Page 28 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

“At least Cole can’t say he’s the only one that sends you flowers anymore” Jax jests, sticking his tongue out while I'm still gasping for breath. “I just gave you a bunch of my favorite flour... that’s right... semolina.”

Puns... we’re making puns now. Ok. I see how it is. But I can’t be too annoyed by it because I haven’t seen a smile that large on his face, like, ever. I don’t even know if I’ve ever seen him smile before today. The thought makes proud little butterflies take residence in my belly.

I did that.

And I like that I was able to.

I like it so much I continue the puns wars with one I’m sure he’d love.

“Oooooh, you will roux the day when I get you back for this.” I say, smiling at myself and gesturing to the white mess all over me.

Jax responds by lifting his eyebrows in surprise and cracking out a laugh so loud it echoes around the house.

I’m sure the other guys can hear it where ever they are and are frightened at the unusual sound.

“Where the hell did you learn about roux? You can’t even boil water.”

“Yea, that’s right. I know things too.” I laugh.

“Uh huh. I'm sure you’ll keep on surprising us all.” He nods and gives a crooked smile. “I look forward to it.”

I pause for a second. Not necessarily knowing how to take that.

I think it was meant to be comforting...

friendly. But the darkness in his eyes when he draws his mouth into that smile, that flirting type of smile, has my head spinning.

I shake my head, choosing not to go down that rabbit hole but to stay present in the happy day we’re having.

Deciding not to ruin it with over analyzing a devil may care smile.

We make our way back to the side door, shaking the excess flour out of our hair and off our clothes and return to the kitchen. It takes a little while longer but we finish our dough making, setting it to the side for dinner later.

“Thanks for your help today. It was fun,” he says.

“Thanks for letting me. I had a great time and you’re a great teacher.” I smile up at him. He returns my smile and saunters over to me, staring at the tip of my nose.

“You’ve still got a little bit... right there.

..” He slowly lifts his hand to my face.

His finger tip inches in, lightly dabbing my nose to get rid of the flour that must have stubbornly taken residence at the end of it.

It’s a charged moment with him being this close to me.

I can hardly take my eyes off of his as he concentrates on where his finger is caressing me but out of my periphery, I see his other hand spasm, as if he wants to use that one as well and is struggling to keep it by his side.

Not a breath enters my lungs as I wait to see what he does next.

Too afraid to move, to speak, to do anything that might frighten him off and end this moment.

The hand currently by my face drifts down to my jawline, his thumb ghosting over my cheek.

Just as I’m about to die from lack of oxygen, his eyelashes flutter, as if coming out from a daze.

“We, uh, we should probably go and get cleaned up.” Jax backs away, taking his hand and the cloud of electricity with him. And just like that, the moment is over, but not as harshly as those that came before. Progress, right?

“Yea, I can just imagine how cakey I am after all of that” I say, nodding to him. As I do so, a large plume of flour dust escapes my hair and slowly drifts to the floor. The sight makes us both laugh.

We separate to go and clean ourselves up with myself feeling infinitely more at ease with my situation here, now that the tension between Jax and myself has ebbed.

Or at least it seems like it has. The atmosphere wasn’t strained or awkward today, apart from my personal overreaction to a simple smile.

It was just comfortable revelry. Almost like we had been friends for years as opposed to an interloper and a guardian.

I tell myself to be optimistic about it and take it one day at a time, just like Cole suggested. This first one being a win in my book.

After taking a rather starchy shower, I make my way down the stairs and am about to turn into the living room when I run into Jax again. Literally. My face smacking right into his rock hard chest.

“Oof,” I huff out.

“Oh, shit. Sorry about that. Didn’t see you there.”

“No problem. I wasn’t exactly watching where I was going so...” I narrow my eyes at him. He’s acting… strange. He’s just inside the living room next to one of the bookshelves, his eyes not so subtly glancing towards it, bouncing with nervous energy. “Everything ok?”

“I uh... yea....” He rubs the back of his neck as he speaks, obviously hiding something.

“Ok. Well, um, I’m gonna go sit outside, if you wanted to join me? Maybe grab some drinks?” I give him my biggest smile in the hope that he would join me rather than hermiting himself inside like he has been. Sometimes people just need a little push to get out of a habit.

“Actually...I mean... if you wanted to... it can get kind of dull here day after day... sometimes...,” he says as he takes another glance towards the bookshelf, scratching his dark hair erratically.

He takes a breath and continues. “What I’m trying to say, is, if you wanted to, you’re more than welcome to take a book to read.

I have hundreds, if not thousands to choose from and in a wide range of genres. ”

He motions to the shelves I noticed the first day I explored the house, packed to the brim with paperbacks and hardbacks, Sci-Fi, thrillers, mysteries. You name it, he probably has it. It’s quite the collection.

“Wow, that’s so thoughtful. Thank you.” I move towards the shelves, eager to choose one.

Running through my knowledge of book themes, I’m obviously not about to choose a Science Fiction type because I’m living in one already.

I move my hands over the spines, slowly taking them in and wondering which will speak to me.

Mystery? No…

Horror? No…

The Complete Workings of Charles Dickens? Oh, I don’t think I have the energy…

Suddenly, I remember what I found the first time I explored these stacks.

Reaching up to the fourth shelf, I take hold of the War & Peace hardcover, pull it out of its place and reach behind it. As I do so, I hear an audible gasp from behind me. With a mischievous smile and a cocked eyebrow, I turn around holding the novel which was previously hidden.

“What about this one?” By the look of its cover, it’s obvious that this isn’t a How to Cook Hibachi guide nor is it a classic Jane Austin novel. No, this cover portrays a woman, practically naked, surrounded only by strong arms and hands hiding her most intimate of areas.

“Uh...” He coughs but straightens his back, putting confidence behind his words.

“Yeah... Uh...Yeah... that’s a good one.

Yup.” He nods, averting his eyes. I swear I could see his cheeks turning a vivid pink to red color but instead of teasing him for it I simply nod my response, turning back to the rows of possibilities and choose three more. Variety is the spice of life, right?

Dinner comes and goes and before I know it, I’m excusing myself from the table, heading up to my room to turn in for the night.

Eager for what awaits, I change into one of the extra-large t-shirts that keep on finding their way into my room and look through the book haul Jax gifted me.

I finally settle on one that looks rather steamy and, in a flash, move up on to the bed, and get comfy, pulling the soft plush covers high around me and sighing in my blissful comfort as I start reading.

It’s strange, becoming so comfortable in a strange place so easily but here I am, completely at ease with it, regardless of only being here for a short time.

These boys had to be the reason. No, not boys.

Men. Boys wouldn’t make me feel safe and protected.

Boys wouldn’t be the reason I prance down the stairs wanting to see them each morning.

No, these were men in every sense of the word.

It might be the novel I’m currently nose deep into, which is heavy with polyamorous vibes, but I can’t help imagining what it would be like, making a life with these three.

I had never given the concept of multiple lovers any thought.

Traditional teachings tell us it’s a 1:1 ratio.

Anything more than that was taboo and uncouth and not to happen in normal society.

But why not? Just because you have feelings for one doesn’t mean you couldn’t possibly have equal feelings for another?

Maybe together, they completed each other.

Each one providing an essential trait that the other didn’t.

I think back to the new men in my life and what they each offer me.

I think about Cole. The “Doc.” He’s a fixer, not just of cuts and scrapes but of the mind too.

I spoke so easily with him the other day and he made everything seem so simple.

He calmed me and reassured me which is something definitely needed amidst all of the chaos around us.

I think about Hawk. The “Joker.” How he made me laugh when I was feeling down.

How selfless and caring he is. When he looks at me, all it does is makes me want to smile.

It’s effortless. Plus, he’s just plain fun.

A free spirit just floating along for the ride, looking at the best in every situation.

Then there’s Jax. The “Dark Knight.” The guardian. While he blatantly expressed that he didn’t want anything to occur between us romantically, the feelings are still there, however platonic they may be. And that’s ok. He still makes me feel the safest out of all of them.

As I continue to think back on the days since they found me, I can’t help but smile and wish for continued good days in the future.

At this point, I can’t seem to think about how my life would have even continued without them in it.

The thought should scare me. How did I get so wrapped up in life here with them so quickly?

How did I become so dependent? But it is the way it is.

Sometimes life happens and instead of fighting its current, you just go with it.

Let the wave take you where you need to go.

And right now? I think I’m right where I belong.