Page 30 of Playing for Keeps (Seattle Hawks Ice Hockey #4)

Jay

I see nothing else for the remainder of the evening except for Jade and only her.

Even when the guys all insist we grab a bite together because it’s Jade’s last night before she leaves.

I want to whisk her away and explore that beautiful perky mouth a little deeper, but I don’t know for sure if it was a one off.

Okay, so it’s technically the second time, but who’s counting?

All I know is it was something I’ve been dreaming of for months, and I want her so fucking bad.

My desire for her ignited the second her eyes met mine off the ice, my body going into a fully fledged I only have eyes for Jade Jones mode.

And to think Janey just about ruined things again. I’ve really got to have a word to Marcy about how some of these girls keep getting let into the players’ lounge and what line she’s spinning them to be there in the first place.

She doesn’t seem to get the fact that we had a wild night one time, months ago, and I’m not interested in repeating it. She knew the deal. I never promise any of the girls anything. In fact, I make it more than clear that it’s a one-time thing and I’m not looking for anything more.

The look on Jade’s face when I turned around and knew she’d seen Janey wrap her arms around me told me she was upset. The way her wide eyes glazed over and she tried to hide her shock by turning away from me.

I never want her to turn away from me, or run from me. To think I’d be the cause of anything like that doesn’t sit well with me.

For the remainder of the evening, I have to be social, keep my hands to myself and act like I don’t want to whisk her off and spend the last bit of time she has alone. It’s like I have itchy palms, palms that want to discover every last inch of her.

And fuck, I know it’s wrong.

Tanner and I have a friendship that runs a decade deep, maybe he should know I have feelings for Jade before anything happens.

What the fuck I would say niggles around the edges, guilt staring me square in the face, but I chose to ignore it, at least for tonight.

I can swim around in my guilt all I want when she’s left for San Diego.

I’ll have plenty of time to do that before the wedding.

And that’s the other reason I can’t fuck this up, not just that she’s Tanner’s sister that I’ve known for so long, but she’s the girl who helped me get through my final exams before I left for North Dakota.

The girl who saw me at my worst after that night out in the storm, but she never pressed me for information, or looked at me with pity like her mom did.

She’s never judged me in any way, shape or form for having a drunk for a mother.

She was there for me without even knowing she did it. And I’ve valued our friendship ever since.

I would never, ever hurt her.

Of course, one kiss doesn’t mean she wants to run off into the sunset with me before she catches the first flight out of here in the morning, but she confirmed the spark between us when she kissed me back.

Somewhere in the haze of it all, I get the fact she may just need to take things slow, if she wants anything at all. But the larger part of me is screaming I can be here for the long-haul and it doesn’t even scare me. Not like it does with other women.

The only thing that scares me is that I may not be good enough for her. Somewhere underneath it all, despite the good people I’ve had in my life since I left my mom at age seventeen, I still feel unworthy of love. My own mother didn’t want or love me, so why would anyone else?

It bristles around the edges of my resolve, causing gooseflesh to travel up my arms, but I try to ignore it and push it back down. Nothing good ever comes from thinking about the past or why anyone would want to take a chance in loving me.

“You okay, man?” Ty braces a hand on my shoulder when the girls all get up together and head out to the restroom. They’re like their own little posse.

Turning to my best friend, I nod. It may be hesitant and wistful, but what am I supposed to say? I don’t understand why all that past shit is coming up in the first place. I’m surprised he even noticed a change in me, but I guess he’s not the captain and my best friend in Seattle for nothing.

“I’m fine.”

He looks at me dubiously, but I sling an arm around him and tell him how good that last power play was against Dallas. We’re all thrilled about the win.

When the girls make their way back, I glance at my watch and realize it’s getting late.

Later than I thought, and we need to wrap up the evening.

One by one, we say our goodbyes and my teammates start to go their separate ways with their lady loves, leaving just me, Jake, Beth and Jade standing out on the sidewalk.

“I can give you a ride home?” I hear Jake say with a tilt of his head in Beth’s direction.

My eyebrows shoot up as I look at Jade. There still hasn’t been a chance yet to put in any kind of word for her with Jake, I’m fucking hopeless.

I’m still surprised he even remembered they’d met after that night.

They were both pretty tipsy. But Jake surprises me in many ways, and he hasn’t been drinking much tonight, one beer with dinner. I’m the same.

Without even hearing Beth’s reply, it’s obvious she’s going to take him up on his offer.

So I offer to drive Jade back to Beth’s place right behind them. I know she’s beat and has to be up in a few hours for her flight.

“I can drive you to the airport in the morning?” I offer when we ride over to Beth’s apartment, the warmth of my heater blowing out in a gentle hum.

“You’re so sweet, Jay. But the flight is at six-thirty. I’ve ordered an Uber to take me.”

I sigh, not sure I’m happy with that. “I’m gonna miss you, J. It’s gonna be weird around here without you.”

“No one to cook you breakfast on your morning off, more like.”

A laugh bubbles from my throat, echoing around us as the city passes by in a blur. “It sure was a great breakfast, and I’m more than happy for you to cook for me when I come over for the wedding.”

She laughs too, sweet and musical, a sound I want to save to my memory bank because it’s going to be a while before I hear it again. “Deal.”

I’m unfortunately at Beth’s place in no time at all, pulling in out front of her townhouse. I wanted to ask her to come back with me to my apartment, but another part of me doesn’t want to come off too strong, even if we did kiss back at the stadium and I fucking know she was into it.

“I’ll hold you to it, you know that, right?” I turn slightly and lean towards her, the seat crunching with the shift of my weight, and she turns her head to look at me. Sparkling eyes dance up at me in the moonlight, and I press my forehead to hers.

“That kiss was amazing,” I whisper. “All cooking jokes aside, I am really going to miss you.”

“So are you,” she whispers back. “Amazing, I mean. I’ll miss you, too.”

My heart thrums deep inside my chest, my pulse stronger than ever at her words.

My fingers ache to touch her, my lips feel like they’re on fire, and I don’t even want to think about my dick right now.

But that’s not all I want from her. I know she’s been hurt before.

I’ll do whatever it takes to show her not all guys are douchebags.

“What are we gonna do?” I ask on a sigh.

I know I want to envelop her in my arms and never let her go.

I need her in any way she’s willing to give.

”We’re going to practice our dance lessons and meet up with Markus via Skype on Monday,” she says. “Better get those tap dancing shoes out.”

“Fuck, I forgot about that.”

She tsks, but it turns into another sweet laugh. “We’ll talk,” she says.

“But the kiss,” I intervene. I’m not letting her off that easily. I wanna know the score before she leaves the car. “You might not want to admit it, but you kissed me back. And it wasn’t like you didn’t know who I was this time.”

She curls her lip under as she stares at me. She looks so fucking cute in her Seattle Hawks hat; I need to get her the whole kit. “Jay,” she whispers, when she releases it, my name blowing out in a whisper, and fuck do I love the way it sounds.

“You gonna deny it, Princess?”

Her eyes flick down at her purse on the floor where she reaches for it, pulling out her cell phone. “I’m not denying it. But it makes things complicated.”

I lean my elbow on the steering wheel and watch her, the squeeze on my chest is real.

“I’m just quickly texting Beth to see if she’s okay. It doesn’t look like they’re here,” she says, nodding toward the house. “And we set off right after them.”

I nod and wait while she quickly types out her message. Any excuse to spend whatever time I have left with her is fine by me.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Jake will be on his best behavior and he’ll bring her home in one piece.”

She gives me a withering look as her phone beeps quietly from the palm of her hand. Glancing down, a little chuckle and a shake of her head tells me that things are fine.

“They stopped off for hot fudge sundaes,” she reads out the message.

I laugh. “See. Told ya.”

“Only Beth would find a hot fudge sundae bar open at this hour.”

“Probably the McDonald’s drive-through,” I muse.

“I love how they never offered to get us one.”

“For some reason, I don’t think either of them are thinking about us.” I fold my arms over my chest, liking the fact she doesn’t seem in a hurry to leave. “Which brings me back to why you say this is complicated?”

She blows out a breath and looks down at her hands, which are knitted tightly together in her lap. I don’t want her to be tense, I want her to open up to me. “Isn’t it?”

I cock my head. “Does it have to be? I mean, the more time I spend with you, J, the more I like it and I mean, I really, really like it.”

“I like it too, you’re fun and we have a great time no matter what we’re doing.”

“I sense a but in here somewhere.”

“This is all new to me, too,” she says. “We kissed, Jay, it’s a big deal for me. I’m just trying to process it.”

“It’s a big deal for me, too.”

Her fingers find my forearm before I even realize, and she squeezes around the material of my Hawks hoodie. “Well, let’s each get our bearings.”

“It’s fine. Whatever you want to do.” It’s not fine, but what more can I say to her without coming on even more strongly than what I probably have been?

Fuck. It’s been brimming for a while now, I just haven’t wanted to admit it.

A sinking feeling that she’s slipping away before we even had a chance hits me right in the gut and I don’t want her to run away too soon.

“Thanks for coming to the game tonight.”

“You were brilliant,” she whispers, the moonlight shining through makes her silhouette look even more angelic than she did before. “I can’t wait to see you in Vegas.”

“Let’s hope I don’t get knocked down on my ass since Vegas is the team to beat. They were beyond pissed when they lost against us in the finals last season. I think they have a few scores to settle.”

She squeezes my arm again and hedges forward, her other arm reaching for my shoulder.

I meet her halfway as she pulls me into a hug, one I wasn’t expecting, but fuck, it feels nice.

I feel her slight little body pull back a little as the edge of her face brushes mine and soft lips press into the flesh of my cheek.

I don’t let go of her. I fucking can’t. My heart is doing overtime and my body feels so fucking rigid I might actually implode. “Jade,” I whisper. We’re so close, her sweet scent wafting over my nostrils, another memory save that I want to keep.

“I have to go,” she whispers back and I feel her grip on me soften and then lessen as she pulls away, reaching for the door handle.

“Please.” I don’t even care if I sound needy. Fuck it. I got a taste of something I’ve never felt before and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her just walk on out of here. I pull on the edge of her jacket and she spins back around in her seat to face me. “Jade — I.”

Before I know what’s happening, she leans back over the console and flings her arms around me, her lips seeking mine in a hot, wild burst. The fucking sound she makes will forever be etched into the depths of me; a sexy, unbridled gasp.

My lips crash to hers in a frenzy as her hands slide up to my hair and nestle their way into my waves where she takes hold. It’s urgent, frantic and a million fucking degrees in here.

I slide my hand up her back and cup my palm to rest behind her head as she clings onto me with shaking hands. The air is so frisky and wild around us, the windows might just shatter.

“Baby,” I husk between kisses, her warm breath and full lips beckon me on.

My fingers are dying to dance down her body and feel her the way I did all those months ago when we got hot and heavy against the wall.

I can already feel my hand that rests on her back scorching through those layers of clothes. “You’re so fucking perfect, J.”