Page 24 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Alessandra

Jax turns and leaves me with my jaw gaping at his confession as he walks back towards the opening in the fence.

You could say that at times like these I shouldn’t be shocked that he lost someone close to him but I was all the same.

His story was heartbreaking. Is heartbreaking.

Like someone ripped open my chest, stabbed the beating thing with a skewer and slammed my chest back together. I feel horrible for the guy.

His words sink in, however. They all make sense and I now realize that I’ve been entirely too flippant with everything. I’ve had my close calls these past few months. I know I should know better. I guess it’s just been my coping mechanism to act as if everything is normal still.

You forget that it’s the ditsy, flying with their heads in the clouds, blondes that end up dead first in horror flicks....

“Yea, well, thanks for speaking up NOW ...couldn’t have said something, I don’t know, when I first started going crazy and SPEAKING TO MYSELF! ”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to contain my raging insanity.

Once I’m as cool as a cucumber, I shake out my shoulders and move to find my way back to the path I was supposed to be on this entire time.

It only takes a minute or so until I step onto the correct path and continue down to the garden where Cole should be.

I find his ginger likeness climbing a tree and picking apples, while I find myself lacking the ability to draw breath as his shirtless form becomes the focus of my view.

Little glistening droplets of sweat glide down between his abs to that delicious V at his waistline and all I want to do is lick it off of him.

I swear these boys have been put in my path specifically to torture me and my lady bits. First, Hawk gets me all flustered from his kiss, then there was Jax with whatever the fuck that was and now this. I’m about to explode.

Deep breaths. He’s just another hot guy you happen to be shacking up with. It’s like superhero syndrome or something. That’s it. They saved you and now you’re all swoony and want to jump their bones. Totally normal...

“ What are you doing hiding over there? Come here. You can help me finish this tree.” He waves me over.

Busted...

Little did I realize I was staring at him like a cracked-out stalker. I, totally, would have never been able to graduate spy school. There also may have been the tiniest amount of drool lingering on the corner of my mouth, adding to the overall effect. Wonderful...

Totally sexy. Yeah. We got this.

I shake myself and make my way over to him, looking at the tree and all of the apples left.

There must be at least a few dozen still on the branches.

Good. This can distract me from what just happened with Mr. Broodypants.

Although, now that I understand why he is the way he is, I should probably come up with a better nickname that inspires less animosity and more compassion for his ways.

Eeyore maybe? He’s adorably depressed. It could work. I don’t know.

I snap back to reality as Cole reaches for another apple. “So, how are you today? Getting settled? Adjusting well? ”

I nod my response. “It’s good... getting there.

But you guys have been great. I can’t thank you all enough for everything.

” I pluck an apple of my own and drop it into the basket with a sigh.

My mood on my sleeve regardless of my attempt to conceal it.

Try as I might, I can’t shake my run in with Jax.

“No problems with Hawk or Jax?” he asks.

I freeze, my eyes widening just slightly, wondering if he could read minds as well as his other talents. He raises a knowing eyebrow at my delayed response. Plucking a few more apples and placing them in the basket, I let out a deep breath.

“Jax is... intense...” I remember last night’s run in with him and what just happened and how my emotions spanned the entire spectrum, both times, in less than ten minutes.

He nods. “Yea, I can see that.” He waits for me to continue.

“Is...is he ok?” I voice the question I can’t seem to hold back.

After what happened last night in his bedroom, and what Jax just told me, it wouldn’t surprise me if something was off.

I know it’s a personal question and I should probably ask Jax but how do you ask someone that to their face?

As his closest friends, Hawk and Cole should at least know something and might even be willing to let me in just a little bit, while withholding the heavier stuff.

That way I can understand a bit more of the dynamic around here rather than flying blind.

I just hope I haven’t crossed a line with my inquiry.

Cole looks at me, examining my question. Maybe he didn’t think I’d ask it. Maybe he did… His eyebrows draw down and together, his lips form a tight line as he thinks his response.

“Let me put it to you this way. He’s been through a lot.

We all have. From work to just living our lives it’s been a crazy ride.

But Jax... Jax is the strongest man I’ve ever known, and he has a natural tendency to want to help and protect those closest to him, essentially making their crosses his to bare.

The heaviness of that selflessness can weigh on a person. ..

“What you need to understand is that he is extremely passionate about his family and he loves fiercely. That intensity you see? It’s the passion and love radiating out of him, because he can hardly contain the sheer magnitude that he has inside of his body.

Take your time with him. Learn from him.

Share experiences with him. Slowly but surely, he’ll come around.

And if he doesn’t, you’ll have Hawk and myself to help you deal with his crotchety ass. ”

A smile graces my face as well as his on that last note as he pulls me in for a hug and kisses the top of my head as a sign of reassurance.

The hug is definitely appreciated while, at the same time, I’m not expecting the kiss.

I’m not complaining but getting affection from all three within the same day when I haven’t had any in months is a bit jarring, even if it is well received. A girl can get used to it, though.

He squeezes the hug tighter just before he lets me go.

“As for now, let’s tackle the rest of this tree and get back.

” Turning back to the tree, he picks a few more, tossing them into the basket before climbing higher.

I move to join him, climbing the limbs, slower than he did, but eventually I reach his height.

He looks in my direction and calls out, “atta girl,” winking before he continues.

“Who knows, maybe Jax will feel like whipping up a pie when he sees these beauties.” He says with a smile, then somberly says, “One day at a time. It'll get there.”

“Yea... maybe...” I reply.

One day at a time. It's how I've tackled these past few months, so why would it be strange to apply the same concept to personal interactions?

Um, because you’re way out of practice?

“ Oh shush. I can do this...”

“What was that?” Cole asks in response to my outburst to myself. I shake my head. One of these days I’ll get ahold of my psychotic episodes.

“Nothing. Just talking to myself again. I’m fine.” One day at a time...