Page 35 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Jax

Dinnertime. I let out a relaxed sigh of relief when I look over the spread I managed to whip up.

I never used to cook this much. I did for a bit after my last tour overseas but never to this degree.

Never really had the time but nowadays time is all we seem to have so, why not?

Growing up in an Italian family, food was a big deal.

Cooking meals from scratch? Even better.

I guess I should be thankful, now, that I remember how to do a lot of it.

The front door opens just as I finish putting the dishes on the table. Alessandra is first, looking as beautiful as ever, even if she does seem a bit disheveled. Hawk’s trailing behind her... staring at her ass.... Then, finally, there’s Cole, looking at both of them with a question in his eyes.

Well, shit, the little fuckers didn’t waste any time at all, did they?

I’m not entirely sure what they’ve all gotten up to today but by the looks of their faces compared to yesterday, I’d say something big happened.

For all of them. I bite my tongue to stave off my reaction to the happy.

.. pair? Group? Throuple? What the fuck do people call this arrangement?

Is there an arrangement? Fuck me, why the hell do I even care?

I pulled myself out of this rat race and regardless of my growing feelings for her, I need to stay out of it.

At least I can focus on dinner right now and not get too caught up in their accord and preferred nomenclature.

“Perfect timing, grab a plate.”

They each offer their thanks for the meal and move to sit down.

My masochistic side must take over my brain as I, subtly, take in Alessandra.

She’s the type of girl that is simply beautiful when she first wakes up in the morning and doesn’t even know it.

Effortless. Easy. I notice little things, like the fine dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks.

When she’s happy, her smile lights up her entire face and seems to lighten up the space around her just as brightly.

The way she fiddles with her nails when she’s thinking.

The way she bites her lip when she’s nervous.

And the way she’s doing both of those things right now.

What are you thinking about that’s making you so nervous?

The table is a big circle with four chairs at it.

A little bit like King Arthur with us. Everyone is equal here.

Family. I take my usual seat, and Alessandra takes the one next to me.

I try not to think too much into it. She probably chose that seat since that was the one closest to her rather than its proximity to me.

Cole and Hawk both move to take the seat next to her on the other side.

When they practically sit in each other’s laps they jump and give a long stare to each other.

“What are you doing?” Hawk says.

“Sitting next to my girl, what does it look like?” Cole smiles and looks at me and Alessandra like the answer was obvious.

It wasn’t, at least not to me, and by the looks of it, not to Hawk either.

Looking at Alessandra, she’s staring straight forward, not at anyone, and is conspicuously not saying anything to confirm or deny Cole’s statement.

Interesting...

“Your girl?” Hawk cocks his head to the side, biting his lip with a sly grin and waiting for Cole.

“Uh, Aly...?” Cole looks expectantly at Alessandra, his own head turning to the side with a knowing smile on his face, but she’s not giving anything away, still staring blankly at whatever is controlling her brain outside the window.

The conversation ceases. All of us now looking at Aly, wondering what in the world Cole is talking about.

If they’re together that’s fine. If Hawk is with her, that’s also fine.

Shit, they can both be together with her and that would be just fine, too.

I just don’t want any problems between us because of it.

And from the looks on everyone’s faces, I’m about to bet all of my chips that Cole and Hawk might have talked about this but didn’t fully commit to anything just yet.

Looks to me like it’s about to be decided tonight whether they want to or not.

Aly’s mental vacation stops as she turns her head to each of us, her eyelids flutter, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.

Oh, this is going to be good...

She bites her lip and huffs out a breath, steadying herself for what’s to come.

“Yeah... we need to talk...all of us...” Our attention is peaked, waiting for the bomb to drop.

She’s fiddling her fingers again, wrenching them this way and that.

“I, um... I had sex with Cole on our scouting trip...”

Boom

Hawk’s jaw drops at the news. Cole, on the other hand, looks like a smug little shit as he nods his head at her declaration and moves to take the seat next to her. Hawk takes a moment to speak just before Cole sits.

“Well, I knew something went down earlier. I thought it was just a kiss or something but damn!” His eyes widen pointedly just before Aly looks to Cole. He perks up a bit at her attention but cocks his head to the side questioningly when Aly’s face drops again .

“And... uh, I had sex with Hawk on the beach...”

Oh, fuck, double boom

It’s Cole’s turn to pick his jaw up off the floor.

His eyebrows shooting to his hairline. I’m over here just observing.

I know the guys said they were fine with sharing a relationship with Aly if it came to that but it’s one thing to say it, it’s another to actually act on it and not show any jealousy.

Looks like the boys are about to get a crash course and find out.

We haven’t even started eating and, yet, here we are, dinner and a show.

I wonder if we have popcorn...

She turns to me next. I try to keep my facial reaction neutral but can’t help but sit just a little bit straighter in my chair, daring her to say what I think she’s about to but hoping she doesn’t call my bluff.

“And I made out with Jax...”

The guys already know I kissed her. I admitted that to them the same night that it happened- when I caught her outside the perimeter fence- but she doesn’t know that and is confused by their less than outrageous reactions to the news. Until...

“Twice...”

KABOOM!

My eyebrows mimic Cole’s, rising as far as they can go.

My mouth drops open as I look around the table to their reactions to the revelation.

Cole and Hawk’s eyes are ping ponging between me and Alessandra and between each other.

Speechless. You could hear an ant fart in this room with how quiet it is.

It isn’t until then that I realize I never actually told anyone about that night in my room.

The night I succumbed to my nightmares once again and unconsciously lured her into my room with one.

One kiss is just that. One kiss. A mistake made in the heat of the moment.

Temporary lapse of judgement. But two? Two is the beginning of a pattern.

One that I can’t deny. Even though I already said I wasn’t interested, this paints the picture that I most definitely am.

Regardless of what I said to Cole and Hawk that night, when I said I liked her but didn’t want to engage in an intimate relationship with her... yea... what a crock of shit.

I’ve been actively trying to distance myself from her.

Keeping her at arms length. Keeping her safe.

Keeping me sane. While the entire time I’ve just been lying to myself.

Keeping my distance? I’ve been watching her at that distance even more closely than I had been previously ever since that declaration.

Fuck, I’m surprised I haven’t pulled out my binoculars yet and stalked her window for how much I’ve been keeping an eye on her.

And what the fuck happened yesterday in the kitchen?

A flour fight? A fucking flour fight...who the hell am I?

I can’t do this. I could barely control myself, even to the point of almost letting myself go.

After I brushed the flour off her nose it was all I could do to keep myself from taking her in my arms and kissing her face until her lips were swollen.

This isn’t good.

We had a good thing going for us before she arrived. The three of us worked so well together that we didn’t even need to discuss who needed to do what. It was just done. No crazy feelings to have to contend with. No past traumas reawakened. Just. Fucking. Routine.

Then, she comes along and throws a monkey wrench in my attempt at inner peace.

Can’t have inner peace when I’m constantly wrecked with anxiety because even though her clumsy, non-observant butt has been great at surviving, I have no idea how .

It’s fucking mind boggling. She’s like Mr. Magoo, wandering blindly through the world while all of the dangers and threats of the world simply pass her by.

I’ll be honest, though, it’s been nice having her around. She’s become a welcome addition to our crew, fitting in as if she’s always been there, helping out where needed and even offering where we don’t ask.

Like coming into my room in the middle of the night while I’m having a breakdown...

The nightmares have been worse since she came back.

My lack of sleep isn’t exactly making me the nicest person to be around.

To help combat my mood swings, I’ve been spending more time with Sadie and in the kitchen trying to release the demons that have laid siege on my brain.

The counter currently covered in baked goods is proof enough.

I’m a naturally protective person. My family, my friends, my girlfriend...

The sudden thought of her tears the air from my lungs. But I can’t think about her right now so I shake the thought away and focus back on the drama unfolding before me.

Alessandra sinks further into her seat and covers her face with her hands as she groans into them. She speaks again, her hands muffling the sound a bit.

“I don’t know what happened. I had no intention of doing stuff with any of you. I mean, I thought about it but didn’t think it would actually happen, and then you guys were there with your pelvic sorcery and general sexiness and I didn’t seem to stand a chance.”

She raises her hands in defeat and sighs but continues.

“I like all of you. Each of you. Individually and together. Cole, you took care of me in every way possible when I needed it. Hawk, you showed me beauty and passion in everything you see. And Jax, I know I’m, technically, on the outs with you and that’s fine but your soul speaks to mine, it surrounds me like that lake out back and it makes me want to dive in and submerge in you completely.

I know you have some history and I’m willing to work around it but I can’t deny what I feel. ” she sighs again.

This was what I was worried about. The inevitable connection.

Bonding. It’s why I didn’t want to engage further with her and, instead, encouraged Hawk and Cole to pursue her.

It’s why I need to control myself and hope that she loses interest. It’s why she’s not safe around me.

No... I can’t go through it all again. Not again.

“Did you like it?” The question comes from Hawk.

“What?” Aly responds like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Did you like it? Being with each of us?”

She stops and thinks for a second, as if she doesn’t already know the answer, before she responds.

“Yes? You’re all really nice. And being here is a dream come true.

But, now…fuck, this is all going to hell.

.. I was a good girl, always got good grades, never crossed the lines, gave my parents nothing to worry about, and now I'm making out and screwing around with three different guys all within days of each other like a regular slut and--”

“But you liked it?” The smirk on his face growing wider as the seconds tick past. The longer it takes her to answer and the redder the tint of her face gets.