Page 21 of Purgatory (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #1)

Jax

“Good girl, Sadie. Bring it back,” I call to her as she picks up the ball and prances around, taunting me like she wants me to chase her. Normally, I would. Normally, I’d be happy to chase her all over the yard, wrestle her to the ground and do it all over again. But today is not the day.

I woke up this morning, begrudgingly, threw on some clothes and went about starting my chores as usual.

Morning patrol? Done. Slower than ever but done nevertheless.

Garden duty? Nothing ready to pick and not even the hint of a weed in sight.

Chicken coop? No eggs, just broody as fuck hens.

One even tried to peck my hand off when I went looking for some. Gnarly fucker.

It’s like everything was taking a day off but me.

But I couldn’t just sit around today, regardless of how much I wanted to.

I needed to fill the time with something .

Something productive. Something intricate enough to take my mind off of everything whirling around in my brain for a little bit.

That’s when I remembered the fallen tree I came across this morning.

It fell right across a portion of the fence line and snapped the wiring.

The tree itself worked as a pretty good substitute for the time being since it was so big so I wasn’t immediately concerned about a breech in security but it did need to be removed and the fence repaired sooner rather than later.

I’m almost finished with my work on the fence but decide to take a quick break.

Fuck, I’m sweating bullets, this heat has to go.

I’d been working on the fence line steadily for a few good hours so I decided to take a seat, treat Sadie to some ball.

She loves this. Me, her and a little fuzzy tennis ball.

It's enough to really work out the kinks and stress with its normalcy.

This is what I needed, I realize. Especially after last night. Last night threw me for a loop.

What, the fuck, was I thinking yelling at her like that?

I’m a dick on the best of days but she didn’t deserve that.

Not even close to it. Her big doe eyes from the aftermath are ingrained in my brain and I wish I could just take it back.

Why did she have to come into my room? The guys told her.

Cole affirmed it. So, what was she thinking?

She’s just being human and checking on a person who was in distress, asswipe...

She startled me, when she tried to wake me up.

It’s not like this was the first time I was stuck in a nightmare, but it was the first time someone else felt its hold besides me.

The paralyzing reality of it all being that its hold was from my own treacherous hands.

I look at them now, furious at my inability to control it.

And the fact that I was so lost to the darkness, I almost hurt her.

Let’s face it, who am I kidding? I did hurt her.

My hands were crushing her throat for crying out loud.

But then, as my eyes focused on her surprised face in the dark, all I could see, all I could hear was her in the shower from earlier that night.

Those sounds she made and the correlating images I conjured slammed into my brain and I wanted her, needed her right at that moment.

Instincts took over and I went feral on the poor girl.

As soon as I realized what was happening, two things became fact.

First, I needed to get a grip on these night terrors again.

I hadn’t had a problem with them for a while until she showed up, but now that they had returned, I needed to confront the root of the problem, stop the nightmares in their tracks, before I accidentally hurt someone again.

If only I knew where to start dissecting my psyche in order to do so, it would make it so much easier to combat.

The only thing that seems to be a common denominator in this whole mess is her.

Which brings me to my second and more startling realization: I want this girl.

Not simply because she’s a female and I’m a male and I'm beyond sexually frustrated. But because she intrigues me. She’s fearless, energetic, funny, not to mention gorgeous.

This girl has some curves that makes a man just want to take a bite out of them.

She’s not big, but she’s not a twig either.

Like a nice porterhouse steak. Thick and lean and juicy and just fucking perfect.

Plus, she didn’t shy away from entering my room to check in on me, even though the guys warned her away from it.

My prickly disposition didn’t dissuade her either.

She’s got guts, I’ll give her that. And guts.

.. that tenacity? It’s fucking addictive.

So, what the fuck was my problem last night?

She felt so good beneath me. So right. Laid out before me like a fucking angel and I was the devil ready to devour her.

I nearly did. She seemed to be all for it too if her reactions were anything to go by.

But then, it was like my brain was shocked and everything felt off.

Wrong. Like I was doing something very bad and needed her to leave in a hurry before something worse happened.

Wait... an angel?

A voice in the back of my head warns of the past again. Of things I can’t change. Things I wish never happened. It’s like my psyche is catching something the rest of my brain has been overlooking.

Holy shit.

A thought strikes me like lightening. The mannerisms, the similarities.

I can hardly handle anything else right now with all the bullshit going on, but this is a fucking epiphany.

No wonder I reacted the way I did. It all makes sense now.

But, fuck me, this is even worse than I thought.

She looks just like her. They could be twins for fuck’s sake .

Holy shit is right.

As if my thoughts conjured the angel, herself, there she is. Aly, walking up the pathway from the house, flush faced and gorgeous as ever. I keep to myself, pretending I don’t see her.

It’s one thing to be cautious of her because she’s a stranger in our home, but this is a mind fuck.

It’s like the worst day of my life right in front of me all over again, ready to replay itself like a movie on repeat.

Complete with high definition and surround sound.

Karma. Shitty ass, no good, ram a curtain rod up my dick and a spatula up my ass, fucking karma.

I turn slightly, peeking back over in her direction, cause my masochistic ass just can’t help itself.

She’s wearing the same clothes she arrived in.

I make a mental note to add clothing to the guys’ supply runs.

Regardless of how I’m feeling, she deserves more than what she has and if we can provide it then we will.

Simple as that. I watch her a bit more and find myself tilting my head to the side, squinting my eyes as I take her in.

What the fuck is she doing?

You know those really bad spy movies where the main character is trying to move in the background all stealth-like but is really just drawing more attention to themselves? That’s her right now. Trying to hide behind what could barely be called a sapling....

Oh, now that’s just sad....

She starts tip-toeing, like Jim Carrey in The Mask, from one ‘tree’ to another. I shake my head and keep my lips pressed tight together to avoid letting out a laugh and giving away my position.

Oh, for Christ’s sake, is she humming the Mission Impossible theme song, now?

She just earned something special for, unknowingly, brightening my day with her feeble efforts so I sit back and appreciate her ineptitude in the moment.

Someone should really teach her a thing or two.

I’m sitting right here and she hasn’t even noticed me watching her this entire time, so maybe I should do it since I’m, apparently, better at being the sneaky one.

Suddenly, I realize where she’s headed and my heart stops for a second. Shit, I need to stop her before she goes too far. She doesn’t know. Fuck!