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Christian

I t takes me twice as long as usual to get to Maya’s. Most of that time was spent when I pulled over to get my shit together.

All night long, I thought about calling her to confess what I had done. Even though I knew she would be angry, I wanted to beg for her help to convince Finley to speak to me again, to forgive me.

And it turns out, everything is going to be fine.

At least that’s what Maya said.

Even after bawling like a baby, the tears falling in relief, there’s still a nervous twist in my guts when I walk up to the front door. Maya opens it before I have a chance to knock.

“Hey,” she says with a sad, half smile as she stands in the doorway in her pajamas, her long hair tussled from sleep. She’s never looked more beautiful.

“Hey.” After I blink to ensure that the waterworks have been forcefully turned off, I say to her, “Thank you for not hating me for telling him.”

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I really thought it was best, though, at first…”

“I know you did. And you had good reasons. Honestly, I was a little relieved to just be his friend at first, to take some of the pressure off being the perfect dad when I was so clueless about what that meant. Now…now it’s like everything’s changed, become more intense. There’s no room for error, you know?”

“I know,” she replies. “Come on in. Finley just went out to the backyard.” She holds the door open for me to step through, like I’ve done so many times before this summer. Still, this time is definitely different. “I’ll go shower and give you two a moment alone.”

“Thanks,” I tell her before I walk straight through the kitchen to the back door.

Unlike usual, Finley isn’t running around the yard with a hockey stick in his hand. He’s sitting on the steps, his narrow shoulders hunched.

Going over, I take a seat on the step next to him and he glances over at me. His big brown eyes are full of pain. That would’ve been enough to bring me to my knees if I wasn’t already sitting down.

“How are you doing, buddy?” I ask him softly. “Are you okay? I mean, after what I told you last night? It’s okay if you’re not…”

“I’m sorry I got mad at you,” he says, which is the last thing I expected. “Mommy said you left town before she had me.”

“Right. That-that is true.”

“She said…she said that you would’ve come around sooner if you had known you were my dad. Is that true?” he asks hesitantly.

“I swear on all that is hockey that I would’ve been here as much as possible if I knew sooner. Finding out you were my son was the best day of my life.”

He nods as if he believes me. “And you’ll keep coming to play with me until you have to go back to Greensboro?”

“Yes, absolutely. And I wish you could come with me, but your school and friends are all here. Hopefully, you and your mom can come visit. I’ll call you every night if I don’t have a game. It would be too late to call you on those nights, but we can talk before, in the afternoons then. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Even if I don’t get to see you every day, I’ll be thinking about you,” I promise him. “I love you, buddy. I’ve loved you since the second I found out you were my son.”

He stares at me, letting that information sink in. Then asks, “Do I have to keep calling you Christian or can I call you dad?”

“Sure, yes. You can call me whatever you want. Whatever you think feels right, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies with a nod.

“Any other questions?”

He shakes his head, so I say, “Race you to the goal?”

A smile spreads across his face before he shoots up from the step and takes off with a five second head start.

And then we spend the day playing like every other day, as if nothing has changed, which is a huge relief.

Finley doesn’t call me daddy or dad, which is a little disappointing, but I don’t want to rush him. One day, though, I hope to earn the privilege of being his dad in every possible way.

Maya

“Hey, how are you and my favorite nephew doing?” Preston asks when he picks up my call.

“Ah, well, things have been better,” I confess, which is the reason I’m calling him.

“What’s wrong? Do I need to come up there?”

“No. Although, I did consider having you come kick Christian’s ass for a few seconds this morning.”

“Seriously? What the fuck did he do?”

“Everything is fine now, I think,” I admit, leaning back against the kitchen counter with the phone pressed to my ear. “Yesterday, while Christian was babysitting for me to go to a job interview, he came out and told Finley that he’s his father. Then, he didn’t even give me a head’s up before he left the house last night!”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“And how did Finley take the news?” he asks.

“Well, he didn’t come out of his room last night. Then this morning he looked so pitiful when he came into the kitchen and asked me if it was true, catching me completely off-guard.”

Preston is silent for a moment, and I can practically hear him thinking on the other end of the line. “And you told him he was?”

“Yes,” I reply quietly, the weight of the question still hanging over me. “I told him the truth and explained that the reason Christian hadn’t been around was because he didn’t know he was his father until recently, the day he met Finley and gave him his jersey.”

“Well, it’s nice of you to take the blame off Christian, even though he spilled the beans before you were ready. Why have you been waiting?”

“I don’t know! I just…I wanted to make sure Christian understood how important this was and that he was all in.”

Preston sighs, and I can hear the rustle of him shifting in his chair. “Maya, just admit it. You were scared, right?

I roll my eyes, even though he can’t see me. “Of course I was scared. I wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout yet. I wanted Christian to prove that he was devoted to being here for Finley.”

“And he hasn’t done that by coming up to Bethesda, living out of a hotel, and seeing him every day of the summer?”

“I just don’t want Christian to break Finley’s heart like he broke mine.”

Preston’s voice softens when he says, “Look, I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be easy now that Finley knows the truth. It’s not. But you’ve already taken the first step by letting him be part of Finley’s life. I’m sure Christian will make an effort to see him and talk to him as much as he can during the season, too.”

“Yeah, I think you’re probably right about that.”

“So then, why do you sound so depressed?”

“Because…because now Christian is a part of my life, our life, forever and…it’s not easy to be around him.”

“Oh. You weren’t just scared for Finley’s sake. You were scared for yourself,” Preston mutters. “You still have feelings for him, don’t you?”

“I wish I didn’t, but the more time he spends here the worse it gets.”

“So, the real question is whether you’re going to take a chance on him as more than Finley’s father, right?”

I bite my lip, feeling the sting of those words. “I would love that. But I don’t know if I can trust him again in a romantic relationship. And if it ended badly, it would hurt Finley.”

“Trust isn’t about certainty, Maya,” Preston says gently. “It’s about taking a risk. Do you think Christian’s earned another chance with you or not? You know he’s earned the right to be Finley’s father in every way, so that just leaves one question. Has he earned back the right to be with you?”

I pause, thinking back to the nights we fooled around together, how he looked at me and worshipped me. Then, when he asked me to not just move to Greensboro but to move in with him. The old Christian would’ve probably run from the idea of such a huge commitment, not practically begged me for it.

“I think he has,” I admit quietly.

“Then maybe it’s time to follow your heart,” Preston says. “Not just for Finley, but for yourself.”

I close my eyes, letting his words sink in. “What if I get hurt again? What if we have a falling out and can’t stand to be in the same room again? How can we raise Finley together if we hate each other?”

Preston’s voice is firm but kind. “Finley didn’t know Christian was his father for weeks. I’m sure the two of you could give things another try without him realizing what’s happening. And you’ll never know unless you do exactly that—try.”

I swallow hard, feeling the tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “I’m just so tired, Preston. Tired of being strong when I’m so scared. Tired of not knowing what to do or what the future holds. It’s all great now, but how long could that happiness last?”

“I get it,” my brother says softly. “But none of us know what the future holds. And you’re stronger than you think, Maya. You’ve already been through the worst with our parents, having Finley so young, and you came out the other side. Don’t let fear keep you from something that could turn out to be great. It’s not just Finley who deserves to be happy. You deserve it too, you know?”

Preston’s words hit me hard, like a wave crashing over me, dragging me under. I want to believe Christian. And Preston. I want to believe that I deserve happiness too after all the loneliness. But the fear, the doubt—they’re still there, lurking in the background thanks to how much it hurt when Christian left and my parents abandoned me rather than love me because I was pregnant. If I had told them I got pregnant but didn’t technically have sex, they would’ve accused me of lying.

“Just think about it,” Preston adds. “And take your time. You’re right not to rush into anything for Finley’s sake. But don’t shut Christian out forever out of fear of the unknown. You owe it to yourself to at least give it a chance if you still have feelings for him.”

“You’re that certain Christian still has feelings for me, too?” I ask, while chewing on my bottom lip.

“Maya, that man might be a pain in my ass most of the time, but I think he always loved you. You broke his heart too, remember?”

I smile. “Fine, I’ll…think about it.”

“Good,” Preston says, his tone lightening. “And if you still need me to come kick his ass, I’ll come right up there no matter the time or day. You know that, right?”

I laugh despite the tears in my eyes. “Yes, I know that. Thank you, Preston.”

“Do you need me to come up there for all the daddy drama?” he asks again.

“No. No, we’re fine. I’m sorry to bother you.”

“Call me anytime, Maya. That’s what I’m here for.”

We hang up, and I’m left standing in the kitchen, my mind swirling with everything he said. He’s right. I can’t let fear rule my life forever. But letting Christian in again—it’s terrifying. The stakes are so much higher now with Finley involved. We can’t afford to mess this up a second time.