Page 17 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Alessandra

I wake, startled, in the middle of the night, to the sounds of grunts and muffled punches. I look to the left, narrow my eyes and tilt my head. The noises continue. They’re coming from the room next to mine. The forbidden room. Jax’s room.

I should mind my own business. I should turn over, put a pillow over my ears and go back to sleep.

Try to ignore the sounds and the feelings they conjure within me.

I worry about what’s happening in there.

Is he ok? Did someone break in? Is it just a nightmare?

Too many questions. Cole and Hawk said to stay away.

I should listen to them. But more grunts come.

Curiosity gets the better of me. I end up crawling out of bed and open the door to the hallway.

The sounds from his room are less noticeable out here than they were in my room so I slowly walk the short distance over to his doorway to listen better through the wood.

I put my ear against the door and, once again, hear, what sounds like, struggling.

I straighten and look around for the other guys.

Both of their doors are closed so I assume they’re asleep.

It’s probably just a nightmare and I should go back to bed.

Let it run its course. Nightmares never really hurt anyone.

He should be fine in the morning. The second that thought enters my head, however, an object is thrown at the door, slamming so hard into it that the wood shakes with its impact, startling me enough to take a step back.

What the hell am I even doing ?

Cole and Hawk made it clear to stay away from his room. The thought keeps on popping up in my head on repeat. That’s what I need to do, regardless of what’s going on in there. Regardless of how much it pains me to stay on this side of the door.

All of a sudden, a cry lets loose that sends shivers up and down my spine.

It’s the sound of pain. White hot searing pain.

I can’t take it anymore. No one makes those sounds and wants to endure something like that even if it is just a nightmare.

I make up my mind and take it upon myself to check on him.

I knock a few times on his door, waiting for permission to enter. He doesn’t answer, but more sounds filter through, this time with the distinct sound of muffled yelling. Like he has his face pushed into a pillow.

That’s it...

I push the door open and see him twisted in his sheets. His face the vision of pain but, from what I can see, there’s no one else in the room, confirming my thoughts on the nightmare theory. He lets out another muffled scream and punches the headboard.

I walk over to the side of the bed and lean over him. Avoiding his flailing arms, I gently place my hand on his shoulder to try to wake him up out of his nightmare. His legs start to kick and I notice a thin blanket of sweat dotting his forehead.

“Jax... wake up... it’s just a dream...”

Quick as a flash, he throws himself up with a loud growl, arms flaring out, eyes wide and a snarl on his face.

Before I can react, he grabs me by the throat, turns and pins me down on the bed.

His intense eyes meet mine but don’t seem to be looking at me, but rather, through me, like he’s still in a dream state.

His breathing gets heavier as his other hand takes my arms and pins them above my head.

He situates his body over mine, straddling my hips, effectively immobilizing me.

My breath hitches at the sudden change in position.

Fear floods my veins and adrenaline surges through me as well as another feeling I don’t know if I'm ready to admit yet. Fuck, I should have listened to the guys. “Jax, it’s Aly, stop.” I say weakly up to him.

His large hand choking me. Stealing my ability to breathe.

He doesn’t pull back, though. His face is so close to mine but yet still not seeing me struggling beneath him.

I try prying my hands loose to try and hit him but it’s no use so I rely on my legs to buck him off.

That attempt is futile as well. His sheer size and muscle structure compared to my petite frame is overwhelming. I don’t stand a chance.

“Jax, please!” I strain my voice.

My vision starts to dot and I know it’s only a manner of seconds before I'm out when I notice a huge dog nudging and whimpering into his side. Suddenly, it’s like a fog clearing as he blinks his eyes a few times and stares down at me writhing underneath him.

A shuddering breath pours out of him as he takes in our intertwined positions, and loosens his grip on my neck, allowing me to take in a lungful of air, but he doesn’t immediately move off of me. ..

The heat pouring off of his body settles onto me, as a fire starts in my own.

My mind returns to earlier, to my first glance at him, then later at the lake, his intrusion in the bathroom and finally that piercing gaze from dinner.

I won’t deny and say he hasn’t been on my mind, as much as the others.

My once desolate imagination has been hijacked by these three and one of my muses is hovering over me like the sinful god he is.

Even though, just a few minutes ago I was terrified, my mind has suddenly diverted, staring into the stars of his eyes, and I’m not ready to depart yet.

Instead of moving away, as I suspect he might do, his reaction to our situation is equally surprising, and entirely noticeable if the hardness in his pants is any indication.

He notices too and slowly grinds into me, gauging my response.

His eyes track mine the entire time. In return, an audible gasp escapes me as my eyes roll into the back of my head followed by a low moan.

Wanting my undivided attention, he lowers his thumb again, grasping my neck in his large hand and squeezes gently.

My eyes return to his as his eyebrows turn down.

I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but what feels like an eternity later, he must’ve gotten his answer.

Slowly, he lowers his head to mine, pausing for a few seconds to let me move away if I didn’t want this.

But I do want this. He scares the hell out of me but my body is on fire and I want him more than I can even think right now.

With his one hand still holding my wrists captive, I do my best to lift up to him, bringing my lips to his in a tentative kiss.

His body tightens as he draws in a quick startled breath through his nose.

Seconds later, he takes over and dives in after me.

Letting go of my wrists, his hands find better uses, with one finding my hair, taking it, twisting it in his fingers, and his other caressing the side of my face.

My arms, now being freed, immediately seek out those muscular arms and back and squeeze, hanging on for dear life.

His tongue teases the seam of my lips and I open, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth to its limits as it grapples with mine.

The taste of him is euphoric and I chase more of the high he can give me.

Like a drug addict, I just want more. Anything he’s willing to give me, more of his lips and tongue, more of his body.

What about more bodies? Like two more to be exact...

Like adding gas to the fire, I ignite at the thought, letting out a gasp and a moan that spurs him on.

Jax’s reaction to that sound is carnal, using his grip on my hair to turn my head slightly to deepen the kiss as he emits a low growl of sexually fueled heat, which combined with his wandering hands, sends shivers down my entire body.

His large hand takes my breast in it and squeezes.

His thumb immediately going to my nipple to tease it into a tight peak.

I don’t think it could get any better. He kisses like a man possessed.

Like he possesses me. It's like I’m his and he’s never letting go.

He could take me, lock me up and throw away the key at this point.

I wouldn’t give a damn, so long as he never stops kissing me like this.

He slowly skates his fingertips down my body, away from the curve of my breast, down the path of my abdomen, straight on to the edge of my underwear.

It’s then that I realize I didn’t put anything else on after getting out of bed to check on him so I'm lying there in nothing but a t-shirt and panties. His fingertips leave a trail of goosebumps in their wake and if he goes any further south, he’ll be able to confirm that this particular pair of underwear can officially be declared a FEMA zone. They’re completely flooded.

I moan into our heated kiss and he swallows the sound eagerly, pushing past the elastic boundary, easily finding my clit and soaked core.

“Holy shit, baby doll,” he croaks out, playing my clit like his own personal violin.

I press into his hand, silently begging for more.

He grants me my wish, pushing his hand further andpressing two fingers into my pussy while keeping his thumb on my clit.

On his other hand, he presses his body up so he can look down on my face with heated eyes.

My own face, I’m sure, is full of want, complete with half lidded eyes and panting breaths.

Just as he’s about to ask a question, a sound comes from out in the hallway and he comes to an immediate stop, his head spinning to look at the door. As his face returns to mine, it's as if a veil has been lifted. He removes his hand from me and places it on the bed next to my hip.

“Fuck.” He shakes his head. “We shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this. You need to.... you need to go back to your room.” He slowly lifts off of me and turns to sit on the edge of the bed, facing the opposite direction.

I stare at him in disbelief and confusion. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Please. Just... please...” His voice so low, it’s barely a whisper.

Did I do something wrong? Was he afraid of the others finding out? What gives? Did I give any mixed signals? I don’t think I did. In fact, I think I was very agreeable with what we were doing.

“Is everything ok?” I ask, placing my hand on his shoulder. My confidence suddenly shot down to the ground.

He doesn’t answer for a few beats making me even more nervous that I fucked up. Then, he lets out a heavy sigh, shakes his head, slumps his shoulders and looks back at the door, “Just get out....”

Defeated, I stand in front of him, trying to get past his defenses that have seemed to instantaneously pile onto his persona and get nothing.

His face that was full of passion just a minute ago has been replaced with cold, hard steel.

Impenetrable. I must not move fast enough because the beast within him rears its ugly head and yells a loud “OUT!” making me practically jump out of my skin at his tone.

With a meek sorry I hustle out of his room and back to mine where I fling myself onto my bed.

“What the hell just happened?” I say to myself.

Are we referring to how the hot, impromptu make-out session even got started or the reason for why it abruptly stopped?

Thinking back, that whole interaction was just weird as hell.

His dream must have been so intense. The fact that, when he grabbed me, he didn’t even see what he was doing at first should’ve terrified me.

It did... until it didn’t. My fast change of warring emotions just goes to show how much I crave interaction.

Any interaction. Even if he could have killed me just then.

The thought is sobering but even more terrifying than that? I find that I just don’t care.

I wanted him.

Still do.

Even with everything that goes along with him. The danger, the passion, everything else he has to offer, all of it.

But then reality hits again: what the fuck happened? We were in it to win it. He was all for it. I go to lift my shirt to my nose. No... I don’t smell bad...maybe he just came to his senses and realized I'm just not his type... even if I am pretty much the last woman on the face of the Earth...

“Oh God, how depressing is THAT...”

I release a sigh and curl into myself, pulling the blanket over me and shielding myself from the world. My own depression falling over me like a dark cloud caressing my damaged soul. I welcome it, as my black lullaby, and cascade into a restless sleep.