Page 9

9

Maya

A fter Christian leaves the house with an extra pep in his step, and Finley is fast asleep in his bed, I stare down at my cell phone in my hand.

Elle is probably still awake. If so, her and my brother are likely busy. But I really need to talk to someone, another woman, about what I did tonight. I need someone to tell me that a repeat would be an absolutely horrible idea.

So, despite the fact that my brother’s girlfriend was recently spending her nights with Christian, I find her name in my contacts and make the call.

“Hey, Maya! How’s everything going up your way?” Elle asks.

“Good. Things are good,” I reply. “How are things down there?”

“Ugh, Preston just ran out for some ice cream. He keeps bringing up me moving in with him even though we’ve only been dating for a few weeks!”

A smile lifts my lips. “I’m not surprised. My brother didn’t move to Greensboro to play hockey; he moved to be near you. It’s sweet and surprising for him.”

“I know. And I want to say yes, but it’s too soon. I know it’s too soon, and yet, it’s getting harder to refuse him. I’m afraid I’m going to give in soon, then lose my apartment, and be on the streets if things don’t work out…”

“I, um, understand the predicament that you’re in fairly well, actually.”

“Oh yeah? You have a big ass jock trying to woo you too?”

“Yes,” I say with a wince.

“Oh, wow,” Elle replies softly. “ Christian ?”

“Is it weird to talk about him with you after your history?” I ask.

“No. Of course not. That all feels like a different lifetime ago. I love Preston. He’s the only man I think about now,” she says. “So, you and Christian may be getting back together? That’s wonderful!”

“That’s not…it’s not like that we’re getting back together,” I tell her. “But tonight, we were talking, you know, about what happened in our past, the one time we tried to have sex, and I got pregnant. And then he followed me to my bedroom, locked the door and…”

“ And ? You two hooked up?”

“We fooled around a little. Over the clothes. Mostly. But that was it.”

“You had fun?” she asks.

“The most fun I’ve ever had with a man. Ever ,” I reiterate, smiling with a grin she can’t see. While Christian may be under the impression that I had never had an orgasm before, he’s only half right. I’ve taken care of matters on my own. Tonight was just the first time getting there with a man.

“But? It sounds like there’s a but coming,” Elle remarks.

“We had to be fast since Finley interrupted. We both…enjoyed ourselves. And I told Christian we couldn’t hide in the bedroom together again while he’s awake or Finley will start asking questions.”

“You didn’t rule out after he’s asleep, though?” she catches on easily.

“Right. And Christian seemed agreeable to that idea. While I liked fooling around with him, really liked it, I’m just wondering if I’m being stupid. I know it doesn’t mean anything to him, that he does this sort of thing with lots of women. Tell me I’m being stupid and that I shouldn’t do anything with him again.”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“Because things are complicated enough as it is with him just finding out he’s Finley’s father. And it could end badly like before, which would hurt Finley.” Rubbing my forehead with my free hand, I say, “I’m an idiot, aren’t I? You can be honest, Elle. That’s why I called you. I need someone to talk some sense into me.”

My brother’s girlfriend laughs. “Maya, I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think it would only be a mistake if you two aren’t on the same page, like if you still have feelings for Christian but he thinks it’s just physical. Do you still have feelings for him?”

“That’s not what tonight was about,” I reply rather than think too hard about the answer to that question. “I know we’re not going to end up back together. It could end badly, which would only hurt Finley. Besides, long distance wouldn’t work with a normal guy, much less a playboy hockey star who travels around the country every week and has beautiful, adoring fans throwing themselves at him.”

“So, it’s just going to be a casual thing during the summer for both of you? There’s no chance that you might move to Greensboro and try to be a couple?”

“I’m going to apply for jobs here. This is where Finley’s friends are and…it’s time for me to take care of myself without relying on Preston’s help. Even if he does own the house.”

“Preston loves being able to help you. It’s what he lives for. You and Finley could never be a burden to him.”

“Even so, I want to try to do this on my own, you know? And if I’m in Greensboro, it’ll be too easy to let my brother be a crutch or get my heart broken again.”

“So, it’s just a casual summer fling with Christian?”

“Yes. That’s all this is or will be.”

“Then I think that if you explain that to Christian and he’s still interested, then there’s nothing wrong with having some adult fun after Finley goes to sleep.”

Nothing wrong unless I start falling for him again , I think to myself, but don’t say.

“If anything, it would be nice to have some experience before I start dating again,” I tell Elle. “Because I do want to date. Finley is still young enough to not know what happens between a man and a woman when they’re dating, and I won’t have to introduce him to anyone unless it starts to get serious. Right?”

“Right,” Elle agrees. “He’s the perfect age that you can trust a sitter to stay with him for a few hours while you do some adulting. There’s no worry about him getting attached to any man you’re seeing until you’re ready to introduce them. Well, other than Christian. When do you plan to tell Finley that he’s his father?”

“I don’t know. I told Christian that I want him to prove to me that he could be a dependable, responsible, father-figure this summer before I tell Finley. Honestly, I’m not sure if that will be long enough for me to trust him.”

“Well, one way to make sure that things stay casual with Christian, and to see how he handles being a father, is to ask him to stay with Finley while you go out for a few hours.”

“Oh. You think I should ask Christian to babysit while I’m on a date?”

“Why not?”

“I can’t…Christian and I can’t do what we did tonight if I’m dating other people.”

“Why not?” Elle asks again. “Unless you want to ensure that he’s not seeing anyone else either…”

I don’t like the idea of Christian fooling around with another woman when he leaves my bed. I don’t like that idea at all.

“You should definitely mention that condition to Christian then, since he requires monogamy to be spelled out in no uncertain terms.”

“And if he doesn’t want to be monogamous with me while we have fun this summer?”

“Then you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it or not to keep at it.”

“I’ll bring it up tomorrow,” I agree. “Before we lay another hand on each other.”

“I’m happy for you, Maya. Whether you and Christian are hands on or off, tonight means that you’re getting back out there after nearly five years of being single. That’s a good thing. You deserve to finally have some fun, with Christian or someone else. Lots of someone elses, if you prefer.”

“That’s not going to happen. I haven’t been asked out but maybe twice since Finley was born. Only one knew about him and was still willing to date a single mother. I turned both down, though.”

“Men know when a woman is interested in getting out there or if she wants to be left alone. When you decide you’re ready to see what happens, guys will be lining up out the door for a chance to date you.”

“I seriously doubt that,” I tell her with a snort, even though her enthusiasm puts a bigger smile on my face. “Most men aren’t going to want to fool around with an inexperienced mother.” I guess that’s one good thing about Christian. Since we share a son, he knows that it’s a packaged deal. Not that he would want to buy the entire package when he’s still so busy sampling so many others.

“You’re smart and beautiful in addition to being a great mother,” Elle says. “If a man can’t handle that, then it’s their loss, not yours.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Elle.”

“Anytime you need a girl talk, I’m here. I don’t mind the nitty-gritty details either, even if he’s my ex. Christian never really felt like mine the entire time we dated. I think that was the problem, why deep down I knew it wouldn’t ever work between us. With Preston, though, he’s everything to me and has never made me feel like he could walk away and never look back.”

“Yeah, there’s no freaking way my brother would walk away from you,” I assure her. “His anger might try to get in the way sometimes, but you hold his heart in the palm of your hands.”

That’s what I want someday, too. Someone who I know I can trust to never hurt me, to never walk away.

And since Christian has already done that to me once, why in the world would I think he wouldn’t do it again?