Page 53 of Playing for Keeps (Seattle Hawks Ice Hockey #4)

He must think I’m a sap, but more hot tears make their way out of my eyeballs. I try to hold them at bay and collect myself by using those breathing techniques I’ve heard Jade talk about, the same ones Taylor is always thrusting upon us. “I hope for that too, if she’ll have me.”

“You’re good for each other,” he says. “I’m not surprised you got together. Just look after each other, that’s all I ask.”

“I will. You know it.”

“It’s easy a few weeks or months in. But it’s the years that go by that count, you need to show up every day for each other, if that’s what you decide to do. If you can do that, like you’ve done for your hockey career, you’ll never let it go.”

“I agree. I love your daughter,” I say. “I think I always have.”

“She loves you too, I can tell by the way she looks at you.”

I pique an eyebrow, shocked at his words. “You can?”

“I know my daughter,” he says.

“All I want is to be worthy of her. And that’s the part I struggle with. I’m trying,” I sigh.

“You are more than worthy, Jay Jefferson. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different, okay?” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his side, and I hug him as Robbie jumps up at me again.

“Okay.” I nod.

And it’s like he’s saving me all over again, just like he and Robbie did that day in the storm. At least this time, the circumstances are different and we’re not being pelted with crazy ass rain and I’m not drunk.

“Now, will you come away from that fucking edge, the last thing I want you to do is slip.” He tugs me away from the cliff face and we walk back to the parking lot with Robbie happily walking between us.

It’s then I see Jade leaning on the bonnet of her dad’s car. I turn and look at Billy. He shrugs like he knew nothing, but he knew all along.

“I insisted on coming along,” she says as we draw closer. “Dad said he knew where you’d be. I guess he was right.”

“Usually am,” Billy adds, opening the passenger door and letting Robbie jump in.

“You two talk, okay? I’ll see you at home.”

“Thanks,” I say to Billy, he truly is one of my favorite people on the planet.

“See you at home, Dad,” Jade says softly.

I stick my hands in my pockets after we wave him goodbye and look at my shoes. “I’m sorry I took off like that,” I say.

She reaches out to take my hand and holds it around mine. “Jay, it’s alright. I know this stuff is hard. You don’t have to apologize. You don’t always have to be the guy that has all the answers. It’s okay to not know sometimes.”

“I’ve had to keep all the pieces together my whole life, Baby Girl,” I say. “I always felt like if I dropped one of those pieces, everything would be even more messed up. And I couldn’t afford for that to happen.”

“It’s okay to think about yourself,” she whispers. “Becoming unglued a little and dropping the pieces is just part of life. You don’t always have to have a smile and joke if you’re not feeling it.”

“I’m just starting to realize that,” I admit. “The thing is, you make everything better, J. You always have. You’ve always been like sunshine on a cloudy day for me.”

She looks up at me and smiles the most beautiful smile, and it’s then I see the love and warmth in her eyes. I know it without her even saying it. It’s true, she loves me. “You’ve always been that for me, too,” she says. “I think I had a crush on you way back when.”

“You did?”

“Couldn’t you tell?”

I laugh under my breath. “Actually, not really. You kept your cards close to your chest. And in some ways, I’ve done that, too. With everything. It was different the minute you came back into my life. I don’t know exactly what it was, but you feel like home.”

“Jay, that’s so sweet.” She wraps her arms around my middle and presses her face to my chest, hugging me tight. I place my arms around her, too, and kiss the top of her hair.

“You’ve made me realize so many things, your family has been pivotal in helping me every step of the way. Even now, your dad has made me see that I’m worthy of love and being someone people care about.”

Her beautiful eyes pop wide as she lifts her head from my chest to look at me. “Of course you’re worthy, Baby. Why would you think you’re not?”

I sigh. The feeling is deep and raw because it’s been so embedded, and I know I need to let down that guard I’ve held up for so damned long.

It’s become a fortress around my heart. “Through years of being unwelcome and unwanted by my mom, it really shaped how I thought over the years. It’s been a hard thing to shake, always niggling at the back of my mind why she couldn’t love me and be like a regular mom. ”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. There must be a part of her that regrets it, but either way, you are worthy. No matter what anyone did or said to you. You’re the light that shines brighter than any star in the sky.”

I feel on the verge of damned tears again. I hold my breath to see if they can escape me, but there’s no telling how it will go. “It’s taken me a long time to believe anything close to it,” I say, my voice a whisper, in case it cracks.

“No matter what happens with your mom, or with anything, I’ll always be here for you. My family will, too.”

“I love you,” I whisper, the tears I tried to keep at bay, that I thought Billy would be the only witness to, roll down my face. “And maybe you think it’s too soon…”

She squeezes me tighter and reaches up to her tippy toes to plant a kiss on my lips. “It’s not too soon. I love you, too.” Her dainty fingers reach to wipe my tears, which land unceremoniously on my cheeks, and slide down.

“Does that mean I should take you on a date now?” I laugh, not really caring now if they spill or not. For her to see me like this at my most vulnerable is a huge milestone for me.

“Maybe if you take me to Wasabi Whispers again, we can officially call it a date,” she states with a mischievous laugh. “And if you eat tofu and seaweed again, I’ll really know it’s love.”

We both laugh until it hurts, but in a good way. It’s always in a good way with her and I can’t believe my fucking luck.

“It’s a date then, you know I didn’t even mind that dish. And we can work out the rest later.”

Yes, there is that thing about us living in different cities and Jade possibly taking that job at the gym in San Diego while she works on her business. And even though I know commuting would be hard, and it would kill me to be apart if it was for long periods, we have to start somewhere.

“Between my yoga and your playing, I’m sure we can find some common ground.”

I bend to kiss her again, my heart feeling so full and warm that it could literally burst. I may not have it all figured out yet, but I know it will come if I let it. Jade will be here for me no matter what, I know that now.

“You know I’m willing to do anything it takes,” I breathe in her scent and fucking thank the heavens that her family came into my life when they did, and that she’s mine. “I’m playing for keeps with you, Princess.”

She smiles up at me, her eyes twinkling like the stars. “You’re the sweetest, you really are.” I bend to kiss her. “Have you always wanted to use that line?” Her little giggle spreads warmth through me like no other.

I hug her a little tighter, lifting her slightly off the ground as we hold each other like we’re never gonna let go. “That’s strictly reserved for you. Only you, always.”