors finally open and I run through the waiting room.

I run outside into the bright morning sun as a new day takes hold.

There is one place I need to go. One person I need to talk to, to get my head on straight.

I tell the Uber driver to take me to the cemetery. I need to talk to my mom.