Page 52 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Alessandra

Scrumptious, chocolatey eyes are all I see. Jax’s eyes. And I’m absolutely speechless at his declaration. “I love you, Aly.”

I’m not sure how much time passes, but I can’t seem to will my brain to connect any of its synapses.

It’s not like I didn’t wish for him to feel this way about me.

Rather, it’s that I never thought he ever would.

The drastic change in his response sends me plummeting off of my emotional rollercoaster into a proverbial nose dive and I have yet to find my way back to the track.

Holy fuck. He loves me. I could sense some of what he was trying to hold back but love? Where the hell did that come from. I would have thought Cole or Hawk would have said something like that first. Definitely either of them. And most definitely not Jax. How much was he hiding?

Obviously, a metric fuck ton if he’s dropping Charlie Brown hearts like beads at Mardi Gras.

I suddenly realize I'm no longer breathing when he picks me up, wedding style, and scoots me back on the bed. He cradles my head in the pillows, making sure I'm comfortable and then retreats to the end of the bed in order to lift my legs over his, massaging my feet.

I feel like I'm in the fucking Twilight Zone. A fucking foot massage too????

“Aly, speak to me, baby girl.” The worry evident in the highs and lows of his voice.

His strong fingers start working out months of stress and frustration from my feet, eliciting a groan and waking me up out of my self-induced stupefied state.

He starts to pull his hands away at the noise before I chime in.

“Nooo, no no no. Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

He responds with a silent smirk and returns to his task, really focusing on my calf now. After a few moments of drawn out silence, his smile falls.

“Aly... I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry. I should have waited. This wasn’t the right time to drop all of that on you. Not after everything you just went through. I wasn’t thinking. I just--”

“Jax...," I interrupt. He doesn't need to apologize.

That's the last thing he needs to do. I just needed to reboot my brain to understand what was going on.

It's back online and fully operational now.

"You saved me. How did you know where I was? How did you get in here? There were people. Other guys besides the ones in the basement with me. How--?”

He stands up and moves up the bed closer to me, shaking his head at the question. His hands take one of mine, his fingers rubbing small, gentle circles on the back of it.

“Don’t worry about them. And once this horde moves on, we’re going to get the fuck out of here and back home... where you belong... with all of us.”

He waits on baited breath. The look in his eyes is one of hope and concern.

Maybe he thinks I don’t want to be with him anymore.

Especially since I didn’t return his sentiment about loving him.

It’s not that I don’t. I just don’t know yet.

I care about him. Hell, I came all this way out for him, by myself, against the wishes of Cole and Hawk.

For him. Maybe I do? And maybe I'm just afraid to admit that to him just for him to run away again .

Regardless of that fact, returning home to all three of them sounds like heaven. It’s strange - feeling so comfortable with all of them.

Sure, Jax pisses me off and is a walking enigma, but there’s a quiet beauty to him and I can’t seem to shake off my feelings toward him.

He’s like a lone tree in a field. Isolating himself from everyone but yet you can’t seem to keep yourself away.

The curiosity overwhelms you, pulling you in, seeking out the comfort and safety in its shade, until you’re surrounded by the branches and never wanting to leave its embrace.

They each have their own unique qualities that draw me in. Why should I have to choose? Why would I? Who is left that I need to impress or worry if they approve? No one. Just me and them and the limited time we may have left on this rock. That thought hits me like a freight train.

How much time do we have left? We could all die tomorrow for all we know. Why am I hung up on if Jax may or may not leave me tomorrow? Today, he loves me. Perhaps for the rest of the time we have left too. Why waste that time rather than seize it? Fuck it.

Carpe that fucking diem, biotch!

I don’t say anything, but lift myself up to a more upright sitting position. The magnetic pull towards Jax taking over, and I don’t try to stop it. He must feel it too because he draws towards me, taking my face in his hands as I complete the journey and plant my lips onto his.

It’s not slow and gentle like when he first found me.

No. This is a reclaiming. A promise. It’s hard and messy.

Groans and growls are streaming out of each of us.

It’s as if our brains are short circuiting because our hands are all over each other, not wanting to stay in one place too long before moving on.

The need to feel every inch is all consuming .

He licks into my mouth, tasting the desperation on my tongue. His hands weaving into my damp hair just as he pulls back. I see the look in his eyes. The doubt, the hesitancy. If he rejects me again, after all of this, after he said he loves me, I think I might just castrate him. Chop it all off.

“Don’t stop...” I barely get the words out before he starts shaking his head. The doubt in his eyes turning to resolve.

“Never. Never again.” His hands frame my face again. “I won’t stop until you're begging me to and even then, I don’t think I'll be able to.”

He takes my mouth again. Insistent. Urgent. I can feel my body responding. Warmth gathers low in my belly. The wetness from the bath replaced by my own slick heat.

Like he’s drawn to the scent of it, he releases my mouth, gently pushing my body flat on the bed as he lowers his body down over me, kissing and nipping a trail down to the crux of my legs.

When he gets there, he digs his nose into my core through my pants, smelling my arousal.

I can see his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he scents me.

When he focuses on my eyes again, all I see is black, blown out pupils.

He’s gone feral. Lust and desire taking over.

The borrowed pajamas don’t stand a chance as he pulls them down my legs and dives his face back into my naked pussy. He flattens his tongue over my outer lips, licking and groaning at the taste of my essence.

“Fuck me, you taste better than I could have ever imagined. I could eat this pussy all day and never tire of it.”

At that thought, he spread my pussy lips with his fingers, prodding his tongue at my quivering hole, fucking it with the muscle.

The invasion is overwhelming, and I can’t resist it when he pushes on the backs of my thighs, pinning them to the bed beside me.

I’m completely exposed but strangely comfortable with it despite the lack of physical intimacy with Jax.

Mental intimacy, well that’s a whole other story.

While I’ve lived with and learned about Hawk and Cole, both inside and outside of the bedroom, my relationship with Jax has been centered around simple conversation.

Granted, there have been a few hiccups regarding his feelings for me, but our conversations following those incidents have given me huge incite as to the man he is today and what made him this way.

He makes me feel safe, allowing me to let go of any reservations I might have had and just be here in the moment with him.

Especially after all the shit I just went through.

Slowly, he drags his tongue up and circles my clit. I feel his fingers pressing against my entrance as he pushes one in, then two.

“Open up for me, baby. Let me in.” I look down to where he’s eating me out and lock eyes with him.

Every little movement, every moan, gasp, and arch of my back is being catalogued by his watchful gaze.

I can’t help but relax my legs further and release a loud moan.

He takes that as his queue to push his two fingers further into me, burying them deep until they practically hit my cervix.

He curves his fingers and finds that sensitive place inside of me that makes my legs quiver and my voice squeal with unencumbered ecstasy.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I’m gonna come!”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he clamps his lips around my sensitive nub and sucks so hard I think my soul might leave my body.

When I come, I feel like it has. My vision turns white and my body quakes with orgasmic aftershocks.

He slows down his fingers but doesn’t stop, prolonging my pleasure as I flood his face with my juices.

When I finally return to my senses, he lifts, showing me just what he did to me, and I to him.

His entire face, from his nose to his chin is glistening with my release.

My arms reach for him immediately, needing to have him close, needing to feel him again.

He understands my desires and covers me with his body then allows me to taste myself through his kiss.

It’s an aphrodisiac in and of itself and just makes me crave more.

He echoes my ravenous hunger with his next words.

“Holy shit baby, I can’t seem to get close enough to you. I can’t help it. I want you so bad. I know you’ve been through a lot today and I don’t want to push you, but just know that I am yours and will do whatever you want me to, whatever you’re comfortable with.”