Page 45 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Hawk

The sun is setting earlier and faster as the days go by.

Cole, Aly and I are out on the porch enjoying, what could be, the last days of warmth as fall makes its presence known.

Winters here aren’t that bad, but they still make you yearn for the summer sun so we tend to soak it up while we can.

Both Cole and myself are relaxed back into the Adirondack chairs while Aly claimed the porch swing to herself.

She's lying down on it, letting it, lightly, swing in the breeze, her one leg dangling off the front while her arm covers her eyes.

It’s been three weeks since Jax left. That night was fucked.

Finding Aly like that. Absolutely terrified.

When I saw her, fuck, I was terrified. The marks Jax left on her neck lasted a few days and made my blood boil every time I looked at them, as well as the overwhelming need to protect and care for Aly.

We haven’t left the estate since. We had enough supplies here so there’s been no need.

Yet. We’re gonna have to make a trip soon though.

Plus, after the incident, Aly’s been a bit off.

Understandably so. Ever since Jax’s episode, she's been consistently waking up in the middle of the night, terror filling her eyes.

But whenever one of us offers to stay in the room with her, she refuses, so Cole and I have been taking shifts outside of her door, to be with her when the nightmares become too much.

You can see she’s sad during the day. She says she’s not but every so often one of us will see her standing outside of Jax’s room, just standing there looking in longingly, or we’ll see her looking out the window facing the driveway.

I think she’s hoping he’ll come back. It’s obvious she misses him.

I get it, we do too. So, we decided it was best to lay low and recoup.

Aly sighs, kicking her foot off the ground, getting the swing to move more. “Where do you think he went?”

Both Cole and I know exactly where he would go.

We just haven’t said anything since this is the first time she asked and we didn’t want to remind her of that night until she was ready to talk.

We knew this was going to come up, but we knew Jax needed his space, also.

Needed to let his demons out. We’ve all been there.

So overwhelmed by everything that you feel like you’re going to explode.

So, we took a step back and let him do his thing. Cole answers her question.

“He has a bug-out spot just south of here at the other end of the lake about 10-15 miles away. It’s nothing much. Just a small bungalow he got just in case shit hit the fan. But don’t worry, it’s fully stocked and has a wood stove and a generator. He’ll be fine.”

Cole picks up his sweet tea and takes a sip, looking out over the front yard towards the gate. I can tell he misses him too. Same as me.

Luckily, we’ve prepped for something similar to this.

The Bug Out.

If we ever got separated or needed to evacuate the estate, refer to The Bug Out Plan.

Besides the bungalow being stocked and ready to go, we have our guns, that are always on us wherever we go, and some awesome 2-way radios that work up to thirty miles away from each other.

Those bad ass little bastards are kept in our tactical bags that are always staged right by the front door.

These bags are filled with a variety of survival gear, you know, just in case .

*The Bugout Bag*

2-way radio

(Battery powered)

Flashlight

(Also battery powered ‘cause we couldn’t find the awesome hand crank ones after all this shit went down)

Batteries

(Duh...)

Flint

(Cause we’re all secretly pyros at heart...)

K-bar

(Aka ‘now that’s a knife!’ – said in an Australian accent)

First Aid Kit

(Stocked with normal shit plus Ibuprofen and dry socks per Cole’s explicit instructions)

Hygiene Kit

(Just cause the zombies have nasty breath doesn’t mean I have to. Minty fresh, baby!)

Protein Bars

(Yum...)

Bottled Water

(Chug-a-lug)

Rope

(Kinky...)

Extra Pair of Clothes

(And more socks- Cole would be so proud!)

Cole and I have had our radios attached to our hips ever since Jax left. He checked in that next morning confirming his arrival at the bug-out-bungalow but no one has heard from him since. I’m starting to wonder if we ever will.

“It’s been three weeks. Don’t you think we should go see if he’s ok?

Show him that I'm ok? Convince him to come back? Something?!” Aly moves to sit up on the swing, setting her feet on the concrete and aiming a determined look at Cole and I.

I take a breath, trying to approach this in delicate manner that won’t upset her.

I know she misses him, but we have to be practical.

“Aly, it's not that easy. There’s a reason we take our guns and knives with us to town and it’s not so that we can look badass.

There’s more that you need to look out for than just zombies.

Regular, alive people, these days, aren’t what they used to be.

There’s some, honest to God, fucked up shit in this world just as bad as the living dead, only with more of a pulse.

Jax was crazy for leaving in the middle of the night, but, unfortunately, that’s what he did and luckily.

.. thankfully, he got to his little hidey-hole safely. We might not be as lucky.”

Aly sighs again, frustrated at the circumstances.

“But we can’t just leave him there all alone.

What if something happens? What if something already did happen and we don’t even know?

He hasn’t contacted us in almost a month!

” Her hand gestures becoming wildly animated now with her frustration.

I lift my hands, placatingly, showing her that I'm sorry we can’t do anything right now.

She looks to Cole, hoping for some backup. He doesn’t give it.

“Sorry, gorgeous. Hawk’s right. Besides, Jax wouldn’t want us to come looking for him.

Not with everything else out there, and definitely not with what he needs to work through.

This is what’s best for him. He’ll come back if and when he’s ready to and not a second before that.

Unfortunately, we’re just going to have to wait for him to decide what he wants to do. ”

She looks down to her hands, clasped together in front of her, her elbows on her knees, looking utterly defeated.

Her soft words echoing her stance. “It’s all my fault.

If I would’ve just listened and stayed out of his room like everyone told me, this would have never happened.

He would’ve never treated me like that knowingly.

It was that stupid, fucking dream. He was stuck in it and dragged me right in with him and.

.. fuck, I’ve ruined everything. He’d still be here if it wasn’t for me.

It’s all my fault.” She looks off in the distance towards the gate that Jax left through.

Her eyes barely holding back the tears welling in them.

Before they fall, she stands and walks silently into the house and up to her room, away from everything and everyone besides herself and her thoughts.

It takes all I have in me to not follow and comfort her but she’s been so withdrawn lately that I worry my coddling might push her further away from us. Some women just want to feel strong even when they’re allowed to feel vulnerable.

She needs her space to work through this just as much as Jax. She needs to realize the real reason why he did this isn’t because he dislikes her and wishes to no longer be in her company. In fact, it’s become obvious, at least to Cole and myself, that it’s quite the opposite.

“Fuck, she’s taking this hard,” Cole chimes in.

“She doesn’t understand. It’s not that he hates her or blames her for anything.

He’s away because he cares about her enough to protect her from himself.

” He sighs, kicking his foot out. “We need to explain this to her, later. For now, let’s let her calm down.

Have some dinner. Then, we’ll all sit down and lay it all out there for her. It might help her cope.”

I nod my head in agreement. “That it might.” I go to stand, stretching my stiff muscles and cranky bones. I look back to Cole. “Mind helping me whip something up for dinner? Since Jax left I've realized that I can barely boil water. The bastard spoiled us rotten.”

Cole shifts and stands, laughing at my domestic embarrassment. “I think we can find something that even you can’t burn. Come on.”