Page 17

17

Maya

I didn’t sleep much last night.

How could I after my argument with Christian?

But it doesn’t matter that I want him. It’s not enough.

When I became a mother, all my decisions began to revolve around my son. I have to do what’s best for Finley, no matter what. I can’t be selfish and drag out this thing with Christian, knowing it’ll likely end badly.

Christian wants to be Finley’s father; he’s made that perfectly clear this summer, which means he’ll always be a part of my life too. I need to be able to look at him, to be near him, without my heart constantly aching for him to be mine.

Heading down to the kitchen before my shower this morning since I doubt Christian will be showing up early, I fix a pot of coffee to try to wake myself up. I need to snap out of this funk I’ve been in since he walked out the door last night.

I’m on my second cup when Preston comes lumbering into the kitchen, still half asleep.

“Morning,” he mumbles.

“Morning,” I reply.

Neither of us say anything else until he sits down at the head of the table in what had started to become Christian’s seat…

“You okay?” my brother asks.

I shrug, not really wanting to get into it. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” he presses. “In fact, you look like you’re on the verge of tears,” he adds, obviously not buying my lie. And I guess I look as bad as I feel. He stares me down with an expression that says he knows something’s up, he’s not going to let it go, so I better start talking.

“What’s going on, Maya?” he asks, then takes a sip of his coffee.

I sigh and rub my temples where a headache is pounding away. I know Preston means well,but if I talk about it right now, I’ll probably burst into tears. If my overprotective brother finds out the tears are because of Christian, he’ll go flying out the door to beat his ass without even knowing the man didn’t do anything wrong. So, I lie. “I’m just… tired.”

Preston narrows his eyes, clearly not buying it. “Is this about Christian?”

I stiffen and blink back tears at just the mention of his name, my heart thumping away in my chest. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone, but especially not Preston.

I have to clear the emotion from my throat before I can say, “It’s not about Christian. Just drop it, okay?”

“So, you just want me and Elle to pretend like we didn’t hear the two of you yelling at each other late last night from inside your bedroom?”

“Oh, god.” Crossing my arms on the table, I slam my head into them, burying my face. “You heard us?”

“Yes. Thankfully, just the argument and nothing else.”

“Ugh,” I groan. At least there’s that. “Do you think Finley heard?” I mutter without lifting my head.

“Probably not. He could sleep through a train coming through the house.”

“Good. That’s good.” And it’s exactly the reason why Christian and I need to end things now, no matter how good physically it might feel to be with him. I don’t want my son to grow up hearing arguments, wondering what we’re fighting about.

“Maya, come on. As long as it’s not about s-e-x, you know you can talk to me about anything. Save the other stuff for Elle, will you?”

“Don’t worry. I will never, ever talk to you about s-e-x,” I promise him, before finally lifting my head from the table. “Okay, so, for the past few weeks, Christian has been…spending time with me after Finley goes to bed.”

Preston cringes and slumps lower in his chair. “What did I just say?”

“I’m not going to go into details. I’m just trying to explain what our argument was about. Last night, I told him it was the last night, that we should stop.”

“And he doesn’t want to…stop?” he guesses with a wince.

“He doesn’t. But it’s for the best.”

Groaning up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact with me, Preston says, “I hope I don’t regret asking this, but why is it for the best?”

“Because he’s Christian fucking Riley!” I shout, before slapping my palm over my mouth. Here’s hoping Finley is still sound asleep. “You know his reputation as well as I do, Preston.”

“You’re afraid he’s going to cheat on you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a valid concern. He’s got a reputation as a playboy.”

“Right,” I agree with a nod.

“Did he ever cheat on you before?”

“Not that I know of.”

“And has he gone behind your back with anyone this summer?”

“Again, not that I know of.”

“So, he’s never cheated on you, but you worry he might in the future?”

“Yes. Exactly. I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully trust him when he’s traveling with the team or living a state away…”

“How do you know other guys you date won’t cheat?”

“I don’t.”

“But you trust strangers more than Christian?”

I consider his question for a moment, then shrug. “Depends on the person and their reputation, but maybe.”

“Wow. That is a huge problem.”

“I know. That’s why I ended things.”

“No, Maya. I meant, there are a lot of cheaters in the world, men and women. The odds of you dating someone who messes around behind your back is extremely high.”

“Thank you for that happy little assessment.”

“What I’m trying to say is that there’s no way for you to know who is a cheater and who isn’t until they prove themselves either way.”

“Oh.”

“The only way to know for sure is to take a chance on someone, give them the benefit of the doubt, then pray they don’t hurt you. That plan doesn’t just apply to Christian, it applies to all men.”

“So, your advice is to let myself keep falling back in love with him until he screws me over and hurts me again, ruining our relationship to the point that we can’t tolerate each other for more than ten seconds in front of our son?”

“I didn’t say that was my advice. I said you have to decide if the risk is worth taking or not. Apparently, you don’t think Christian deserves a chance to prove that he can be faithful.”

Shaking my head, I tell him honestly, “I would go crazy wondering about where he’s at or who he’s with back in Greensboro while I’m here…”

“So why not move to be closer?”

“Ugh, not you too!” I huff. “That was another part of our argument last night. Christian asked me to move in with him.”

“Jesus,” Preston whispers. “He really must have it bad for you.”

“I’m not moving to North Carolina, and Finley and I are definitely not moving in with him,” I tell my brother. “He doesn’t seem to want to accept my decision.”

“That might be my fault,” Preston admits with a frown.

“What do you mean?”

“I may have urged him to try to fix things with you so you and Finley would move to Greensboro.”

“Why…how could you do that?” I snap at him.

“Because I miss you and Finley! I worry about you two up here alone. I’m glad Christian has been around during the summer, but once training starts, you’ll be alone.”

“I don’t need a man to come check on me and Finley,” I assure him. “But I am going to consider dating…”

“Yeah? So that’s another reason you put a stop to things with Christian?”

“Not really, but it doesn’t help. At Finley’s birthday party, Spencer Williams sort of asked me out.”

“Really?” Preston says, his eyes widening in surprise. I nod, then tap my fingernails on my coffee mug, waiting for his barrage of angry curses about how I should stay away from the goalie, but they don’t come.

“What? You’re not going to tell me to avoid him or go warn him to keep his hands to himself?”

“Nah, Spencer’s a good guy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He’s young, about your age. Since he’s not a starter, he doesn’t have the same ego and shit as the other players. I approve.”

“I wasn’t asking for your approval, Preston. Although it is infinitely better than your adamant objection.”

“You told Christian about Spencer asking you out?” my brother asks.

“Yes.”

“How did he react?”

“Not great. He accused me of bailing on him.”

“Can you blame him? How would you feel if the roles were reversed and last night he told you he agreed to a date with some mom he met at Finley’s party?”

“I didn’t agree to go on a date with Spencer. He’s going to give Finley a jersey, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I would hate it if Christian was with someone else. That’s why ending things is the right decision,” I explain. “I’ll have to see that man for the rest of my life. It’s better to end as friends than to break-up hurt and end up hating each other.”

I don’t ever want to be as vulnerable as I felt when he left me alone in that hotel room, or left me alone to handle our unexpected pregnancy.

“I need to try to move on, Preston. It’s been almost six years now since Christian and I gave dating a try and it failed. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with because I couldn’t bear to let him go yet. But I have to give up on a happily ever after for us, for Finley’s sake.”

“I’m sorry,” Preston says quietly. “I hate that things are so complicated between you two.”

“Same,” I agree as I blink away tears as I finally admit that last night was about finally letting go of him for good.

Preston sets his coffee down on the table, then gets up to come over to my chair. When he wraps me in a tight hug, the dam breaks. I give up trying to keep it all bottled inside.

Burying my face in his chest, I let go of the frustration, the confusion, the fear I’ve been holding inside. But worst of all, I let go of that tiny little smidgen of hope I still had left for us.

“It’s okay,” Preston whispers, stroking my hair. “You’re going to be okay, Maya.”

I sob against him, my whole body shaking. “I hate it,” I choke out. “But I don’t know what else to do.”

Preston doesn’t say anything right away, he just holds me, letting me cry. When my sobs finally start to quiet, he pulls back and looks down at me, his expression soft and understanding.

“I wish I could fix it all or give you some wise brotherly advice, but I don’t have any in this situation,” he says. “You’re the only one who can make this decision. I know you’ll do what’s best for you and Finley. You always do.”

I nod, wiping my eyes. He’s right. I will always do what’s right for Finley. But that doesn’t make this any easier.

The truth is, I’m devastated. I already miss Christian being mine for a few hours a night. I still have feelings for him. Maybe I always will. All I know is that it’s time for me to finally move on once and for all.

Preston sighs and rubs the back of his neck, clearly thinking about what to say next. “Look, I’m not sure what else I can say to help, but I will say this—everything happens for a reason. I never expected to meet the love of my life in a rival team’s parking lot asking for a selfie that turned into a kiss that went viral. Things were complicated at first with Elle. She was nervous about trusting me after having her heart broken, and I didn’t see how I could put a relationship before my family and career. But it all worked out in the end.”

“You and Elle…that was fate,” I tell him rather than point out that he did have to give up his family, Finley and me, to be with her.

“It was definitely fate,” he agrees with a smile. “And one day, I know you’ll find that sort of love, too. Maybe it’s Christian or maybe it’s someone else. When it’s right, you’ll know because you won’t be able to live without them.”

“I’ve lived without Christian for nearly six years, so he may not be the one for me.”

“I’m not sure if that’s entirely true,” Preston remarks.

“What do you mean? I didn’t even speak to him again until a few weeks ago.”

“True, but you’ve kept a little piece of him close all these years…”

Finley.

At the reminder of our son, I smile, feeling a little lighter. “Thanks, Preston,” I say just before I hear the soft knock on the door.

My brother and I both freeze for a second before Finley comes running through the house yelling, “Christian’s here!”

I guess I was wrong about one thing—he’s here just as early as usual.

“I need to shower and pull myself together. Do you mind…?” I ask Preston as I push my chair back to get to my feet.

“I’ll get the door. Take as much time as you need,” he says with a sad smile.