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33

Maya

T he Carolina sun beams down. It’s warm, but not oppressively humid yet this morning, as we spread out on the checkered blanket for our picnic. We're in the middle of a grassy park in downtown Greensboro, a spot Christian picked out. Elle sits next to me with Audrey reclining on the other side of her, casually flipping through a magazine. It’s a laid-back Saturday, and I think we could all use a day like this—the kind of day where you let go of the stress and just enjoy being together. It smells like summer—freshly cut grass and the chlorine from the nearby fountain. Kids run in and out of the water whenever it bursts upward from the ground.

I glance over at Christian, who’s playing frisbee with Finley a few feet away. Finley’s giggles ring out each time Christian exaggerates a missed catch, stumbling or tripping for comedic effect. My heart does that little thing it’s been doing lately—fluttering between happiness and anxiety. I’m glad Christian’s been making an effort, and I love how much joy Finley gets from these moments, but I can’t shake the worry that things could get complicated.

Elle nudges me gently with her elbow, a knowing smile on her face. “He really is a natural,” she says, nodding toward Christian. “Finley adores him.”

“I know,” I murmur, watching as Finley throws the frisbee just a little too high, and Christian stretches to catch it before tossing it back with ease. “He’s good with him. Really good.”

Elle takes a sip from her water bottle and eyes me cautiously. “How are you holding up?”

“It’s…a lot,” I admit, pulling my knees to my chest. “I’m happy Finley has his dad in his life. But, at the same time, it’s all happening so fast. The summer has flown by and school starts soon…”

Finley will be starting kindergarten over three-hundred miles away from his father and uncle. And I’m not sure how I’ll do everything on my own.

Preston returns to us with a fresh lemonade, and sits down beside Elle, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Everything okay over here?”

Elle gives him a reassuring smile. “Maya just mentioned that school starts soon.”

“Gah.” Preston shakes his head and leans back on one arm, his long legs stretched out in front of him in his athletic attire. “I can’t believe he’s old enough to go to school. I mean, pre-school was really more like daycare. To think that he’s going to the real deal in a few weeks blows my mind. I remember holding him when he was barely bigger than my palm.”

“Time flies,” I agree.

Finley and Christian come back over to the blanket, both of them smiling. Finley’s cheeks are flushed from the sun and running around, and he flops down beside me. Christian sits next to him, a little out of breath but grinning from ear to ear.

Preston grabs the cooler and opens it, handing out sandwiches. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” he says, biting into his ham and cheese. “Elle and I were talking about our honeymoon plans, and we’ve narrowed it down to two spots. Bali or Santorini. Thoughts?”

Elle chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Ignore him. We’re not even engaged!”

“Yet,” my brother remarks.

We all know it’s only a matter of time.

“Well, I think they’re both beautiful,” Audrey chimes in from her spot, putting her magazine down. “But Santorini has those amazing views, and you could get those Instagram-worthy sunset shots.”

“Bali’s got the beaches, though,” Christian adds, reaching for a sandwich. “Plus, the diving is incredible there if you’re into that.”

I listen as the conversation flows easily between everyone, laughter and lighthearted banter filling the air. It feels good—natural, even. For a moment, I allow myself to relax and enjoy this little piece of normalcy.

“So, Maya,” Elle says, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “We have great schools around here too, and Finley seems to love it…”

Her question hangs in the air, and I stiffen slightly. I knew this topic would come up eventually, but I wasn’t prepared for her to ask it now, in the middle of a peaceful picnic, where they can all gang up on me. I glance at Preston and Christian, who are suddenly very interested in their sandwiches, though I can see the tension in Christian’s jaw.

Preston, always quick to read the room, clears his throat. “Yeah, I mean, I know you want a place of your own, but you could stay with me until you find a place. Or with Christian…”

“He offered but…” I start.

“He offered up his bachelor pad?” Audrey asks in surprise. “I barely recognize this Christian. The one who broke Elle’s heart is long gone.”

“He is,” Christian says, finally looking up. His eyes flicker toward me for a brief second, but he quickly turns back to his sandwich. “And Maya said no to all of it, so can we please just drop it?”

There’s a shift in the air, subtle but unmistakable. The conversation lingers dangerously close to what we’ve all been skirting around—the question of what’s really happening between Christian and me.

Elle shoots me a supportive smile in apology for bringing up the topic.

“I think fatherhood has been good for you,” Audrey says, breaking the silence. “Forcing you to grow up.”

Christian smiles warmly, his gaze softening as he looks at Finley. “I won’t deny that.”

Finley beams, proud of the attention on him, and scoots closer to me, leaning against my side. “Mommy,” he says, his eyes sweet and innocent when he looks up at me. “Could we please move in with Christian? I mean, with Dad?”

I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, and I wish I could explain it to my son, our son, but I can’t. And I hate that I have to figure out how to refuse his request in front of everyone.

I swallow hard, trying to find the right words. “That… would be a big change, buddy. One I’m not sure we’re ready to make yet.”

Finley tilts his head, his bright eyes looking up at me, full of curiosity. “Why not?”

I glance at Christian, who winces as if he knows it’s hard to describe.

I take a deep breath, reaching for Finley’s hand. “We are going to visit Christian and Uncle Preston as much as we can on weekends. You’ll get to see your friends and them this way.”

He seems satisfied with that answer for now, and he turns his attention back to his sandwich, happily munching away like it wasn’t a heavy conversation. But the tension between Christian and me is palpable. It’s like a giant elephant sitting in the middle of our picnic blanket, and neither of us knows how to address it.

Elle clears her throat, clearly sensing the shift in mood. “Well, we’ll give you three some time to talk. Preston and I are going to take a walk over to the fountain. Audrey, you coming?”

Audrey looks between us, then nods. “Yeah, sure. A walk sounds nice.”

The three of them all stand and wander off, leaving Christian and me alone with Finley. The sun is still shining, and the air is warm, but suddenly, I feel cold. I can sense Christian shifting beside me like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how to start.

We sit in silence for a moment, watching Finley eat his small bag of chips, completely oblivious to our tension.

“So,” Christian begins, his voice low. “How do you really feel about the city?”

I swallow hard, my heart pounding in my chest. “You know that the city was never the issue.”

“I know,” he says gently, turning to face me. “It was stupid for me to think that you would come down to visit and fall in love...”

His words hang in the air, heavy with meaning. I know he’s not just talking about me falling in love with the city.

I don’t have a job while Christian is a professional hockey player making millions here in Greensboro. If he could move up north to be with us, I know he would in a heartbeat.

So why can’t I move down here for him?

Part of me wants to say yes. Part of me wants to jump in with both feet and trust that everything will be okay. But the other part—the part that’s been hurt before, brutally even by my parents—holds me back.

“I want Finley to have his dad in his life,” I say quietly. “And you are a great father. But we have to take this slow for now. It’s not just about us anymore.”

His hazel eyes are filled with sincerity when he says, “And I’m going to wait for you for however long it takes. You’re it for me, baby.”

I bite my lip, feeling the familiar swell of emotions rise up in my chest. If only there was a way to peek into the future and see if that’s true or not.

Just as I come about as close to saying yes as ever, my phone starts to buzz in my pocket. I flinch, startled by the sudden intrusion. The sound seems deafening in the silence between us. I pull my phone out, glancing at the screen.

Spencer’s aunt, Justine.

Of all the times for her to call me, I didn’t expect it on a Saturday. Maybe she’s heard something about the job. Her boss may have made her decision.

I can feel Christian’s eyes on me, sharp and questioning. The phone keeps ringing, and I just… freeze. I can’t bring myself to answer it yet, but I also can’t ignore it. Am I ready to find out what fate has in mind for the future?

Christian doesn’t say anything, but I can sense his unease, the way his body tenses beside me. He waits, eyes narrowing slightly as the phone continues to vibrate in my hand. I should answer it or at least tell Christian who it is, but my words are stuck in my throat. I don’t know what to say.

The silence stretches on as the phone finally stops buzzing, the call going to voicemail. Christian’s expression is a mixture of concern and what I think is disappointment.

“Why didn’t you answer?” he asks, his voice almost too calm. “It was about the job at the retirement home, wasn’t it?”

“I told myself that if I didn’t get the job, I would have more of an incentive to move…”

“Did you get it?” he asks.

The phone buzzes again with a voicemail notification, vibrating against my palm like an urgent reminder of everything I’ve been avoiding. Christian lets out a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes closing for a brief second.

“Well? The suspense is killing me,” Christian says, his voice harsher now, but sounding resigned.

“I’ll… I’ll be right back,” I say quietly, getting to my feet and stepping away from Christian and Finley, avoiding his gaze as I walk a few paces to listen to the voicemail. I feel the weight of Christian’s eyes on me as I put the phone to my ear, my stomach twisting into knots.

“Hi, Maya. It’s Justine Williams from Abbotswood Retirement Community. Vivian wanted me to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. She’s had to work the night shift this week, so she asked me to call you. We would love to officially offer you the activity director position. My nephew has been hounding me to convince her to hire you, but even if Spencer hadn’t recommended you, I think Viv still would’ve picked you. Anyway, if you’re still interested, please give us a call to schedule a time to come in next week to go over all the details. Thanks, and have a great weekend!”

I got the job.

My first job ever. My first attempt at being independent.

I close my eyes, leaning against a nearby tree, the bark rough against my back. My mind is a mess of emotions, guilt swirling in my chest.

Even though I’m excited, no, elated by this opportunity, a part of me wants to refuse the position to move to North Carolina.

But depending on Preston to pay my way for nearly six years is too long.

Christian admitted that finding out he was a father helped him grow up.

Well, it’s time for me to do the same, to become independent for the first time in my life.

“Are you okay?” Christian’s voice causes my eyes to pop open.

“Finley!” I exclaim, but I see him playing keep away with Preston and Elle in the middle of the fountain.

“I know better than to leave him unattended this close to roads,” Christian mutters.

“Sorry. I just…I got lost in my own head for a minute.”

There’s a long pause before he finally says, “So? Did you get the job?”

I nod. “Yes.”

He flashes me a sad smile. “Congratulations, baby.” A second later, his strong arms are around me, pulling me to him in a tight hug.

My stupid eyes water with regret, but I blink the tears away and swallow past the burning in my throat. This is what I wanted. It’s fate.

“Thank you,” I reply.

When Christian pulls back, he keeps his palms on my waist and stares down at me. “We’re going to make this work, okay? Not just for Finley, but for us. I’ll sign up for a reality show and have cameras follow me around twenty-four hours a day, if that’s what you need to trust me.”

I laugh at his offer. “Thanks, but that would be so wrong. I just need time.”

“I just need you,” he says, pressing a kiss to my lips, then resting his forehead against mine. “I should’ve told you that years ago, but I think I was scared.”

“You were scared, huh?” I ask.

“Scared of loving you, needing you. I…I lost the only other woman I ever loved.”

A stab of jealousy nearly brings me to my knees. “Who…” I start to ask, unsure if I want to know her name.

“My mom,” he says softly.

“Your mom?” I ask sadly.

“She was in a bad car accident when I was thirteen. I sat by her bed every day for weeks while she was in a coma, hoping she would get better before my dad…” Christian clears his throat. “She was an organ donor, so he eventually made the call to save people who had a real chance of making it.”

“I’m so sorry,” I tell him as I cup the side of his face. “I had no idea. Preston never mentioned it…”

“Preston doesn’t know. Nobody does. Hockey was my escape, my distraction for the next several years. It still is, I guess. But I’ve never been fast enough to out skate the memories completely.”

“You never stop missing her, do you?” I ask. While it’s not the same thing, my mother is still alive, and I’m just dead to her.

He shakes his head. “She was an amazing mom like you. She came to every single one of my games and supported my dream of going pro. She never had any doubt, even when my father thought I should give hockey up because I was failing in school...”

“I wish I could’ve met her,” I tell him.

“Me too.”

“Her accident is why I’m still a nervous wreck driving…”

“You-you get nervous driving?” I ask him in concern. “And you still drove five hours to visit us?”

“Well, yeah. I would do anything for you and Finley. I would drive across the country every single day if I had to,” he says with a grin.

And I don’t doubt his assertion for a second. He would do anything for us.

Learning all this about Christian’s past, how he lost his mom so unexpectedly as a teenager and hates driving, well, it feels like the universe is trying to give me another reason why I should give in and move to North Carolina.

But I can’t upend my and Finley’s life to move after a few happy weeks with Christian. Once hockey season starts, it won’t matter if we’re three hundred or three miles away, he’s going to be too busy for us.

Christian

I don’t know why I told Maya about my mom. Or why I hadn’t told her before now.

I guess, since we’re starting over, I just wanted her to understand how messed up I still was when we were younger. The pain of losing someone you love makes it damn hard to want to do it all over again.

But I would’ve tried my damnedest for Maya years ago if she had given me another chance. Because I knew, even then, that I was already in love with her when I left her to go pro.